Chapter 4: Safe for Now

Second Sis had come back from the world, drained of all her power, crying day and night over some guy who broke her heart and wishing she was dead.

I’d hear her muffled sobs through the thin walls, her pain filling every corner of the little underworld apartment. She barely ate, barely slept, just drifted through the days like a ghost.

Ms. Porter brewed her Forget-Your-Worries Soup, saving her life.

I’d watch her bring a steaming bowl, coaxing Second Sis to sip. The steam curled around my face, carrying the sharp tang of ginseng and something bitter that stuck to the back of my throat. Sometimes it worked—sometimes, just for a while, the weight lifted and Second Sis would smile again, even if it was only for a few minutes.

Big Sis, having lost all passion, started burning lavender candles and listening to meditation podcasts, saying she needed to work on herself.

She lit candles, muttered affirmations, tried yoga and meditation. The soft glow and the scent of lavender mingled with the stacks of case files and ancient ledgers in her office, but it gave her comfort, and sometimes that’s all anyone could ask for down here.

“One by one, lost and stuck,” Ms. Porter muttered as she found me and sighed.

She shook her head, the lines on her face deepening. “People come and go, but some hurts don’t ever fade, Quinn.”

“Quinn, it’s your turn to go to the world next month.”

The memories stabbed at me like ice picks, leaving me full of holes.

It was hard to breathe, the thought of facing it all again. I gripped the edge of the counter until my knuckles ached.

“I’m not going. The world’s not worth it.”

Ms. Porter pressed on: “If you don’t go down for your trial, how will you move up? Didn’t you always want to reach the Upper Court?”

Her voice softened, almost motherly. “If you can’t make it there, how will you ever find your birth mom…”

My heart thudded in my chest. I hadn’t thought about her in years—not since I’d given up hoping she’d come back.

Birth mom?

The words hung in the air, heavy as old secrets. Since I was abandoned, what’s the point of searching?

I shook my head.

“I’m not going. I’ll just stay here at the River of Forgetfulness.”

This place was no paradise, but it was safe. The world above was a minefield, every step a risk I wasn’t willing to take.

I still don’t know why I wasn’t totally destroyed, but for now, being able to stay safely by this river is enough. I don’t dare ask for more.

The smell of soup, the distant gurgle of the river—these were my comforts. I told myself I could live with that, as long as nothing changed.