Chapter 4: Gate Don Lock, My Name Don Fade

"Madam, we dey go house?" Ngozi sigh, she understand wetin I wan do.

She sabi say my mind don set. Her own eyes red, but she gree.

"I miss Papa." I wipe blood from my mouth, tell Ngozi to bring paper and ink.

My hand dey shake. The ink dey stain my fingers, but I still write small note—say make Papa no worry.

I no get strength to drag or fight. Side character no fit reach female lead.

My wahala na like dust for breeze. The main people get their own thunder.

As I reach Dr. Ifedike’s compound, two new guards stand for door, big "Palm" mark for their uniform—na Uche family people.

Before, na my name dey open gate. Now, ordinary guards dey block me. Before, na even me dey dash dem gala and pure water. Now, dem no send me.

Before I fit talk, sharp cutlass don touch my neck, small blood come out.

The pain na real. The cold steel just press my skin, my mind flash back to all the times I dey laugh for this same gate.

"Madam!" Ngozi vex, wan rush the guard, but I hold her.

Her voice dey crack. She wan risk her life, but I stop am. E no worth am.

"Dr. Ifedike na my husband." As I talk am, dem remove the cutlass, but still block the way, voice cold.

Their eyes dey flat like plate. No pity. I dey see say I no belong here again.

"Divine Doctor say nobody fit enter."

The order na final. E dey ring for my head like bell for burial.

I freeze, bitterness just dey rise. Before, I fit enter anyhow.

Even goat dey waka pass, but now, I be stranger.

Big people dey come, guards dey everywhere, but he always talk, "My wife no need stop."

He used to boast, dey tell all him friends, "A Yao na my queen."

He promise say any time, anywhere, I fit enter as I like.

Na that promise dey sweet me before, dey give me pride for chest.

But now, "anybody" don include me.

Just like that, I turn "anybody." My name no get weight again.

Three years love—no be small, e deep—but the difference too much. My heart dey pain me.

The pain dey ground me. E dey different from sickness pain. E dey hit for soul.

But as I see the guards cold face, I swallow my tears, shift back, talk, "Sorry for disturbing."

Dignity na last cloth wey I get. I wrap am well, turn back.

Ngozi wey grow with me sabi wetin I mean. Even though she no happy, she just stay with me for outside.

She dey look me, dey ready to fight anybody for my sake, but I nod make she calm.

Sun dey hot, my body wan fall, but I no fit go. I dey fear say if I waka, I go change my mind stay.

The ground dey roast my feet. Even as sweat dey run, I plant my leg, dey form strong woman.

Even as my eye dey blur, I stand gidigba.

For my head, I dey count old memories—laughter, gifts, rain—wonder how everything fit just fade.

I no know how long I wait—maybe till evening—before I see Dr. Ifedike shadow.

My spirit first see am before my eye. The way he dey drag leg, e be like spirit wey lose direction.

He dey come towards me for inside sunset, face wey dey always neat now don rough, him look tired.

Dust dey stain him cloth. E no brush hair. Eyes red like say e never sleep for days.

I never see am like this except when I dey sick before. I think say na only me him dey show this side.

I dey pity am small, but the pain still dey sharp.

But now as I see am, e just dey funny. All those sweet talk, all those promises—na wash.

Na inside me I dey laugh, dey cry, dey ask myself why I even gree believe.

"Why you dey here? You don chop?" Dr. Ifedike look surprise, wan hold me as usual.

Him voice dey low, concern dey show. E wan touch me, but I dodge.

I dodge am, blood dey my mouth, neck dey pain me where cutlass cut.

I swallow blood, my body dey tremble, but I no allow am see my weakness.

"Who injure you? Why blood dey..." Dr. Ifedike shock, like say e don tey since he see me sick like this.

He dey stammer, hand dey shake, eye dey fear.

I no answer, just give am letter. My hand dey shake, but I no let am see. I dey squeeze the paper like say na my last hope.

He frown open am. Next thing, him face white.

You go think say ghost appear. Him lips dey shake.

"A Yao, you wan divorce me?" Him voice weak, eye wey dey always calm now dey shine one kain.

Pain dey inside him voice. E dey look me like say him dey beg.

"Yes." I clean blood for my mouth, hold Ngozi wey wan talk. When e reach to cut off, I no dey waste time—na my way as Shen Siyao.

I dey set my jaw, dey brace myself. Na now or never.

All that suffer for love talk na story. I never gree suffer for any man.

My mama dey teach me—"no let man use your heart play draft." I dey hear am now for my soul.

Men full everywhere. I go tie myself for only one?

I dey smile small. My own destiny no fit tie for one man leg.

"Why? You forget say you promise..." He wan talk about that night, but e be like say he remember say he leave me on my sickness day.

The way he pause, e clear say regret dey hold am. But regret no dey heal wound.

"Sorry, A Yao. The Queen nearly die, I no get choice." He look me, love dey mix with regret for him face.

He dey search my face for forgiveness. But I just dey cold.

I dodge him eye, remind am, "Sign the paper, make we waka go our separate ways."

I no wan hear story. My mind dey set.

He be second male lead, e get deep feelings.

He sabi love, but e no get am for me. I no go waste time for another woman leftover.

But me, I sabi say the person wey him love no be me.

I dey accept my fate, as side character, as woman wey sabi her own lane. But as I waka go, I dey swear for my mind—this story never finish, and I go write my own ending.