Chapter 3: Spirit Politics and Arranged Wahala

I no know whether my friendly goodbye vex am!

I dey wonder sometimes, when rain dey fall steady for night, whether my words fit wound pass cutlass.

One hundred years after I become immortal, the spirit clan unite!

Spirit world buzz that season. Spirits wey dey quarrel before now dey greet each other for council, all because of new king.

The name of the new spirit king na Folarin!

If you see celebration! The whole bush dey dance, even old spirits wey no get leg manage roll for ground.

You see am? I talk am before, the guy get levels!

Abeg, I no dey exaggerate. Who know, know! E dey destined since.

One year for mortal world na one year for heaven—no be all those storybook where time dey pass different!

No time magic. If you sleep one hundred nights, na the same for up and down.

The hundredth year after my ascension, wey also be the year Folarin become spirit king, I make myself war chief of the heavens and earn right to enter the upper heavenly council!

Na big feat. Dem dey look me like small rat wey enter elders’ meeting. But I stand, no shake. War chief, no be beans.

Before me, all immortals wey dey enter upper council na born immortals!

You know say dem get clique. If dem born you spirit, you dey flow; if you climb from ground, na struggle.

Those of us wey ascend from mortal world just dey as soldiers or generals, dey serve the born immortals!

Na so hierarchy dey. But I no send. My face dey straight like person wey dey go collect result.

So for that upper council, I just dey like fish wey no fit swim for their water!

The cold for that chamber fit freeze palm oil. Na so dem dey look me with side eye, dey talk small small for nose.

To help me blend in, the Heavenly Oba generously arrange marriage for me!

If to say dem fit arrange heaven for person, dem for do am. This one, na pure strategy.

He too generous, sef, e even offer him own son, no even send the crown prince opinion!

That kain thing, for our side, na big palava. But who go talk when king dey talk?

But as I look the crown prince face, I fit swear the guy wan break!

Ifeanyi face look like say him mind dey run marathon. Him eyes dey beg make ground open.

So I ask am for corner: "You no wan marry me?"

I talk am low, so council elders no go hear. For my mind, I dey wish make the guy talk true.

The crown prince, Ifeanyi, dey bath that time—maybe the water too sweet, e dragon horns and tail all come out!

He shock. As I enter, na to hide tail, but e too late. The thing just dey shine, water dey drip.

Him silver-white dragon tail dey wave, dey splash small water:

E be like he wan use am take sweep the room. Me, I just dey laugh for inside.

"You just dey find my trouble, abeg, see as you catch me for bathroom—na wah!"

The way he talk am, e sound like complaint. For mortal world, this na big disrespect, but for heaven, na small play.

As I see say him ear don red, I understand!

Even big dragon fit shy, especially when belle dey outside. The small blush make him look almost cute.

No matter how big person be, even immortals dey shy when dem naked!

I adjust face, try hold laugh. I gats respect status, but na only human to dey shy like that.

But e no be my fault: "Why e be say anytime I come see you, na bath you dey bath?"

Sometimes I wonder if dem dey bath more for heaven than for earth. Maybe na their way to clean spirit.

Abi him too dey see say upper council dirty?

I pinch face, dey tease am with eye.

Crown prince no gree answer, just point those fine blue dragon horns at me!

For Naija, na sign of vex or small warning. The way he look me, I sabi say e no wan talk.

No word gree come out!

E clear say this discussion go end here.

I try smile: "Your Highness, if you no like me, make we just cancel am! No force yourself!"

I dey ready to free am, no wahala. Nobody wan marry by force.

Na so water splash me!

Before I fit clean face, Ifeanyi just yarn coldly: "I no dey force myself." Then he wear cloth waka!

Wetin concern me? I dey clean my face, dey plan my next move.

No be so!

I dey talk to myself. This kain thing, na only for spirit world you go see am.

Na me dey suffer here o!

Sometimes I wonder why I dey always enter wahala wey no get head or tail.

Who remember say na heartless path I dey follow?

I try remind myself: no feeling, no pain, no wahala. But e no dey work.