Chapter 5: Sweet Chaos

I pretended not to notice, letting myself play along with every calculated move Nick made. It was a game, and I let myself sink into it, one heartbeat at a time.

The lunchroom smelled like tater tots and spilled chocolate milk. In the gym, sneakers squeaked on the shiny floor, echoing with shouts from the basketball court. Nick always managed to bump into me—sometimes acting surprised, sometimes grinning like he owned the place.

He started lingering by my side, his gaze growing sharper until one day, he cut through the crowd and stopped right in front of me. For a second, the whole hallway went quiet.

"Jamie, I like you. Will you be my girlfriend?"

When I threw myself into his arms, I pretended not to see the flicker of disgust in his eyes. I just breathed in the spearmint gum and clean laundry scent—the smells of homecoming, late-night drives, everything American high school was supposed to be.

There are treasures in books, and beautiful people in books. Sometimes, if you’re lucky, you get to live the fantasy.

But I knew this could only be mine for a moment. Nothing gold can stay.

Maybe he’d dump me in public to make Rachel happy. Maybe it’d be at homecoming, in front of everyone. Or maybe he’d drag it out, let me fall further, then pull the rug out. That was the move everyone expected.

But I didn’t expect Nick to upend everything.

The first time I realized it was at our favorite coffee shop—a retro spot with a flickering neon Open sign, the air thick with burnt espresso and glazed donuts. A couple of college kids argued about March Madness in the corner.

I was hunched over SAT practice by Nick’s laptop when he suddenly tore off his headphones, controller clattering onto the sticky table.

I looked up, already knowing the answer wasn’t about the game. He stared at me, eyes cool, voice even colder.

"I don’t like you doing test prep when you’re with me."

I snapped my books shut, tossing them aside. "Then I won’t do them."

He kept looking, face stony under the fluorescent lights.

"I think the gap between us is too big. I don’t like that."

My heart hammered, hands clammy on my jeans. "Then what do you want?"

He leaned in, so close I could feel his breath. His tone was almost pleading.

"Can’t you just be a bad student like me?"

The blue light of the screen shimmered in his eyes. Like a siren, he pulled me in: "Jamie, come into my world. Be with me forever."

For a second, I was almost delirious. This was the movie moment I’d always wanted.

So this is what he wanted. So this is what Rachel wanted.