Chapter 2: When Insults Turn Red

Dem just dey finish me turn by turn, as if na me kill person.

If dem fit use mouth wound person, I for don land General Hospital. Na only God know wetin dey keep my blood pressure down.

I just weak.

I dey look my hand, dey wonder how life reach this level. For my mind, I dey calculate: should I just waka commot?

No even talk of the 25 million naira wey I spend buy car for my girlfriend.

If dem know say Mercedes dey outside, all this mouth for don close. But I dey wait, make the surprise choke dem.

Even this birthday dinner, na almost 600k for just food—sixty thousand per person.

Menu get everything: jollof rice scent dey mix with grilled turkey, pepper soup dey hot for air—na real Lagos party. Some of them even dey snap food more than they chop am.

This group of girls, wey no dey even earn more than 200k monthly, how dem get mind dey talk like this?

Na Instagram and Snapchat dey give some people false boldness, na wetin I reason. Wetin concern their pocket concern my own?

And my girlfriend just dey look, stone face, allow her friends insult me anyhow.

If na my own padi, dem for don defend me. But this babe just dey eye me, mouth strong like person wey swallow stone.

Omo, by now, vex dey catch me small small.

My jaw dey tight. I dey count seconds, dey try hold myself.

But na her birthday, I no wan mess up for her front.

My mind dey remind me say, "Guy, today no be day to fight. Just hold am."

"Ifeoma, you know as I dey treat you. You sure say I stingy like that?"

I try lower my voice, make e soft. I dey plead with her, make she remember all the times wey I run up and down just for her smile.

Since we start date, na me dey pay for everything, I don buy her plenty expensive gifts.

Phone, designer bag, even hair wey reach 500k. Her siblings, I dey dash them small small. I dey treat her family like my own.

But my babe still dey para: "But today na my birthday, and na this thing you bring? For front of my friends? You even think how I go feel?"

She voice dey tremble. Her lashes dey shake, she dey look table. Na so birthday go spoil?

"No think say I no know—your ex, you give her LV bag, Cartier bracelet, 999 red roses for birthday."

She for don cry, but pride dey hold am. She dey compare herself to my ex, wahala wey I no sign for.

"But me nko? Na only this useless thing I deserve?"

She voice don raise, her friends dey hype am. "Talk am! Let am hear!"

"I be cheap babe for your eye?"

If tears fit burn hole for skin, her face for don melt. I dey see pain for her eye, but I dey see pride join.

The more she talk, the more e pain her, her voice come dey shake, like she wan cry.

Even Amaka pass her napkin. Her other hand dey rub her back, like say na real funeral we dey.

Once my girlfriend start to cry, her friends just dey look me like say na me kill person.

Na so dem quiet small, but dem eye dey red, dey ready for fight.

Aunty Ronke hiss: "Kai! Chuka, you sure say you be man? Which normal guy dey give babe this kind thing? Na only Ifeoma get good heart. If na me, I for don slap you since. No be today!"

Ronke stand well, as if she wan pull shoe. She dey ready to fight, but I just dey look am, dey hold my chest.

The rest join mouth.

"Ifeoma fine die—she no reach your ex?"

"Abi you still dey think of your ex?"

Some dey form analyst, dey check old stories. I dey wonder who tell them all these things.

I just dey look.

I dey shake my head. For my mind, na God I dey call. I dey pray make patience no fail me.

I treat my ex well, but I dey treat my current girlfriend the same. Wetin be the wahala?

I dey calculate how to answer, make e no turn another matter.

"Ifeoma, I no dey compare you and my ex. I no even think say you no reach her. Besides…"

Before I go finish, Amaka cut me like knife.

Amaka cut in: "Oloshi! Abeg, forget story. Just send Ifeoma birthday chop money make you try repair your error. Make we talk… 330k."

She talk am like say na small change. Her nails dey shine, she dey type something for WhatsApp group.

"330k no reach," Aunty Ronke fire back. "Na 3.3 million sure pass. How una see am? No be today!"

Ronke cross leg, adjust wig. She dey look me direct, dey wait for fight. I dey suspect say she don plan this matter since.

The rest just dey shout together.

"Correct, 3.3 million!"

Some dey clap, some dey raise hand like say na crusade. Dem no get shame at all.

"No be say you no fit pay am."

Sade point finger, dey lecture me like say I be her younger brother.

"Oya, we don try for you, no say we no give you chance."

Halima voice loud. She dey talk like MC for party, dey give order. "No be today!" If I look their face, I go just laugh.

My face just change.

Sweat dey my forehead, but AC dey blow. Na so vex dey show for my palm, I dey rub am for trouser. My neck vein show. I dey try reason how birthday chop money take reach 3.3 million. Na ritual?

I fit pay 3.3 million, and I for no reason spend am for my babe.

Even my business partners never pressure me like this. But this? Na daylight robbery.

But not like this, with dem dey pressure me.

I dey try breathe, dey count number for my head, dey remember say I get home training.

Even if na only paper stars I give, that no mean say dem suppose treat me like this.

I no fit understand how people wey I dey try please dey turn me to cash cow. For this Lagos, na real scam.

I bone face: "We no fit just chop and enjoy? Una must do like this?"

My voice calm, but my eye dey sharp. I dey watch make dem no push me pass my boundary.

"No divert. We don talk am, no be about money. Na your attitude girls dey look."

Ronke hiss again. She adjust her top, dey shake head. Her mouth sharp, but her sense no dey show.

I no understand.

I dey look Ifeoma, dey find sense for her eye. She just dey rub her hand, no talk. E be like say na only me dey see confusion for here.

Dem say no be about money, but every word na about how gift no cost.

Even Sade voice dey high: "If you get good heart, you go show am. Money just follow."

So wetin be ‘attitude’ for dem?

If person no dey drop money, e mean say e no get attitude? Na wetin dey pain me.

For their eye, if money no reach, attitude no reach.

I dey ask myself: this na real love or na arrangement?

Vex just dey boil for my chest. I keep straight face, talk firm: "Sorry, I no dey send any chop money."

I put my hand for table, dey wait their next move. Ifeoma look me, her mouth open small.

Everywhere scatter.

Na so wahala land. All of them begin talk at once. Plate nearly fall, glass almost break.

"Wetin dey worry you?"

One dey shout, another dey tap Ifeoma like say make she run.

"We dey try help you, you dey form stubborn?"

Ronke almost stand up, dey wave hand. She no dey tire.

"My babe fine like angel. If she ask for star or moon, you suppose go bring am, you hear?"

Sade dey look me up and down, like say she dey size me for market.

"See am, na just three million we talk, and e don expose the guy."

Halima dey point phone at me, maybe she dey record for her snap.

Even my girlfriend shock, she no expect me to refuse like that.

Her eyes wide, she look her friends, then me. She dey confused, small tears for corner of her eye.

Since we start, I dey always agree to her request, never embarrass her for public.

She dey expect say I go mellow. But today, my own don full.

As I see her red eyes, hurt for face,

I feel small pity. My chest just dey rise. I dey wonder if na me really mess up.

My mind soften small.

I try swallow my vex. I dey look her, dey remember all the times wey we dey gist for car, dey play together for my house.

True, my girlfriend dey like small pikin sometimes, but she no bad. Normally, we dey alright.

She get her wahala, but na her friends dey ginger her pass. I dey see innocence for her face, even as pride dey hold am.

Maybe she really vex say she no get the kind gift she expect.

I dey reason, maybe na her own expectation, maybe na me no understand her well today.

And na her friends dey add pepper, so I no fit blame her finish.

Ronke dey whisper for her ear, dey gas her up. Ifeoma just dey shake head, dey look ground.

I wan talk to calm everybody.

I try open mouth, but wahala no gree.

Next thing, wine just land for my face.

Aunty Ronke don stand up, hold red wine for one hand, dey point me, dey shout.

She throw am like Nollywood scene. My cloth, my face, all soak. People for restaurant dey gasp. Even manager dey peep from kitchen.

"Three million go kill you?"

Ronke dey vibrate, her mouth dey shake. People dey try hold her.

"Wetin I hate pass for this life na stingy men. If you no get money, why you dey date?"

Other girls dey hype her, dey talk, "Yes o! Talk am!" My mind just dey spin.

Red wine splash enter my eye, dey burn like fresh pepper. The smell mix with fried plantain wey dey pass, but my own don spoil. Red wine just dey drip from my hair, soak my new cloth.

My white kaftan now dey look like jollof rice wey dem pour palm oil on top. I use napkin, dey wipe face. Shame dey catch me, but I dey try bone.

I stand up, dey find serviette.

Waiter rush bring tissue. Even chef poke head, dey look like say na reality show.

My girlfriend just dey look as dem pour wine for my body, she no talk anything.

She fold hand, just dey look. Her face hard, no blink.

Everybody for table dey look me like say I be trash, dey talk all kinds of rubbish.

One dey snap, another dey whisper. I hear "see as he be" for background.

Call me stingy.

Say I no go see better end.

Some dey swear, say if I no change, my business go crash. Ifeoma just dey look, no talk.

Omo, I nearly drown for their insult.

My hand dey shake, I dey squeeze serviette. If no be say God dey my side, I for don break bottle for their head.

I no fit take am again, I just shout: "E never do?"

My voice loud. Everybody freeze, even DJ for lounge lower music.

Everywhere quiet.

All eyes turn me. Even people for next table stop to chop.

My girlfriend shock, then vex: "My friends just dey fight for me. Why you dey shout? You no shame?"

She point at me, her voice high. She dey act like say na only me dey wrong. Her mouth dey shake, her face dey vex.

Ehen. You and your friends dey tight. Once I raise voice, you no fit take am.

Before, na me dem dey roast. Now I shout, na wahala. Na so life be?

Since, na me dem dey insult anyhow, you no defend me once. Now na me dey disgrace you?

I dey look her, dey shake my head. My chest just dey burn. For my mind, I dey reason whether na today relationship go end.

I quietly clean wine from my face.

I stand up, pack my phone. I tell myself, if na my papa time, e for don commot since.

No way I go fit stay for this birthday dinner again.

Waiter dey shake head. One aunty dey whisper, "This Lagos girls sha."

Aunty Ronke still dey run mouth: "Why you dey shout? Talk clear. If you no fit send three million chop money, how much you wan pay for bride price?"

She drag chair, dey block my way. She dey look me up and down, as if na market she dey price goat.

"Make I clear you: if you no fit pass my test, forget to marry Ifeoma."

She hiss, sip water, cross leg.

I no even think, I fire back: "How that one concern you?"

My voice no dey shake. I dey look her straight. She blink, surprise. Other girls dey laugh, dey clap.

This same Aunty Ronke almost marry before, but the guy people no gree pay her 20 million bride price.

Story for town long, but na her wahala too much. Even market women sabi the gist. Now, e be like say she dey use Ifeoma matter run her agenda.

Since then, she come dey use am do strong head, say she go find man wey go pay am.

But e no work, now she don reach 33, still dey find man wey go pay that kind money.

Even her mama dey beg her for house. But for outside, she dey form boss lady.

As I reply her, Aunty Ronke vex more: "Which kind attitude be that? We be Ifeoma family. You think say e no concern us?"

Her neck dey move like agbero wey dey drag bus for Oshodi. I dey hold my laugh, but vex still dey.

"Ifeoma, you hear am? This guy never even plan marry you. No go let am dey use you, waste your time for nothing."

She face Ifeoma, dey rub her back, dey pretend say she care.

I just frown.

My hand dey ball, I dey try hold myself. I dey reason if I fit waka peacefully.

This woman get wahala. Who dey talk like this for public?

Even small pikin know say some matter no be public talk. I dey shame for her.

And my girlfriend just dey look me with pity eye.

She dey bite her lips, dey shake. Tears dey gather, but she still dey listen to Ronke.

Clearly, her friends don brainwash her.

If na before, she for don laugh, but today na another story. Peer pressure na real thing.

I ask her: "Na so you see am too?"

I look her eye, dey hope for answer. But her mouth just dey move, words no dey come out.

My girlfriend start to cry again: "But your mama no even like me. Two of una dey talk say I no dey work, say I just dey idle. You think say I no know?"

She voice low, she wipe tears, her nose red. Na so pain dey show for her face.

I just weak for her matter.

I dey try reason, maybe na me mess up. But I remember say my mama only talk her mind, na for Ifeoma good.

My mama always say, "If woman no get handwork, hunger go use style enter house." She only talk make she find small work after marriage. Even if she no get big job, our family fit help her get something.

Mama dey say, "Pikin no suppose dey idle for house, even if na small business." She na old school, believe say woman need something dey do, make e help family.

The main thing na make she get something dey do, so she no go feel empty or cut off.

I dey reason, if she too dey house, loneliness fit enter. Mama dey mean well, no be to oppress am.

When we get pikin, we go hire nanny join.

I don tell her several times, say I fit help her find job.

Even my uncle, wey get big business, dey ready to employ her. But she say office work dey dull.

But she no gree.

She talk say her skin dey suffer for stress, she prefer make-up and chilling. Sometimes she go snap for Instagram, caption "soft life." Na her own.

She say work dey boring, she prefer follow her friends, dey dress up, dey snap picture.

She dey join Sade and Halima, dem go spa, do nails, take picture, dey wait for birthday gift.

The only married friend there, Ngozi, talk her own.

Ngozi just dey eat her food quietly, but as talk reach this level, she clear throat: "Make I talk here. Mother-in-law sabi pretend pass anybody. Dem go say na for your good, but na control dem dey do."

She roll her eye, sip zobo, adjust her Ankara. Ngozi don see her own for marriage, so her talk dey always get weight for their group.

As my girlfriend dey nod, I know say she don complain about my mama to them.

She dey look me, dey wipe tears. I dey feel her pain, but I dey vex say she no fit talk true.

Aunty Ronke jump in again.

She no gree rest. She tap table, dey shake body like say she wan start fight.

"Just tell your mama make she face her own. If she dey worry too much, e no go better for am."

Her mouth sharp like blade. For Yoruba land, na taboo to talk this kind thing, but she no care.

Anger just dey rush me.

My blood dey boil. I dey shake, dey try hold myself. I fit no be violent person, but this one touch my family.

I knock table hard. Plates and bowls scatter for ground, break everywhere.

My hand pain me. Food spill, glass scatter. Restaurant manager rush come, dey beg make we calm down.

"Talk that rubbish again, see wetin go happen."

My voice deep, my face serious. Some girls jump back, dey look me like say I be mad man.

If no be say she be woman, I for don punch her.

But I dey hold myself, dey respect elders for my house.

As dem see say my vex real,

Everybody quiet. Some dey hold breath. Music for background stop. Waiter dey look me with fear.

Aunty Ronke jump, dey shout: "Wetin? You wan beat person? You think say I dey fear you?"

She dey wave hand, dey shout more. But now her own voice dey shake small. The way I knock table, e scare dem.

I just hold myself make I no slap her.

I close eye, dey count to ten. If not, e for red for here.

My girlfriend, dey panic, rush protect birthday cake, dey complain: "Wetin be this? Na my birthday, you must scatter everywhere?"

She carry cake, shift am, dey hug am like pikin. Her own vex join, but na more fear than anger.

Vex just dey burn my chest.

I dey ask God why I no just carry my babe travel go Ghana for birthday.

Na me dey make trouble?

For my mind, I dey ask, if na me dey spoil show, or na dem. I dey see red.

Na her so-called sisters dey push me since.

All of them don join hand wound me since. If no be home training, I for don disgrace person.

I owe una?

Wetin concern una with how I spend my money? I just dey reason if na true love or na business.

I look my girlfriend with disappointment.

I dey expect say she go stand for me, at least small. But her face dey dull, no word for me.

And she still dey support her senseless friend.

Instead make she calm Ronke, she dey side her. I dey wonder wetin I dey do for here.

"No matter wetin, my friends just dey care for me. How you go dey harsh for her like that?"

She look me, dey frown, her voice low. For my mind, na the end be this? For Lagos, na every man dey on him own. As I stand up, I swear—this night go change my life. Make dem watch.