Crown of Ruin, Feast of Fools

Under the dim bar lights, Eli nodded and thought aloud:

“Ah… I thought 5v1 meant a five-on-one battle, and ‘np’ meant ‘no problem,’ describing the male lead’s wild, unrestrained personality.”

I felt a bit sorry for Eli.

I, too, was once a pure-hearted reader.

Back then, when I saw the word ‘wild,’ I thought it was just about horses.

The male and female leads in my stories either had secret understandings in school or rode horses in western tales.

Later, the online novel world got crazier and crazier for the sake of hype.

My writing style became more and more twisted.

Eli saw my sad expression and patted my head gently.

“When you’re sad, you look just like a kitten caught in the rain, nowhere to go. Don’t cry, Tess.”

???

Can we talk normally? Why use my pen name to tease me!

The blind date ended.

I went home in high spirits.

And found the house had been blown up.

The Grant family’s suburban mansion had its roof blown off. Look up, and you could see the stars.

I stared at the vast sky, dumbfounded.

Just one day away, and the heroine and her men really tore the house apart?

I dashed into the ruins.

Signs of a fierce battle everywhere.

The wind sounded strange; something brushed past my ear, tickling.

I touched my ear, looked at my hand.

Oh wow, covered in blood.

A huge gunshot rang out, shaking the night sky.

Someone rushed at me, tackled me hard, and twisted my wrist.

Oh no.

I’d been tied up.

Good news: The heroine was also tied up.

Oh yeah.

Bad news: The kidnappers wanted my five brothers to pick one of us.

Oh dear.

On ransom day, the ‘Noble Loyal True Stead Fair’ five-man group arrived, each carrying a huge black suitcase.

They wore sharp trench coats, strode in, and behind their sunglasses were five pairs of shrewd eyes.

The kidnappers were calm, guns pointed at the heroine’s and my heads.

“Your sister and your sister—pick one!”

Can you speak properly? Why does it sound like you’re cursing?

Noble stepped forward, automatically taking the lead.

The heroine looked at the five men, pitiful and pale, hair disheveled, like a wounded fawn.

Her jaw, starved for days, was even sharper—sharp enough to pierce the hearts of these five men.

Noble glanced at me.

I hated my round face. Even after starving for three days and nights, I still looked like a silver platter.

I glared at the kidnappers: Why not starve me a few more days, give me a chance?

“Big brother, listen to me.”

Life and death on the line, I panicked.

“I’m your real sister, big brother!

“Remember when I was little, you changed my diapers, raised me with your own hands! I always remembered your kindness!

“Back then, I might have seemed dumb, but I secretly swore: If big brother gets sick, I’ll bring him medicine; if big brother dies, I’ll carry his coffin!”

Noble: …

He said coldly, “Tessa, stop talking nonsense. You used disposable diapers as a baby.”

The cold gun barrel pressed tightly to the back of my head.

Click—it was the kidnapper pulling the safety.

I thought, well, this is it.

This short, absurd transmigrator’s life, coming to an end, made me a little sentimental.

I took one last look at my five brothers.

Their positions were subtle, like a funeral farewell.

Facing the delicate heroine and the fearless kidnappers—

Big brother Noble’s face was icy.

Second brother Loyal stood with arms crossed.

Third brother True only looked at the heroine.

Fourth brother Stead glared at the kidnappers.

Fifth brother Fair bared his teeth.

I looked away in despair, knowing they wouldn’t choose me…

Wait a minute.

I glanced at Fair again.

?

Fifth brother, what’s with your expression?

His bared teeth looked way too fierce.

Fair’s mouth was practically up to his nose, desperately signaling something to me with his face.

I froze.

Then, in the reflection of his sunglasses, I saw a heroic figure, hidden from the kidnappers’ view, holding a replica gun, leaping forward—

“Eli, get him!”

My and Noble’s nonsense successfully distracted the kidnappers.

Another kidnapper behind Hope focused all his attention on the black suitcase in Noble’s hand.

Eli seized the moment, and the steel BBs from the replica gun knocked the real gun off target!

In a flash, Eli tackled the kidnapper, grabbed me, and rolled on the ground, raising a cloud of dust.

Noble was even faster. The kidnapper behind the heroine only saw a blur before Noble kicked him in the chest, making him spit blood and fly onto the cement fence of the abandoned warehouse.

Eli was shocked, picked me up and shook me.

“Do you know how much force and acceleration it takes to kick someone flying? That guy flew nearly twenty yards. Is your big brother a transformer?”

I was crying in fear, but hearing his complaint, I wiped my nose and tears and forced myself to calm down.

“Is that guy heavier than an oak tree?”

Eli thought for a second: “No way, right?”

Me: “Then why are you calculating gravity and acceleration? Run!”

More kidnappers kept pouring into the abandoned warehouse, like a swarm of cockroaches on a mission.

Eli and I couldn’t outrun the professional kidnappers. We were about to get caught again—

Suddenly, deafening engine roars erupted!

“Get in—!”

Fourth brother Stead shouted.

I looked up, nearly blinded by his dazzling Tesla convoy.

I ran as fast as I could toward him.

The little sports car was within reach. Stead grabbed my right wrist, trying to pull me into his convertible.

A burly man caught up, grabbed my left wrist, and my whole arm turned pale and blue.

It hurt so much!!!

I burst into tears!!!

“Don’t touch my sister!”

Fifth brother Fair suddenly appeared out of nowhere, flying in with a kick at the burly man.

“Only our own family can bully my sister. Who the hell are you to kidnap her?!”

Fair spat, looking super cool.

The burly man wiped the spit off his face and turned to look at Fair, not moving an inch.

Fair: “Didn’t budge?”

Me: “Didn’t move at all?”

Eli yelled at me: “Told you not to give all the skill points to your big brother! Now we’re doomed!”

“Let me do it.”

Before the calm voice finished, another burly man went flying onto the cement fence.

“Big brother!”

“Big brother!!”

“Big brother!!!”

Eli, Fair, and I practically knelt on the spot, wishing big brother had a few more legs.

Noble stretched his neck, slowly took off his Rolex, and put it in his pocket.

“Fourth and fifth brothers, take Tessa and go first.”

Stead caught me and pulled me into the car.

Eli and Fair jumped in right after.

Big brother turned, facing the sea of thugs, and leisurely unbuttoned his black shirt collar.

Fair looked worried. “That’s a lot of people. Big brother, aren’t you coming with us?”

Noble picked up a steel pipe from the ground, spun it twice, and a rare ferocity flashed across his face.

“Do you know why Noble, an orphan with nothing, was chosen by Mr. Grant back then?”

Eli suddenly spoke up.

Fair looked confused.

“The Grant family’s foundation is both legal and illegal. The business side relies on Howard Grant’s brains; the underworld side relies on Noble’s courage and ruthlessness.”

Eli smiled.

The whole convoy roared like a pack of beasts, carving a path through the crowd.

Fair suddenly realized: “Wait—big brother isn’t biological?”

Me: “Fifth brother, if you can’t even kick people, wouldn’t it be even more embarrassing if big brother were biological?”

Fair pinched my face hard.

“Don’t pick up your sharp-tongued third brother’s habits, always arguing, always stopping people in their tracks.”

Eli glared at him, eyes darkening.

“Take your paw off. Go bully Hope, but if you pinch Tessa again, I’ll kick you out.”

“Hey!” Fair got angry.

“You brat, you think going on a blind date with my sister means you can marry her?”

The car was tense, about to explode.

“You guys are arguing now? Please, just cover the rear!”

A car flashed past us, speeding away.

In that split second, I barely had time to blink.

“That sounded like second and third brother’s voices. I even caught a glimpse of Hope in the car.”

Fourth and fifth brothers: “Damn! Those two show-offs—always fighting, but so united when escaping!”

They say the screams from the abandoned warehouse lasted all night.

The kidnappers hugged their heads and begged big brother over and over.

“We were wrong! The law will punish us—why are you torturing us?!”

The burly man clung to big brother’s leg, tears streaming down.

“Stop kicking! Please! The fence is smashed, we’ve coughed up all our blood… there’s nothing left!”

At dawn, big brother finally stopped.

Though badly injured, at least no one died.

For kidnappers who live on the edge, this must still count as… well, bad luck.

Noble came back the next morning.

We were fixing the ruined house, huffing and puffing as we patched up the roof.

The black suitcase the kidnappers wanted was put back in the safe. Noble was about to close the safe door when—

Someone ran barefoot from upstairs, not even wearing shoes, thud thud thud.

Hope, still scared and sleepless, heard big brother was back and forgot everything else.

She rushed into big brother’s arms, eyes red, thin shoulders shaking as she hugged him tightly, refusing to let go.

Big brother gently wiped her tears, softly patting her back.

“It’s okay now. Be good, it’s all right.”

The heroine seemed to have endless tears, big drops falling nonstop.

Noble, who ruled both the underworld and the boardroom, was helpless, using all his patience to comfort her like a crying child.

Watching this scene—

Loyal, True, Stead, and Fair all slumped in defeat as failed group-pampered male leads.

“Let’s go out first.”

Eli pulled my hand.

Me: “Why go out?”

Eli: “If my guess is right, the results are in. The heroine probably wants to say something to the winner.”

Me: “…Makes sense.”

We took Loyal, True, Stead, and Fair out of the living room.

They were all pissed.

“Why can’t we stay? Don’t the losers get to applaud?”

Me: “Remember how long big brother targeted me after I accidentally saw his talent show?”

Loyal, True, Stead, Fair: “…Fair point.”

Something was off.

No sound from the living room.

Too quiet.

Not like Noble at all.

Eli and I exchanged looks. Loyal, True, Stead, and Fair all frowned.

We glanced at each other and rushed into the living room.

Blood.

Blood everywhere.

Noble was lying in a pool of blood, a fruit knife stuck in his chest.

The safe door hadn’t closed yet, swinging gently, and the safe was empty.

The black suitcase was gone.

Hope was gone too.

“What was in that box?”

Outside the emergency operating room, with big brother’s life on the line, the six of us were at a total loss.

“The documents the kidnappers wanted.”

Second brother Loyal’s face was pale.

“All the Grant family’s dirty dealings over the years—the evidence of shady assets, business transactions that could get us in trouble if investigated—they’re all in there.”

Eli leaned against the white wall, taking a deep breath of disinfectant air.

“If Hope hands that stuff to the people behind the kidnappers, the Grant family is finished.”

I leaned next to him and corrected, “It’s not the Grant family that’s finished—it’s Noble.”

Eli turned to look at me.

“Your family is something else… The people who kidnapped you and Hope, was it your dad, Howard Grant?”

“No, Hope is even more interesting.”

He rubbed his brow, his slender hand propping up the back of his head against the wall.

“So what is she? Your dad’s undercover agent raised by his adopted son? The adopted son helps Howard Grant build his empire, and when he can’t control the adopted son, the undercover agent betrays him and takes the family down?”

Me: “Seems so, for now.”

Eli was so mad he laughed, “Tess, you’re something else—mixing deep sadomasochism and spy games into a group-pampered novel.”

Me: “It’s not exactly a spy movie—mainly just deep sadomasochism. That’s the vibe.”

My dad, Howard Grant, is a hypocritical old fox in business.

After decades operating in the black, white, and gray areas, he’s long since figured out how the world works.

The Grant family has no matriarch, five kids, five moms.

Howard Grant rarely came home—maybe, in his heart, nowhere in the world is home.

An old playboy, cold wind in his veins.

He has no weaknesses, no soft spots, comes and goes as he pleases, no attachments.

Howard Grant is only addicted to the sense of accomplishment and superiority from controlling a business empire and manipulating everything.

Noble was a convenient pawn.

But he grew too strong.

A pawn that can’t be controlled has to be abandoned.

“Can your big brother be saved?”

Eli asked me.

I pointed at the man in the hospital room, gauze wrapped around his chest.

“Look, isn’t he saved?”

“That stab was pretty skilled—deep and painful, but not fatal. Did Hope practice?”

“Maybe. Actually, what she practiced might not just be knife skills.”

“?”

“How to cry, how to laugh, how to worry, how to call out—she does it all so well, it’s hard to believe it’s fake.”

Eli closed his eyes to rest.

I looked at Noble in the room.

Big brother was expressionless, eating an apple and watching TV.

His chest wound was nearly healed.

Who knows about the wound in his heart.

Howard Grant is an old fox.

Unfortunately, the old fox has been pampered too long, never fought at the front lines.

But Noble is a fighter who clawed his way up from the bottom, beaten by life early on.

Howard Grant doesn’t realize—

Those beaten by life are always on guard.

Hope kept crying.

She told Howard Grant she didn’t expect there was a tracker in the black box.

She didn’t expect the six Grant family members could find Howard Grant’s hideout so quickly.

When Noble appeared before her, her tears flowed like they cost nothing.

Eli scolded me, saying this was an old-school romance trope, not up to group-pampered novel standards.

I told him, so-called group-pampered novel standards—sometimes they apply, sometimes they don’t.

While we argued about the plot, Noble had already picked up the fruit knife.

“Can your big brother win?”

Eli propped his chin, watching the show and pondering.

I scoffed at his lack of faith in big brother.

“I said way back in chapter three: Noble is like Achilles among men—specializes in stabbing his adoptive father.”

Finally, I added:

“One stab means death.”

The old fox Howard Grant died.

Noble took over the Grant family, officially becoming the boss.

Loyal, True, Stead, Fair, and I ate big brother’s barbecue, popped champagne, and celebrated peace and prosperity.

As I carefully checked the barbecue for edibility, I wondered:

On this grand finale, where’s Eli?

Fair, ever observant, noticed me looking around and grinned.

“Sis, looking for Eli?”

I quickly waved my hands: “No, no, just looking around… where is he?”

Fair answered honestly: “He told big brother that after so many blind dates with you, it’s getting old. He asked when he could marry you.”

“And then?”

“Then big brother beat him up. Hahahahahahahahaha!”

Fair laughed up to the sky.

I was stunned.

“Wait, didn’t you all want me to get married off early?”

Loyal, True, Stead, and Fair all chimed in:

“What’s the rush? Hope and big brother are still in a tug-of-war. For now, none of us can get what we want.”

Ugh! These five little brats!

“Why haven’t they made up? What’s the tug-of-war? Just over that deliberately off-target stab? Is it really that serious?”

When did big brother get so petty?

I don’t get it.

He’s out of character!

Fair explained:

“Because big brother asked Hope, if he really died, what would she do?”

“?”

“Hope said: ‘What else? Have a feast.’”

It’s over.

My group-pampered heroine has turned into a silly heroine!

(The End)