Chapter 1: When Antarctica Shake, Naija Dey Feel Am

Dem talk say earthquake wey pass wahala hit Antarctica—magnitude 12! Over 400 million people dey feel am.

Even for Naija wey earthquake na story for book, the shock reach us like say e happen for our backyard. For radio, dem say buildings for Benue, even as far as Maiduguri, vibrate small; people begin call pastors: “Bind am sharp-sharp before e cross come Naija!” Some people even rush go buy salt, say na the only thing wey fit neutralize evil vibration.

An international team of experts was sent to investigate, only to discover a strange, cone-shaped mountain had appeared right at the Antarctic Pole.

For WhatsApp groups and Facebook, people dey share photos of this mountain. Na real confusion—some dey shout say na sign of end time, others dey argue say na government dey try hide wetin dem find. Na even for Oga Agbaje, the retired teacher for my street, dem come argue reach midnight about whether na mountain or demonic pyramid.

Countless people suffered mental breakdowns; some even took their own lives.

Dem say for Lagos, one tailor just sit for shop dey watch the news, next thing she begin talk anyhow, tear her wrapper, run go Third Mainland Bridge. Pastor Ikenna even organize midnight vigil, say make everybody dey cover demself with Psalm 91. Abroad, the matter worse—plenty hospital wards full, doctors dey overwork.

A few experts who managed to stay sane issued a joint appeal to all of humanity:

At all costs, leave Earth immediately.

People just dey look, nobody gree believe. For Alaba Market, one man just laugh, say, "Dem go leave Earth go where? E better make dem stay, chop suya, wait for trumpet."