Chapter 2: Scrubbing Away Shame

On the way home, I messaged Jason:

[Hey babe, I’m not feeling well today, but I did come by. Sorry, I’ll make it up to you with your surprise later.]

He replied quickly: [Are you okay? What’s wrong? Want me to come over and keep you company?]

[No need. I’m already asleep, you should rest early too.]

I just wanted to calm down by myself, so I quickly refused.

[Okay. Then I’ll come see you tomorrow morning.]

[Hmm.]

I put down my phone and let out a long sigh of relief. For a second, I slumped against the wall of my apartment, letting the cold drywall steady my nerves.

When I got home, I couldn’t wait to take a bath. I turned the faucet on full blast, letting the steam fill up my tiny bathroom, and stripped down with a sense of desperation.

The warm water soaked my body, bringing a brief moment of comfort and peace. I closed my eyes and tried to scrub away the panic, the embarrassment. I wanted to wash off the shame, but it clung to me like a bad tattoo.

But the scenes from earlier kept swirling in my mind. No matter how many times I poured shampoo over my head, I couldn’t rinse it out.

Just now, Eric hadn’t reacted at all.

When I was holding him, pressing up against him, kissing him passionately—

He never crossed the line. Not a single move, not even a twitch. His arms had just hung at his sides, awkward and heavy.

Even when I grabbed his hand at that moment…

His breathing was just a little heavy and uneven.

But, given the difference in our sizes, he could have easily pushed me away.

Yet he didn’t move. He just let me do whatever I wanted.

Thinking about it, my heart started pounding again, and my whole body felt hot. I sank deeper into the water, embarrassed by my own thoughts.

Eric’s reaction… wasn’t that a little strange too?

Did he know it was me in the room at the time?

But I quickly stopped myself from overthinking. The last thing I needed was to spiral about this all night.

I was the one who mistook the person in the first place.

If I tried to blame someone else, I’d be even more shameless. This was one hundred percent my disaster, and I was going to have to live with it.

He was willing to cover for me and help distract Jason. I should be grateful.