Chapter 3: Dead Person Palava

That quarrel with Halima na just small wahala.

After small time, we just forget am, gist carry us go another direction. For hostel, quarrel no dey last, na only if person really carry am for mind.

Nobody take her talk about "obituary photo" serious.

After all, no be today Halima start her spooky talk. She fit see person dey laugh, she go say the person dey cry inside. E no surprise anybody again.

Since then, Ifeoma just dey chat back-to-back with that fine guy from her dream. She don dey call am her boyfriend, online love don start.

She dey type for phone sotay her charger wire bend. All night, blue light dey shine for her face, you go think say she dey read for exam.

Every night, dem dey chat till late.

You go just hear phone keyboard sound, then giggle, then message go land. Sometimes she dey even forget to lower her voice, Morayo go throw pillow at her.

Every morning, Ifeoma go wake up dey yawn, her eyes red as she go wash face.

Her scarf dey one corner, eye like person wey chop pepper before sleep. She go drag leg go bathroom, dey mumble song.

Halima just look her, then talk with that her cold voice, "You sure say you dey date dead person so?"

Halima dey lean for her bunk, dey plait her hair like say she no send anybody. Her voice cold like harmattan breeze for early morning.

Ifeoma dey yawn that time. At first, she think say she no hear well, but as she see the way Halima dey look her serious, her anger just burst:

Her face change, she stand akimbo. "Halima, I don tire for you! I dey try endure because we be roommates, but I no fit again!"

"You dey act like masquerade everyday, today na obituary photo, tomorrow na dead body. If you no fit talk like normal person, abeg, keep quiet! Why you always dey talk this kain thing? You think say I be mumu?" Ifeoma para, her body dey shake.

Her hand dey fly for air, she even tap her chest as she dey talk.

Halima no even move: "Your eye white don cloud, Mars dey shake, your forehead dey green, and black dey your leg. Something dirty dey follow you. My advice—stop to dey date dead person. If dem carry you go their side, you no go come back."

Halima voice no high, but e cold sotay person wey get fever go shiver. She dey talk as if na true prophecy.

Ifeoma nearly craze from her talk.

She shake for body, slap her own palm on her thigh. "You no well! If you dey mad, go psychiatric hospital—no come school dey do anyhow."

She add, "Na only you dem born with sense for this life? Abeg!"

"I no dey sick." Halima eye just dey shine, she press am, "If your boyfriend dey okay, why e no dey do voice or video call—na only chat e dey chat?"

As Halima talk am, e be like say she dey see inside Ifeoma phone. Her face no change, but her voice drop small, like say e dey come from inside cave.

How she take know? I shock.

I pause, my own heart skip. Na only three of us know say the Emeka never do voice call. We dey always whisper the gist when Halima no dey. I reason say maybe she dey monitor Ifeoma, or maybe na just guess.

Na true—Ifeoma boyfriend never do voice or video call, na only message.

She dey always complain, but na when Halima no dey. Halima no suppose hear.

I dey try remember whether Ifeoma don ever talk am loud for room. The thing dey suspicious.

And we sef no dey close to Halima—her presence dey always give us goosebumps, her hair dey cover face, only one eye dey show, and that eye black no be small. If she look you, e be like say you dey look inside well. Nobody wan near am, talk less of gist.

She dey read novel for corner, dey hum Igala song, no dey talk unless necessary. Sometimes, she go lock herself for bathroom, dey pray or dey do wetin we no sabi.

So Halima no suppose sabi say Ifeoma boyfriend no dey do voice call.

Ifeoma sef shock.

She open mouth, her hand freeze for air. For her mind, she dey count how Halima take know.

Morayo jump enter: "Fifi boyfriend don explain before—say him house too dark and small, so e no convenient to do video or voice call."

Morayo voice dey quick, she dey try cover Ifeoma shame. She snap finger, “Forget am, e dey normal. Some people dey shy for camera.”

Halima hiss: "E no lie. But una don ever reason—wetin be house wey dark and small?"

She hiss sotay the sound loud, like tyre wey burst. For Nigeria, person hiss like that if e wan show say talk no get head.

As she talk am, the only thing wey enter my mind na: coffin.

Na only coffin dey dark and small like that.

For my head, I dey imagine wood, nail, dust, darkness. My body cold. Goosebumps full my skin.

My heart just miss one beat, cold dey my body.

I no fit even talk. I dey swallow saliva, dey look ground.

"No matter how small house be, you fit still do voice call. E no dey do am because him tongue heavy, e no fit talk well, if e try am, you go hear am."

Halima drop that line, then she just stand up, carry her wrapper, waka go corridor. Her back view like person wey dey follow spirit.

As she drop that coffin talk, all of us exchange glance, mouth 'God forbid' sharp sharp. Morayo even do cross sign for her chest.