Chapter 2: My Shadow Go Fight

Olumide frown well well.

He shift small, clear throat. "Ngozi, you dey hear yourself?"

He say, “If you wan separate, you go enter Olumide family compound, explain to family elder.”

Meaning say, na only me no fit decide.

For our place, woman no fit just waka go. You must answer to elders. E pain me.

That time, Ifunanya start cry for mama. Olumide change wear agbada, waka go. Separation matter hang for air.

Na that Ifunanya cry dey sweet me small. At least, she still dey miss me. But as Olumide commot, everywhere cold.

But as the thought don enter my mind, my heart no gree rest again.

Every time I close eye, I dey see Olumide with Chiamaka, dey laugh. My spirit no fit find peace.

Luckily, person help me fulfill am—

Inside rock garden, I see Chiamaka dey hold Olumide sleeve, dey ask, “How we dey now?”

Chiamaka voice dey tremble, she dey hold him like say if she loose, she go fall.

“When I first come back, my papa and mama prefer my small sister. Na you support me. Why you dey dodge me now?”

Tears dey her eye. The pain real. I fit see say na old love.

Olumide no talk. Chiamaka eye red. “Na only me dey think say we get something?”

Breeze blow, leaves dey clap for background. I dey hide for behind pillar, dey hear everything.

Leaves dey shake for breeze. Dem look each other eye.

Olumide finally talk, “You no know how I feel for you? Even if I divorce, you go still be second wife, e no good for you. Now wey you get merit for prayer, you fit marry better man.”

E voice low, e dey beg her indirectly. Na real Nigerian man wahala, dey use style push woman away because of society.

So, he no wan divorce because of me, but to protect Chiamaka.

My mind dey scatter. So, na all of us dem dey protect, but nobody dey protect me.

Chiamaka bite lip, stubborn. “Na you I want. If you no marry me now, you fit no see me again...”

She stand ground, no gree. Her own love stubborn like yam.

I go back house. Olumide come back next morning, eye dey shine with guilt. He no know wetin to talk.

I watch am stand for door dey shift foot. Him pride don reduce. I fit see say him sleep no sweet.

“Ngozi, you don suffer these years.”

Na the first time him voice break. But e still talk like say him dey announce something for office.

I look am, no talk. He breathe deep, slow talk:

I fold arm, wait. My chest dey strong, but my mind dey run far.

“I get old friend. She dey among people wey go enter palace. Emir wan pick her as wife because of prayer. But with her kind character, palace no fit her.”

This matter na big talk for town. Everybody dey rush palace, but e dey fear say Chiamaka no fit survive for that kain life.

I understand.

I nod small, my eye dey water. The meaning clear for me.

I wan ask for separation, na so I hear am say:

“Time no dey. Na only divorce letter I fit give you.”

My leg weak. E be like say ground wan open. For this side, divorce letter na last bus stop for woman.

I shock.

Na so I hold chair, make I no fall.

Divorce and separation no be the same. Olumide sabi say divorce dey shame woman pass.

Even for our kindred, separation na small wahala. But divorce—na abomination. Person go dey point finger for road.

If dem divorce woman, e mean say she do one of the seven big offences. Her name go spoil forever.

I dey count the offences for mind: thief, kill, insult elder, stubbornness, barren, adultery, witchcraft. Me, I no do any.

“No worry. Even though na divorce letter, e be like separation. You fit carry all your bride price. If e no reach, I go add.”

His voice dey soft, but I dey hear pride inside. As if na compensation e dey give, no be apology.

Me, orphan wey save Olumide from accident—where I get bride price?

I remember say my people no even collect bride price. Na small contribution dem do.

Up till now, I still dey hope say I fit carry Ifunanya follow body. But pikin no fit follow mama wey dem divorce; her life go spoil.

Even the elders go say, "leave pikin for father house." Ifunanya go grow think say na me abandon am.

Divorce letter—

I look the paper, hand dey shake. Small paper, but e fit scatter person life.

Light like feather, but e cut three years finish.

Just one signature, my whole marriage don waka. The shame follow me like shadow.

Olumide talk, “You no be Abuja person. You no fit adapt here. I go send you back east, so that gossip go cool small.”

E dey talk like say na logistics. My heart dey cut, but my face strong. E dey talk like say I be expired goods wey dem dey return for market.

He arrange everything. He no ever give me choice.

Even to ask me how I want am—nothing. Dem just decide for me.

Na so I carry small load, the five hundred naira Olumide family dash me, waka go Umuola. No return date.

My feet dey drag. Even keke driver dey look me with pity. "Madam, God go do am," na wetin e manage talk.

The keke wey I enter smell of dust and fried akara, my leg dey shake as we pass muddy potholes.

The day I commot, small boat dey shake. For shore, red wedding umbrella full everywhere, drum and talking drum dey sound. My three years—na big joke.

Dem do like say na celebration. But inside me, rain dey fall. Na only my shadow waka with me enter Umuola.

Five years later—

My eye don old pass my age. Each wrinkle na story. For Olumide house gate, gatekeeper announce say I don come back.

Gatekeeper look me from shoe reach scarf. I just stand, dey hide tears. The sun for Abuja dey burn like pepper, but my heart cold as I waka enter gate. Abuja dust don settle for my skin.

Half hour later, Olumide show, waka slow. He stand far, dey look me with eye like say I be wahala.

Him shoe dey shine, agbada dey sweep sand. For gate, e cross arm like judge.

“Why you come? That time na my fault, but I don send you many things these years... Chiamaka and Ifunanya dey get along well. Chiamaka fit dey childish, but she fit be good mother.”

He talk am with small smile. Like say the matter don pass. As if the world no dey carry my pain again.

As he mention Chiamaka, him face soft, one kind love wey I never see before.

Na that kain look you see for person wey chop correct love portion. My chest tight.

I sabi say dem be childhood lovers—people wey grow up together—after many wahala, dem finally together. Even Nollywood dey talk about their love for Abuja.

Na dem dem dey show for magazine—Chief Olumide and Madam Chiamaka. People dey envy their story.

But all those ones no concern me. Na to see Ifunanya I want. Na because I miss my pikin I waka enter Abuja, hide from my jealous husband for house. Him no even know.

My new husband dey busy for yard, no even sabi say I don waka reach Abuja. I carry small Ghana-must-go, mind set for my pikin.

I follow Olumide and one house girl go small corner for house. The house no fine, for yard na the swing wey I build with my hand five years ago still dey there.

The swing old, rope nearly cut. My heart squeeze, memory full my head.

I stop, no believe am, confirm with Olumide, “Na here Ifunanya dey live?”

I dey wait make e say na mistake. But him just nod, face tight.

Olumide family get money—even main house girl room fine pass here.

For my mind, I dey curse. How pikin go dey live for this kain place?

Olumide sef no too know the place. He stammer, come defend Chiamaka:

He dey scratch head, "Ehn... Chiamaka say na for her own good."

“Ifunanya get wahala, she dey waka go out at night, dey hurt people. Na why Chiamaka put her here for now.”

He talk am like say Ifunanya no be him own pikin.

Pain dey my throat. E dey easy to blame small pikin. For this Naija, woman dey carry blame.

Abeg, Olumide, hold your story. Na my pikin I wan see, no be excuse I dey find. All these years, I write plenty letter to Abuja, no single reply. All the things Olumide say e send—I never see even one.

I count letter—ten, twelve. No reply. My body dey shake as I dey open door.

My hand dey sweat, I dey smell dust and old paint for corridor as I wait.

I push door open. Dust fly, but bed empty. Table get half bowl cold pap, some chin chin. Even though I no be big madam, I sabi say to dey give pikin only sweet food no good.

Ifunanya dey thin, her cloth big pass her body. My eye dey red.

Anger catch me. I look Olumide well, talk: “If anything do Ifunanya, I no go leave Chiamaka!”

My voice loud. The anger na from bone. Nobody fit touch my pikin.

Olumide face change, but he still defend, “Chiamaka no fit do that. Na house girls dey slack.”

He dey try form boss. But me, I no gree. The way him voice dey tremble, I know say e dey hide something.

Just then, house girl come talk say young miss go play with another family pikin.

Her voice dey shake. She no wan make wahala reach her own head.

I shock, ask, “Which family? And you, as papa, you no know? I feel say all these years, na Chiamaka dey do am on purpose...”

Pain dey my voice. I dey count all the years wey I no see my pikin. My body dey hot.

Before I finish, Olumide cut me off.

He vex. The anger roll for voice, eye red like say pepper enter.

“Enough!” Olumide eye red, “I know say you vex for what happen before, but na my fault—no concern Chiamaka! She get good heart, no talk about her like that! You dey make noise like say you still get seat for this house. Madam no dey here again o!”

Him voice thunder for corridor. People outside fit hear am. The shame choke me.

The way he dey protect Chiamaka pass as he dey care for him own pikin.

Ifunanya matter no even reach him mind. My heart dey bleed.

I force myself calm, commot Olumide house, send people go find Ifunanya.

Na mechanic son wey dey run errand for compound help me. I drop small change, make e quick come back.

As I dey go, I see one girl for pink dey rush come, dey call Olumide, “Husband, why aunty waka? She no wan see me...”

Her voice dey sweet, but my mind no dey her side. For my eye, na all of them be the same.

I no send her. Compared to her, na Olumide even fail as papa pass. The main thing na to find my pikin.

My chest dey beat. My hand dey shake as I dey stand for gate. Sun dey hot, sweat dey roll for my back.

The news wey reach me make me relax small. Ifunanya really go play with other girls.

I sigh, tell God thank you. At least, she dey mix with people, no be say dem lock am for room.

I wan rest, but the person wey check for me dey fear to talk.

Na old woman wey dey sweep. She dey peep left and right.

“Talk your mind,” I tell am.

I fold arm, look her for eye.

The person answer, “Madam, apart from young miss, all the other girls wear better cloth—no be ordinary rich people. One even be Emir daughter. E be like dem arrange am make young miss join...”

Her whisper dey low, but the meaning loud. Even for big family, pikin wey mama no dey around go always suffer.

I understand the meaning. Even though Ifunanya na Olumide family pikin, but as her mama don chop divorce, dem no go treat her well.

For this side, your name dey follow your child everywhere. Na so e dey.

As I dey think, I see the invitation wey reach me recently: Mama Chief own party, all big madams go dey. Mama Chief sabi my status, still send me invite. I gree go.

My heart dey fear, but I tie wrapper, powder face, prepare like woman wey wan prove say e still get value.

Na so I stand here now, dey hear people dey gossip.

I dey force myself smile. My leg dey shake. Everybody dey calculate my gist for head.

As I reach, Chiamaka and Olumide don already dey—fine man, fine woman, people dey hail them.

Dem waka like king and queen, people dey praise, dey sing song. "Chief and Madam, una welcome o!"

As Olumide see me, him face change. I ignore am, send person to go find Ifunanya.

I just signal one house help, "Abeg, help me call my pikin."

From when I waka enter, gossip no gree stop.

The way their eye dey follow me—if to say eye fit kill, for ground I for dey now.

“She don chop divorce—how she take get mind show face here?”

One woman talk am, snap finger, eye round.

“She dey find another mumu man to marry her? Who go gree?”

Dem dey laugh low, like say na comedy show.

“How she take enter? She use Olumide family name?”

Na another voice from back. For Abuja, name dey open gate more than key.

People dey look me with side eye.

Some dey whisper, some dey shine teeth. Na so e be for here.

Chiamaka look me, talk, “Aunty Ngozi, why you come?” She act like say she dey shame, talk with difficulty:

Her voice soft, but the meaning sharp. "Why you dey here?"

“You no even look Ifunanya before you waka, now you rush come show face—na to find better husband you dey find... Today own party na for Regent wey just come back from east. No be your level.”

Her voice rise small. She use style tell people say I no reach her standard. Her mouth sharp, but e dey pain me.

As I hear am, my heart squeeze, body dey shake. My fear just make Chiamaka happy more. She smile, talk, “Aunty Ngozi, abeg go back. I go help you find good husband. Try dey care for your pikin.”

People burst laugh.

Dem clap hand. Some dey look me with pity, some dey mock.

Olumide hiss, “She don chop divorce—who go marry am?”

E say am like say na secret, but everybody hear.

So, e sabi say divorce and separation no be the same.

My mind dey scatter. I wan talk, but I hold myself.

Just then, one man enter, black agbada wey get gold and python design. He wear gold cap for head, face sharp, eye dey command respect—nobody fit look am direct.

E step like person wey dey used to power. The way crowd clear for am, even elders dey bow small head.

Na him be the famous Regent, the man wey hold council for hand.

Dem say if you wan see chief, na this man go first clear you.

Laughter for hall stop at once.

The air freeze, everybody quiet. Even Chiamaka eye dey big.

But the man look my side, suddenly smile—one kind fine, dangerous smile.

My body cold. That kain smile fit melt stone. People dey whisper my name.

Everybody shock. When Regent, wey people know say him dey wicked, ever smile like that?

Even the old mama for back drop spoon, mouth open.

Nobody notice say my body don stiff. I just dey look as he waka straight come meet me—

For my mind, I dey pray: God, make my story change. For once, make breeze blow my side.

But Musa’s voice chased her like curse, and each word cut fresh wound inside her head. I swear, I go fight for my pikin—even if na only my shadow dey my side.