Chapter 3: Ashes and Shadows

As I open door, na so I see Morayo squat for entrance dey clean my shoe.

The smell of Izal full air. She dey careful, dey use old rag, just as she always do. Even after all the wahala, she still dey do wifey duty. I pause, small guilt catch me.

As she see me, she drop the shoe, wan help me remove my own.

She stand up slow, dust her hand for wrapper. Her face still calm, no sign of quarrel. But as she look up, everything scatter.

Her eye shift small, she dey try see who dey. Her face change, her hand stop for air.

Her hand freeze, her eye focus for the way me and Tanira dey hold hand, fingers lock together.

For Naija woman, na strong sign. Hand lock like that, na show say I no dey hide anything again. Na public shame for her own house.

That time, my heart begin race.

My chest dey drum like bata. I dey expect slap, shout, or anything sharp.

I dey fear say she fit do something crazy if her mind scatter.

Morayo get history—if she vex, na wahala. That her market fight still dey my head.

But she no do much—just two silent tears drop from her face.

The tears no get sound, na just two lines wey fall for her cheek. E dey like water from leaking tap.

Her throat be like say e block, like person wey swallow dry eba. She bite her lip, try hold herself. Her eyes dey shine, but her body still dey strong.

Whew...

Na so I breathe out, my body relax small. I dey thank God say wahala no burst.

But the relief no last, because her pain dey show well.

That moment, I remember say I don see that her look before.

E remind me of old days, that kind silence pain wey pass shout.

Na when my second business fail, we lose everything, owe debt, I wan jump from upstairs. She run follow me reach downstairs.

That day for upstairs, I don tie rope, ready to jump. She grab my leg, dey cry, beg me not to do am. That kind memory no dey die easy.

I remember, after I recover, for that our small rented room, as I hold her hand, I tell her: Morayo, abeg, I no go try kill myself again—because if I see you look like that, e pain me pass death.

I promise her, beg her, say, 'No matter wetin happen, I go always dey for you.' Her face that night still dey haunt me.

"Aunty Morayo, I really no wan disturb you..."

Tanira voice small, like rat wey dey fear cat. She try talk gentle, but I fit hear the fear inside.

"But I don carry belle, and Brother Seyi no fit let me dey alone..."

She talk am, then look ground. Her hand dey tremble. She dey beg for mercy in her own way, try make Morayo pity her.

Tanira voice bring me back.

The whole room dey silent, only ceiling fan dey whine. Na her voice carry me return to present.

I hold her hand, waka pass Morayo, go parlour.

My leg heavy, but I no stop. As I waka pass, I fit smell her perfume—old, soft, like woman wey never leave house for days. I no fit look her eye. We enter parlour, drop bag, sit down.

After I settle Tanira for parlour, I enter master bedroom, remove our wedding photo, break am, throw am for dustbin.

Glass scatter for floor, picture tear small. I no even feel anything. I dey do am like person wey wan clean old wound. The frame wey we snap that year—white suit, her gele tall—don turn ordinary paper now.

When I come back, Morayo no dey cry again.

She don clean her face, even powder small. She sit for dining table, dey turn ring for her finger. Her leg cross, she look me straight.

She look me for face, cold, ask:

Her eye cold, voice steady. She talk as if she dey talk to stranger.

"Seyi, I follow you suffer for over ten years. Now you dey treat me like this—you get conscience so?"

Her voice dey break small, but she hold am. I dey see the pain, but she dey package. She dey ask for justice.

Her words dey vex me again.

I dey try hold myself, but anger dey boil inside. I feel say she dey use my past against me.

I look her eye, reply her with scorn:

I no lower my voice. I wan make she know say I no dey fear am.

"So if you follow me suffer, e mean say you get entitlement?"

I talk am like say suffering be title wey person dey use claim land.

"Suffer just mean say you get luck."

I snap finger, look away. I dey talk with pride, like say na her luck say she jam better man.

"To follow person like me—wey dey shine—you suppose thank your ancestors."

I cross my leg, eye her from head to toe. I dey pour my chest out, make she hear am well.

The more I think am, the more my vex dey rise.

My mouth dey run, my heart dey boil. I dey remember all the times she complain, all the times she dey form madam. I no fit take am again.

"Morayo."

I call her full name, drop all pet names. I wan make she know say matter don change.

"Ten years marriage, you still no fit born, you still dey make mouth?"

I hiss, look ceiling. I dey reason am—after all the prayers and fasting, still nothing.

"You know wetin dey happen to hen wey no dey lay egg for my papa village?"

I remind her, for my papa side, hen wey no dey lay egg, na pot dey end am. Community no dey pity.

"I don try for you, so why you stubborn? Tanira don carry my pikin—why you no wan sign divorce?"

I raise voice small, palm table. I dey show say I no fit beg again.

Morayo look me as if she no know me again.

Her eye wide, her face blank. She just dey observe me like stranger.

She quiet long, then just laugh small.

The laugh dry, like say she dey mock me. No happiness inside.

"Seyi, you sure say na your pikin dey her belle?"

Her words shock me.

Na like cold water for my body. I never expect am. I just stand there, dey blink.

E take me some seconds to realise say she dey try scatter me and Tanira.

She dey use old woman sense, try plant doubt for my mind. I dey almost fall for am.

I wan shout for her, but Tanira talk first, her voice dey pain.

Her voice break, tears dey rush come out. She dey tremble, hold my hand tight.

"Aunty Morayo, Brother Seyi don tell me your story..."

Her eye dey pity, but pain dey join. She wan explain, but her voice dey fail.

"For my mind, I dey always respect you, but why you go talk like that about me now..."

She bite her lip, look down. She dey try hold herself.

"I be just student, my papa and mama strict well. Before I meet Brother Seyi, I never even get boyfriend..."

She dey talk true. Her background pure. Na real Ajebutter life she live before.

As she finish, her eyes red, tears dey corner.

Her body dey shake, but she dey try stand strong. I feel am—she dey shame, she dey hurt, she dey beg for small dignity.

My mind pain me.

E pain me say na me cause all this wahala. I dey reason say, 'Wetin I really dey do?'

Person like her, innocent, make older woman like Morayo dey insult her—e too much.

Na real wahala I don start. I dey regret small, but pride dey hold me.

I no wan make Tanira shame again, so I carry her enter master bedroom.

As I dey walk her inside, I use my hand block her face from Morayo. I wan shield her from all the pain and talk wey no good.

As I wan close door, Morayo cold voice come again.

Her voice sharp, dey cut like blade. She no even raise voice, but the pain deep.

"Seyi, so na me you wan turn to mumu for this your house? As husband and wife reach this level, I no get anything to talk again."

She pause, look me from head to toe, then face wall.

"Since you insist say you wan enter fire, I no go stop you."

She cross arm, face TV. She dey talk like old woman wey don give up.

Those words dey sweet and dey pain me.

I dey confuse—part of me dey happy say she finally gree, another part dey fear say her curse fit catch me.

Sweet because she finally gree for divorce.

I fit finally dey free. No more struggle, no more quarrel.

Pain because she dey curse me.

She dey talk say if I do am, fire go catch me. I dey hear the warning.

She dey sure say if I leave her, I go suffer.

She no dey beg, she dey prophesy. My body cold.

Heh, as if e possible.

I brush the fear aside. I dey tell myself say nothing fit happen.

She no know say my company dey about to blow. Once dem list am, I go get billions. Na my time.

With that kind money, my new family no fit ever suffer—even if we spend am for ten lifetimes, e no go finish.

I dey feel like king. But for inside my chest, fear dey knock—wetin if all this shine turn to shadow?