Chapter 4: Love, Philosophy, and Discovery

But I really love Femi?

Sometimes, I go dey sit down dey ask myself, "Na love be this or na craze?"

Wetin be love sef?

I go read book, ask people, but no answer fit me. Wetin be this thing wey dey make person dey behave like mumu?

Freud talk say: "Love na from how human dey find wetin e no get." Oyinbo sabi plenty talk, but for Naija, na survival first.

Book people get explanation for everything. Dem go yarn theory, but my own na real life.

Jung talk say: "Big soul na man and woman together; that love at first sight na just you dey fall for another version of yourself." Na so oyinbo dey talk am, but for here, na who go fit run house join.

Sometimes, I reason say maybe na me dey look for my missing part. Maybe na why I dey follow Femi like fly.

So maybe, as I dey run follow Femi, na me dey find complete version of myself.

I dey try fix wetin I feel say dey miss. If e good, I go join am. If e bad, I go waka.

So now, I don complete.

Na this marriage be my last bus stop. Even if e pain me, na so e be. I don try.

Next day—

Mosquito bite me tire. I wake up, eye red, Femi still dey sleep, e snore soft.

When I wake, Femi still dey sleep.

E phone just dey shine with message—every sender na influencer avatar, fine name.

Some get blue tick, some get funny emoji. I no even fit keep up. Na babes full everywhere.

Wetin dem talk, I no even look.

I just bone. If I check, my mind go scatter. I just face my own lane.

I help am plug phone (battery almost die) for charger.

I do am like caring wife. I plug phone, arrange cable, make e no come dey vex say e miss important call.

As I dey cross over Femi, e just grab my ankle.

E hand strong. I shock small. My heart skip beat. I look am.

E no even open eye, just pull me down, make I sit on top am.

Na force, e no send if I ready or not. E want wetin e want.

"Do am."

E voice still rough from sleep, deep, dey sweet.

The kind voice wey dey make woman body tingle. E dey command, e dey beg at the same time.

One year ago, I for jump am quick.

Last year, I for don jump reach cloud. But now, my mind dey somewhere else.

But now—

I just climb down awkwardly: "Husband, big oga dey come today. I no fit late!"

I dey dodge. I dey form busy, but na truth. Work don dey important pass love.

Femi face change, dark.

E frown, face squeeze like kpomo for pot. E no happy.

Before I commot, I remind am, "Husband, I dey travel for work three days. Abeg take care!"

I dey try act like caring wife. I pack small bag, dey arrange my things. I dey repeat am, make e hear.

I even send am again for WhatsApp.

Just to make sure say e no forget. I add smiley, dey act soft.

But I still no rest.

My mind dey do ping pong. I dey fear say e go misbehave as I no dey house. My spirit no calm.

Because I remember—e don set my WhatsApp message on silent.

I dey reason say e no dey even get my message alert. Na another person e dey follow chat, I dey sure.

So I message one of e party friends:

[Abeg, I dey travel three days, help me look after Femi, thanks (smiley face)!]

I add small prayer join, "Make God hold am for your hand." I dey try protect my property.

I reach office early.

I no even get time chop. I reach before cleaner. Oga surprise say I dey work sharp.

That night, I do overtime.

Everybody dey go, I still dey grind. Oga dey pity me, but I dey form strong.

Oga even dey pity: "Morayo, since your trip no hold, no rush the work. Go house early."

E dey smile, dey look me like pikin. E no know say na my house I dey run from.

"I go finish am before I go."

I dey stubborn. I dey use work hold myself, make I no think too much.

Still, I no leave till 10:30pm.

For this Abuja, to dey waka late get as e be, but my mind no dey house. I just dey push time.

10:30—

With the security app wey I install for phone, I see one woman dey knock my house door.

My blood cold. I dey peep camera from phone, see as babe dey knock, dey look behind.

As dem open, Femi just dey wear sleep short.

E open door, scratch belle, dey act like say e just wake up. The girl dey shy, dey look ground.

The woman dey shy. Femi look am up and down, then open door make she enter.

I just dey watch, dey count seconds for my mind. Na so e open, the babe enter. Dem no know say my eye dey ground.

I almost press accelerator.

If not for self control, I for don rush go house, break door. But I tell myself, "No wahala, relax."

No wahala, no rush.

I dey try balance myself. Woman wey sabi, no dey rush scatter home. I need evidence.

Femi no dey quick like that.

Normally, e dey take time before e misbehave. But tonight, e spirit dey high. I dey watch.

11:00—

I reach house.

My heart dey beat like talking drum. I park for gate, breathe in and out before I open door.

My hand dey shake as I dey enter code, I miss am once.

I try second time, the code enter. Na so e be when your mind dey fly.

As I open door, everywhere scatter—

Bra for chair, pant for TV stand, makeup brush for table. The whole house smell like cheap perfume and fried plantain—confusion everywhere. If EFCC enter here, dem go think say dem catch brothel.

Pant, torn stocking, things wey honest person eye no suppose see.

I just close eye for small second. But my eye stubborn. I open again. The wahala full everywhere.

But Femi fast pass my thought—the bedroom door just open.

Na so Femi appear, e body shine, sweat dey. E look surprise.

One naked woman dey near door, dey whine:

The babe dey do small baby voice, dey twist body like say she dey act movie. E no even send me.

"Femi, I fly come see you, no chase me commot now. If you wan try another style..."

E dey yarn, dey beg. The confidence shock me. I just fold hand.

E answer am with woman pant wey e throw give her.

"Carry your wahala dey go," na e body language.

"I don send you transport. Abeg, dey go!"

E voice low, but e no dey beg. E don tire.

Femi just dey stroll out, voice dey drag.

E no look my face. E dey act like say e dey supermarket, no be house.

The woman still dey beg: "If you no like me, I get friend—she fine die. You wan see picture?"

Na desperation. The babe dey try sell e friend. I just dey look.

"She dey club near here, make we go flex..."

E dey pitch club package. For her mind, na better business.

E just look the picture, no talk.

Femi dey scroll phone, e eye no show interest. I dey watch, dey learn.

Then e raise head, see me—

For that moment, e surprise. E eye widen, but e no talk.

The woman just keep quiet.

For once, peace enter room. Nobody dey move.

Everywhere silent.

Na so, even generator for neighbor house quiet. E shock everybody.