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DNA Wahala Spoil My Government Job / Chapter 4: DNA, Betrayal, and the Truth Hang Heavy
DNA Wahala Spoil My Government Job

DNA Wahala Spoil My Government Job

Author: Tyler Smith


Chapter 4: DNA, Betrayal, and the Truth Hang Heavy

With this kind big problem for background screening, and time don pass, everybody else don do their medicals, and the organisation don announce final results. All my mates don dey share offer letter for WhatsApp group, dey celebrate. My own side, na only bad news dey come.

After the screening, I don resign from my old job as dem require—say dem need time to find replacement and hand over my work. I hand over my ID card, clear table, even buy small snack for office. My boss dey say, “Congrats, Olisa. Government work no be beans.” If only she know.

Now, I no get the new job, and na for this kind strange reason. Omo, my chest heavy. My mind dey fly. Mama dey wipe tears for kitchen, Papa just dey drink tea every hour.

I felt lost and powerless, like say life dey use me play—no matter how I try, e no work. My spirit dey low. Even my dog dey look me, no dey bark again. I lock myself inside room for one full day and night. I off my phone, close curtain. Just dey lie down dey watch ceiling. My junior brother try knock, I no answer.

My parents no disturb me, but I dey hear dem waka for my door back and forth. Dem dey whisper, dey pray, sometimes dey sigh loud. Mama go drop food by my door, I no touch.

Even for their sake, I had to gather myself quick and face reality. I no fit just accept this kind fate—I must find answer by force. I remember how Papa always talk, “Real man no dey run from fight. Even if na lion.”

Besides, if I ever wan apply for any other job, I still need to pass background screening. My mind settle, I sit up, begin arrange file and evidence again. I no fit let this one follow me go grave.

By daybreak, I carry all the evidence and go straight to the police station. I bath, wear neat shirt, tell Mama, “Pray for me, I dey go station.” She hug me, hold her cross, dey pray.

The police no waste time. Dem quickly check the evidence and investigate my social connections. Detective Musa, wey dey handle my case, just dey shine eye. “Olisa, calm down. We go get to bottom.” He even collect fanta for me as I dey sweat.

First evidence na the family record page. Surprisingly, the official record dey there, but the family booklet I bring from house na fake. Omo, my mind scatter. Dem show me the difference: my own get small typo for council stamp. I dey wonder who fit forge that kain thing.

Second evidence, the paternity test report, na real report from a legit institution. Dem crosscheck with hospital, everything check out. Na only sample dem need confirm. The only thing wey remain na whether the father’s sample for the report na my own.

I quickly ask, “Oga, abeg, collect my hair, do the thing sharp. Make this matter end.” I immediately submit my own hair to the police for DNA comparison. I sit for corner, dey watch as dem put my sample for envelope. Even write my name big big. Dem say the result go take two days. I dey count seconds. I no even fit eat. My phone dey my hand 24/7.

As I dey wait with tension, I get message for WhatsApp from my childhood friend Dapo, wey I never hear from in a long time, say make we go drink. The message long, but e just dey casual: “Guy, you dey? Make we go flex small. You too dey hide.”

Recently, my mind don dey hot, and I just want drown my sorrows, so I agree sharp-sharp. I no even reason anything. Na so I bath, wear slippers, waka go joint.

Dapo and I grow up together for the same compound. As children, na together we dey climb mango, play ten-ten, even share exam runs. Everybody for area sabi our friendship. Our parents work together for government office for years. Later, after dem demolish his family house, dem get big compensation, and after JAMB, his whole family move go big house for new estate.

After dem move, life no too remain the same. Na once in a blue moon we dey see, but gist still flow when we jam. Since we go university for different cities, we just gradually lose touch. But social media dey help sometimes. Na me still get his old football boots for house.

But we be like brothers wey wear only pants together as pikin, so as we meet, we quickly bond again. As soon as he enter, we just dey hail, dey slap back, dey yarn old tori. People for bar dey look us like say we be comedians.

We remember all the embarrassing childhood stories and dey laugh at each other. After some bottles, we open up about our troubles. Dapo remind me how we steal Mama Ngozi sugar that year, I remind am how he cry for school. Laughter wan burst my belle.

Na there I hear say Dapo lose work half year ago, come back house, never still see better job, dey live on his parents and dem dey pressure am to marry. He shake head, “My guy, this life no balance. Mama don dey carry prayer warriors for my case.” I just nod, say, “Na so we all dey.”

I also tell am about my background screening wahala, and just laugh at how life fit turn anyhow. I raise my glass, “See as person life fit scatter for Naija. Only one call, na so everything change.”

But as I talk am, he just look me like mumu, stare at me for long before he come back to himself. E be like say the matter touch am. He just dey shake leg under table. He dey tap bottle for table, dey shift leg like person wey dey wait for NEPA to bring light.

He tap me for shoulder: “No be big deal, my guy. You always sabi book. Just... just write another exam, find another job.” He try talk am light, but his eye no dey smile.

I finish my drink and laugh bitterly, “Ehn, you think say e easy? My course no too common, few vacancies dey.” I dey laugh, but my heart dey pain me. Job wey fit change my family life.

“Na that pikin wey come from nowhere cause all this. If I catch am, I go strip him papa and mama naked run for street. If dem like claim random papa, make their whole family dey claim!”

Dapo choke on his drink, quick wipe mouth. Bar people even look our side. I no know if na because I don high, but I notice say Dapo face change somehow. His smile just freeze, he begin tap bottle for table small small. But I no reason am too much, just think say e too don high. I just yarn another joke, try move gist go football.

But within two days, I understand why he act that way. The matter soon clear.

Two days later, DNA results come out—I no be the person wey provide the sample for the paternity test report. Omo, as police read the result, I almost dance azonto for station. “Oga, I talk am!”

Plus, police check all the boys wey bear “Olisa Junior” for the system, and after dem remove those wey age or family no match, dem almost pinpoint the real one. Dem even show me list—most na from other towns. Only one match fit our own area.

According to school registration, dem even locate the school and house address. Dem get the boy home address, even picture for school file. My heart dey beat, but I ready.

The truth don almost show! I dey smile inside police car as we dey drive. My parents follow us. Mama dey pray under her breath, Papa dey frown like soldier.

I carry my parents follow police go the house. Compound dey big, painted fresh. Security dey gate, but police just flash ID, enter. As dem open door, I no expect to see three familiar faces.

I nearly drop for ground. Na Dapo, his papa Mr. Adewale, and Mama Dapo. My childhood friend Dapo, and his parents Mr. Adewale and Mama Dapo. Dapo dey hold remote, his mama dey tie scarf, papa dey read newspaper. Both families look each other in surprise.

Na so everywhere freeze. Even the housemaid wey dey sweep stop, look up. But the surprise for Adewale family get another meaning. Na only Dapo face show real fear. His mama just dey frown.

Police, wey no know say we sabi ourselves, explain the reason for the visit official-style. Officer Musa read paper with him heavy accent: “We dey here because of paternity case concerning minor, Olisa Junior.”

As police finish, Mama Dapo start to rain insult on me without holding back. “God forbid bad thing! Olisa, na so you take repay us? You dey do pass yourself for outside? Tufia! Olisa, na me born you? See as you gentle for small pikin, now na pikin you dey hide. Your papa dey church every Sunday, but you go dey do bad thing for back. See your head!”

“I say, Olisa, Aunty Dapo watch you grow up. You dey behave gentle and quiet, but I no believe say you fit do this kind thing.” Her voice rise, neighbors begin peep window.

“Before, everybody dey say na our Dapo lead you astray, but see am now—who lead who? Tufia! Our Dapo no fit do this kind shameful thing!” She even slap her thigh, hiss. Dapo dey bow head.

“E good say you fail background screening—God dey see. Even if you get government job, you go still break law…”

I wan talk, but my mouth no fit open. Papa squeeze my hand tight. The more Mama Dapo talk, the more she overdo. Dapo dey look me with sorry eyes, dey drag her quietly, but she no gree.

Mr. Adewale, her husband, come cough twice, quietly beg her to calm down. He whisper, “Iyawo, e don do.” But she no answer.

All of us outside just dey look, anger dey boil. Neighbours dey gather for fence, dey whisper.

Wait, I never even accuse them for the wahala wey dey, and she get mind dey insult me? I dey boil, but I hold myself. My mama dey frown, dey ready to fire back.

My mama no dey carry last, she step forward to reply Mama Dapo. “My friend, shut up! Na your pikin we dey talk. You think say na only una sabi shout? Next time, talk well!”

I quickly hold her—this no be time for shouting. To find the truth na the main thing. I grip her wrapper, whisper, “Mama, abeg. No disgrace us for estate.” She nod but dey grumble.

Even police tire for the woman, glare at her, then shout: “Enough! Madam, we dey handle case here, abeg mind your mouth! You get six-year-old boy called Olisa Junior for your house?” The officer eye red. He no get patience for drama.

I just dey look Dapo. As dem ask the question, Dapo face just turn white. His lips dey shake, his hand dey sweat. He dey look everywhere but my face.

But before dem answer, one small voice shout nearby: “Who dey call you grandpa?”

Na so one small boy run out from parlour, gamepad for hand, toy sword dey wave. All his teeth dey outside as he smile. The small boy wey dey play game for sofa run come, dey wave toy sword for door.

I look well, his nose resemble Dapo own small. E still dey surprise me. I quickly check him face—he no too resemble Adewale family. Even my mama dey whisper, “This one no get our head shape.”

“Small pikin, you be Olisa Junior?” police squat and ask am gently. Officer Musa squat, his face soft: “Omo mi, wetin be your name?”

As the boy see police, he just shrink and hide behind Dapo. He hold Dapo tight, look me with big eye. “Daddy, why police dey come catch me? I no beat anybody.”

The small pikin voice just make everybody laugh small, but tension still dey. Police no waste time with the pikin, just face Dapo:

He rise up, “Oga, we dey ask you. Na your pikin? You be Dapo, abi?”

“You be Dapo? Na him be Olisa Junior? You be him papa?”

Dapo dey open mouth, close mouth. Sweat dey his forehead. “Yes, no... no.” Dapo dey stammer.

“So, na you or no be you?” Police don dey vex.

Mama Dapo no fit hold herself: “Officer, abeg no disturb my son. The person wey abandon pikin no be my son, na Olisa behind you. Na him own son, Olisa Junior. E dey call my son ‘dad’ because my son na him godfather.”

She point me, hiss, cross her hand for chest. “Now wey Olisa family don gather, abeg carry your pikin go house go raise am. No use my son block marriage again.”

The way she talk, all of us just confuse. Even police dey scratch head. I dey reason if na joke.

“Dapo, wetin dey happen? I no even know this boy—how e take be my own?” I was lost. I dey shake, dey face Dapo. “Guy, talk true. No put me for trouble.”

Dapo wipe sweat, no look my face, just dey look police. “Officer, see as e be. Olisa na my childhood friend. He say he no fit carry him pikin go house because him family dey arrange blind date for am and he dey fear say the girls go mind, so he beg me to help him look after the pikin for a while.”

The story long, but Dapo dey yarn am with steady voice. My mind dey turn. “I pity the pikin, so I take am as my godson, dey raise am.” He even rub the boy head, dey smile fake smile.

“Olisa, just admit am. If you no fit take care of the pikin, I fit dey raise am.” As he talk, he signal the boy beside him. The boy quickly run leave Dapo leg, hug me, dey shout ‘daddy’ up and down. Even my papa eye me well, mama dey frown.

My mouth dey open, words no gree come out. This kain drama, I never see am before. He act so well that even my parents start to doubt and look me with question for their eyes. I see the way my mama dey look me, her faith dey shake small. Papa just dey rub chin.

I just shock at Dapo’s move. I don see person take blame for friend, but I never see person carry pikin for another. This one pass all those small lies wey we dey tell for primary school. This na real life.

My anger just turn to confusion. I stare at him and ask, “Dapo, you sure say na my pikin be this?” I dey try read his face, but e just dey dodge eye.

“If no be your own, e fit be my own? Why my own pikin go dey bear Olisa instead of Adewale? Olisa, since uncle and aunty know now, abeg no hide again.” He smile, but na fake. My mind dey tell me say something dey hide for the matter.

As he talk, Dapo dey wink at me with that our old secret sign. Na so my mind flash back to when we dey hide from Mama Ebuka after we break her mirror. Na the same secret signal. I understand—na the same code wey we use as kids to cover for each other, just like those times I help am take blame.

But this one concern my whole future—why I go cover for you? I dey breathe fast. The room dey hot. My own friend dey put me for government wahala?

I dey shake with anger, point Olisa Junior: “This no be like when we dey help each other as pikin—this na real pikin, na lifetime matter!” My voice loud, even police surprise. Everybody freeze.

“Dapo, you still dey open mouth dey talk say na my pikin? Dapo, fear God o! So, na una report me for the place wey I apply?”

As I finish, the whole parlour dey quiet. Na so Mama Dapo begin shout again, but this time, police tell her, “Madam, if you talk again, we go carry you go station join.”

The matter don reach breaking point. The truth hang for air, heavy like raincloud—one word fit scatter everybody life.

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