Chapter 3: Truth, Goodbye, and Naija Love

I stand, waka go front. My legs dey shake, but I gather my courage. I pick the letter, my eye dey shine with tears, but I no hide am.

I pick the letter, look her face wey dey scatter. She dey avoid my eye, but I still dey try reach her. For that moment, na just me and her, the class fade away.

As my mama dey move, her head tie fall. The wrapper wey dey hold her head just drop, her hair scatter. But sun from window shine for her face, make am glow.

Her hair just fall down, evening sun dey shine for her face. Everybody for class dey see her beauty, her pain. For that moment, I see her like human being, no be just teacher.

That year, that day, she fine like that too. Memory flash for my mind, the first day I see her, her own hair scatter, sun dey kiss her cheek.

Adults think say I no sabi, tell me go play for field, but I know everything. E get as children dey observe, even when adults think say dem no know anything. I dey hear their whispers, I dey see their tears.

For cold harmattan, I sit for hospital park dey cry. She come meet me. I remember as my nose red, my finger dey shake. She just appear, sit beside me, like angel wey God send.

That time, she no dey serious like now. Her face dey bright, she dey play with chewing gum, dey throw leg anyhow. No single makeup, just joy.

She dress like small girl, carry one-side bag, dey chew gum. Her bag get sticker of Nollywood actress, her skirt short, her laugh dey sharp. She no fit pretend her joy.

As I look up, she blow bubble, give me gum too. That bubble burst, I laugh small, but tears still dey flow. Na first time stranger share with me.

She say, "Pikin, why you dey cry?" Her voice soft, she use pikin tone, dey try reach my heart.

I small that time. I point hospital, dey cry say my mama dey go die. I no fit talk well, but she understand wetin dey worry me. My heart dey heavy.

She understand sharp. She no ask plenty question. Na just her hand she put for my back. She rub my head, talk say I dey worry too much. With pikin wey fine like this, who go wan leave?

Her words na small hope, I remember am till today. She dey laugh small, but serious for eye.

I still dey cry, she squat, hug me. Her hug warm pass wrapper wey dey sun. I hold am tight, forget shame.

When person dey sad, na hug dey sweet pass. Sometimes, hug dey cure pain pass medicine. For that moment, I feel peace.

I no dey cry for adults. I know my papa dey run up and down for my mama, always dey tense. I dey hide my pain, but she see am sharp.

That day, for stranger arm, I cry well. Na first time I let everything go. Her cloth soak my tears, but she no complain.

She no talk plenty, just dey pat my back, like my mama dey do before. Na that kind patting dey heal, no be words. Her hand dey rub my back like say she sabi me since.

I remember the sun for her body. Na harmattan sun, soft and gentle, e mix with her lavender scent.

I remember the lavender smell. Since then, if I smell lavender for road, na her face I dey see.

I remember her warm hug. E get as hug dey heal broken heart. Her warmth dey enter bone, no be ordinary hug.

I remember the lip balm taste. Na honey flavour. Every time my lips crack, na that memory dey remind me say person fit care for me.

I go always remember: after I cry finish, she kiss my forehead, tell me say e good for boy to cry if e no fit hold am, but after crying, you still be man.

Those words na my backbone since. She teach me say man fit get soft side, no mean say you weak.

I pick the letter, look her eye direct. My own eye red, but I dey strong. I wan make she hear me, no be only from mama mouth.

She ask, "Wetin you wan do?" Her voice no get the usual authority. She dey look me, na real worry dey her face now.

I say, "Na me write am. I love. I go finish am."

I stand firm, voice steady. I gree my feelings for public, no shame again.

She beg, "No read. Teacher know say you be good person. Make e end here. As long as you no give this letter before you graduate, I no go hold am against you."

Her own voice dey beg. She dey try protect me and herself. Her face dey soft.

I smile small. "If I no read am now, I no go get chance again."

My own stubbornness dey show. I dey stand for my truth, my own way of saying goodbye. Since dem don catch me, why I go hide? Better to face my mind.

Na so life be. Once yawa gas, better make you stand gidigba. Na my own story I dey own.

For front of everybody, I continue: "As you dey read this letter, I don already pack my load go. Abeg, make I take style say goodbye, I no fit use the last half year stay with you."

My voice dey low, but the pain dey sharp. For my mind, I dey imagine the journey wey no go happen.

"Wetin you mean?" She quick cut in, her voice dey shake, like say she no wan lose me. Her eyes dey beg me explain.

The class teacher cut in, voice dey shake: "Wetin you mean by go? You no dey come back next term?"

I look her, my heart dey beat, but I gree. I must finish this talk.

I no answer her, I continue: "Sorry, I no fit go university. I want enjoy youth like others, but I no fit waste four years."

My voice dey pain me. I dey talk truth, I no fit pretend. Na my own fate I dey face.

The class teacher frown. "No talk that kind thing. Who say na waste? If you try, you fit enter same university with the girl, una fit spend four years together."

Her face dey change, she dey argue with hope. She wan encourage me, but I dey stuck for my own pain.

I read soft: "Four years from now, you go dey twenty-eight. People wey dey follow you go don be big men, but me I still be small boy wey dey start."

As I dey read, my voice dey shake. The whole class dey listen, the truth dey cut everybody. Age, life, status—na all these wahala dey scatter love.

Everywhere quiet. You fit hear the sound of chalk wey drop. Everybody dey hold breath, dey wait my next word.

Everybody dey look me, the class teacher eye wide. She dey shock, like person wey just see ghost. Her body stiff, her mouth open.

She ask, "The girl—she dey twenty-four now? Six years senior you?"

Classmates whisper, some dey open mouth—age gap matter dey hot for Naija gist.

Her voice low, almost whisper. E get one kind mix of shock and worry.

"Mm." I nod, voice low. Na truth.

"She no be student?" She dey try reason the whole matter, make e clear for her.

"Na you. Na you I love since."

I talk am plain, no shake. The truth set me free, even if shame dey follow.

The class teacher nearly faint, hold desk. She grab the edge, her hand dey tremble. For her eye, na plenty things dey go on.

She just dey breathe hard, dey look me. Her chest dey rise and fall. Na only me and her dey exist for that moment.

I drop the letter, smile. "Two years ago, you tell us say na your first time be class teacher, you go try your best."

I dey remind her of her own journey. Everybody dey start somewhere, nobody holy pass.

"Ten years ago, I tell myself say na the first time person hug me, give me warmth I never forget."

My voice dey soft. The class dey silent. Everybody dey learn small small about love, pain, memory.

"You fit no remember the help you give that time, but I be that small boy wey love pass. Na God bring us meet again, show me the distance."

Her own tears dey gather, I fit see am. Maybe she dey remember that small boy for hospital park.

"I plan finish this term, dey take every day like last, but since e don burst, make I end am well."

I dey try gather myself, prepare for final goodbye.

The class teacher just dey look me. Her eye red, voice no fit come out. The whole class dey hold breath, everybody dey feel the weight.

I help my mama stand, bow deep to the class teacher. My head touch chest, I greet her well, respect dey full my body. Even as pain dey, I dey show gratitude.

"I no go give you wahala. Education people no go come disturb you, because as you see my letter, I don already submit my withdrawal letter to principal."

Everybody shock. Teacher open mouth, my mama hold chest. I dey take decision for my own life, no be small thing.

I smile small. "I love you, till I die."

Na last thing I talk, but na truth wey go live for my heart forever. For that class, nobody go forget today. Love, wahala, and hope join body—Naija style. Tomorrow, everybody go talk, but my own heart don talk finish.