Chapter 1: The First Wife’s Burden

For this my first life, everything wey happen, na because dem call me first wife.

You sabi as e be—when dem name you first wife for family like our own, na your head dem go put all the wahala, make you dey smile even if your chest dey bleed. Sometimes I go just siddon for window, dey hear that soft whirr wey harmattan dey do, dey reason if na my destiny to dey shift for others. The dust go enter my eyes small, but I no even mind.

Ifedike teach me only one thing for this life—how to shift for others, even when my own heart dey pain.

E go start dey talk am soft, like say na beg e dey beg, but before you know, e go turn to order wey dey hide for sweet mouth. "You be the pillar for this family, na you dey hold everybody for head," e go talk, but wetin e mean be: shift, make others chop before you.

When e junior brother kpai, na so e talk make I shift again, so the one wey dey follow am for work, wey dey by e side, turn to my sister-in-law, Morayo.

E be like say I be shadow, always dey comot for road make others waka for sun. Morayo, with her round face and laughter wey dey easy, turn to the woman wey dey share my husband’s days. Na me remain with empty night and prayers wey no get answer. Elders go dey yan for corner, but nobody gree stand for me.

When our pikin dem grow, e still talk make I shift.

Like say motherhood and suffer no dey expire. Even when my pikin need help, na so e go sigh talk, "You suppose understand, abi? Make we no cause wahala for family. You know say if two elephants fight, na the ground dey suffer."

Na so Morayo pikin dem get government work, all because Ifedike sabi people.

E pain me, but I swallow am. I dey look as appointment letter and congratulatory people dey full her compound, my own pikin dey struggle find leg stand. Ehn, my heart dey heavy like stone.

Every month, dem dey collect tens of thousands naira for pension, dey enjoy better treatment for teaching hospital.

People for area go dey point Morayo pikin, dey talk, "See as God bless dem," dem no know say na my own pikin mouth dem collect blessing from. Even doctors for hospital dey hail dem.

But my own pikin just dey suffer, dey work from morning till night, no rest.

Sometimes I go hear my son footsteps as e dey drag enter house, e back bend like yam farmer after harvest. E no dey complain, but when e look me, na silent blame I dey see for e eye.

I know say my pikin dey blame me too.

The weight of e disappointment heavy me like mortar for chest. Sometimes for night, when only cricket dey sing, I go dey reason, God, abeg, na so my life go just dey? Dem say patience na virtue, but na who patience help?

One side, e dey feel say I no fit hold my husband heart; the other side, e dey see me dey try please Morayo family.

E no dey talk much, but anytime e dodge my eye, na like slap e dey do me. I dey like person wey stand for two side of river, no fit cross go love or respect side.

Even for my eighty years birthday, na like say everybody forget me, go dey celebrate Morayo instead.

That day, I wear my best lace, tie my gele reach sky, dey hope say person go remember me. But as compound full with laugh, aroma of fried plantain, and suya smoke just dey curl for air, children dey chase each other with balloons from market, na Morayo dem gather for. My heart twist like say e wan break.

I no fit hold am again. I rush scatter the whole jollof rice and chicken table.

Make I no lie, I lose myself that day. I just turn the tray, rice dey fly, chicken leg dey roll for ground. Children stop dance, drummer quiet. Tears dey rush my face like palm oil for white cloth.

As I collapse with heart attack, last thing wey I see na everybody dey surround Morayo, dey fear say she go vex.

Even as my chest dey seize, darkness dey near, not one person look me. It be like say I don die since before my body give way. Even my shadow no follow me go.

If dem give me another chance for life, I swear, Ifedike no go see my back again.

No more siddon for corner. No more bend make others pass. Even if sky fall, na my own happiness I go find first.