Chapter 2: Shadow for Curtain, Fire for Mind

After that day, she move come dey stay with us. For my mind, e be like say Nollywood actress come lodge for our house.

As she dey settle in, all my neighbors dey peep through window, dey gossip. My mama dey smile anyhow, dey tell people say her friend from Port Harcourt come visit. Everywhere for compound dey lively.

For night, she go just relax for chair, cross leg, light cigarette, dey laugh as my mama dey shout for me say I no get sense to fall from bicycle.

She dey form big girl, dey cross leg like say na her house. She go use match light cigarette, inhale, then laugh with full chest. Sometimes, she go tease my mama, "Ah-ahn, this your pikin no dey hear word o!"

She no ever tell my mama say dem beat me.

She fit lock mouth like crocodile. Na her type dey carry secret reach grave. She just dey shine teeth, dey cover for me, as if na normal thing.

I don hear say woman no suppose dey smoke, but Aunty Kemi fine well when she dey do am.

The way she dey hold cigarette for hand, e dey look like movie scene. She go puff, then talk about life like philosopher, everybody go quiet listen.

One day I ask why she dey stay with us, dem just tell me make I no ask too much.

Na that kind hush hush matter. My mama just say, "Children no dey put mouth for adult talk." I gree keep quiet, but my ear dey ground.

Our house small, no extra room. Make she no go share room with my parents, my mama use curtain divide my room.

Dem use wrapper and one old curtain divide my small room. My own side near window, Aunty Kemi side near the wardrobe. E turn to mini boys' quarter overnight.

Aunty Kemi dey sleep for my bed. Me, I dey sleep for ground.

I no even complain. I just dey arrange my mat for ground, use wrapper cover myself. Even when mosquito bite me, I dey endure. For my mind, na sacrifice.

For night, I go lie down for floor, Aunty Kemi go dey on top bed, wear camisole nightdress, dey rub body lotion.

She go dey hum song from Asa or Onyeka Onwenu, sometimes she go gist with me. The way she dey rub lotion for leg, my eye no dey stay one place.

I dey look her hand as e dey move for her fair legs. I dey shy, but she just treat me like pikin, dey ask, “Why dem beat you?”

Her voice dey calm, she dey treat me like say I be her younger brother. But me, my heart dey jump like frog.

I say, “He dey smoke for bathroom when teacher come. He wan make I hide the cigarette, but I no gree. Teacher catch am, so he warn me make I no comot after school.”

I talk am softly, dey try impress her say I no dey do bad thing. Her face no change, she just nod like say she dey calculate revenge.

Aunty Kemi nod, then sharply close curtain.

She drag the curtain, the hook nearly fall. As the cloth close, e make one kind old squeaky sound.

Mosquito dey sing for my ear, generator hum dey background, but na her shadow dey loudest. I dey hear as she dey undress for the other side. She talk again, “I go help you deal with am.”

Her voice soft, but sure. As she talk, the scent of her lotion just dey spread reach my side.

She promise to protect me.

Her voice be like shield. I feel safe, like say if I get wahala, she go stand for me.

But boys wey dey grow up, their mind no pure.

As I dey hear her zip, my mind no pure again. Hormones just dey dance inside my body. I shame for myself, but I no fit control am.

Na only her undressing I dey think of, as she dey naked behind that curtain.

Every shadow for the curtain dey tempt me. My eye dey wide for darkness, dey imagine things wey no good.

I do something wey no good.

Conscience dey fight me, but I no fit stop. I just dey hope say God go forgive me later.

Room get two bulbs. I off my own side.

I twist my switch quick quick. Darkness cover me, but the other side still dey bright.

The light from her side shine reach my side, so I fit see Aunty Kemi shadow—her shape dey show.

The shadow long for wall. E bend, e curve, like say nylon bag for Lagos gutter—light, no direction. My body dey shake, I dey fight myself make I no look.

She dey rub lotion. Even the shadow dey fine, like art. She still dey teach me: if person tell you make you wait after school, just jump fence run go house.

Her voice dey calm, but I no dey hear word again. My mind dey focus on the moving lines for the curtain, the way her hand dey trace her body.

That night, under my cloth, I hit myself well well.

I use hand slap my own head, dey pray say make all these bad thoughts disappear. I whisper, "God, abeg, no let my mama catch me for this kain thing."

I insult myself say I dey useless. Aunty Kemi dey good to me, but I still dey look her shadow anyhow.

I dey curse myself inside, "See as you dey behave. Na person mama friend you dey think anyhow. Shame catch you!"

I sleep, guilt full my body. Aunty Kemi come forget the promise to help me.

Sleep refuse come quick. My body hot, my mind dey heavy. For morning, I just dey avoid her face, dey hide for backyard.