Chapter 2: Corridor Confessions

As I drag my box reach house, na so I jam one girl wey dey open door dey waka commot. The rain dey tap zinc roof, breeze carry small smell of suya from junction. Rain just finish fall, my slippers dey slap wet tile as I drag box enter compound. For my mind, I dey pray make I no jam wahala. As I reach house, na so one girl just open door, dey waka commot with confidence like say na her papa get the whole building. She no even look my side, just dey bounce.

She wear one big black sweater wey show her fine collarbone, no sign of trouser anywhere, just one sharp stiletto heels for leg. She waka like Genevieve for red carpet, heels dey announce am. The breeze blow, sweater raise small, I catch glimpse of soft brown skin. Stiletto heels dey echo for corridor, that kain step wey dey announce person before you see face. If na Lagos, dem for don say na runs babe. But the swagger, e dey catch eye.

I sabi her—na Tobi band bassist, I think her name na Amara—small girl, early twenties, fine anyhow.

Her face dey shine, skin dey glow as if she rub shea butter with coconut oil. I remember say I don see her for Tobi band gig before, always dey do small smile for stage, dey move like say music dey inside her blood. Na them dey make Tobi band dey sweet.

Instinct just hold me for corridor, I no come out.

My body stiff for corner. Something inside dey tell me make I just wait small. For Naija, woman spirit dey strong, e go warn you when gbege dey near. I just dey observe from corridor, no wan show myself yet.

After small time, Tobi come out from behind her, only jeans for body, lean for wall dey light cigarette. Mosquito dey hum for corridor but Tobi no send. Chest bare, jeans low for waist, as if he dey audition for advert. I watch am lean for wall, fingers steady as he light cigarette. Him lighter na gold, that type wey only big men dey carry. For my mind, I dey wonder if e ever go learn. Na so all these fine boys dey do—trouble dey follow dem like body odour.

Him chest dey bare, water still dey drip from him fine body. Fresh like person wey just comot from bathroom. The water wey dey him chest dey catch corridor bulb, dey shine like say na diamond. I swallow spit, tell myself say na only fine face no dey keep home.

After a while, he just fling one Michael Kors bag, original—no be Aba make—give her. E do am sharp, like say na gala e dey dash conductor for bus stop. The bag land for her hand, she almost shout.

“Take am.”

Tobi voice deep, e dey command respect. No drama, just pure confidence. Sometimes, I dey wonder if na charm dey inside him mouth.

Amara eyes shine. She turn, rush hug Tobi, dey shout:

Na so she jump up, press body for am, almost squeeze him. Voice high, like say she win lottery. For Naija, small girls sabi overdo when gift enter.

“Ah! Na this bag I don dey eye since! Where you get am?”

Her teeth dey shine for dark. She swing the bag, dey admire am from every angle, eye full of excitement like JSS girl wey dem just give iPhone.

“I pick am last time I go Abuja.”

Tobi dey always travel, dey carry gift come back. Abuja gist dey sweet am. He talk am with that him slow drawl, as if e no mean anything. For my mind, I dey reason say e no fit do this one for me before.

“I too love am, thank you, baby!”

She bounce, voice soft. She dey jump up and down, dey hug the bag tight. For Naija, once babe call you 'baby', na big claim be that.

Amara wan still dey, but Tobi just dey vex, him face squeeze small.

E clear for face say e don tire for drama. Him forehead get small wrinkle, mouth dey twist. E dey try maintain composure, but eye dey show am.

“Abeg, make you dey go.”

No time for long story. He talk am, eyes straight, like say e dey pursue unwanted visitor. I dey watch, dey learn new level of nonchalance.

She bone face, act like say she dey vex but still dey form:

Amara lips pout, she frown like say e dey pain her. She adjust wig, press face like person wey swallow bitter leaf, but the excitement for her eyes no fit hide.

“You wicked o. Just call me ‘baby’ finish, now you dey pursue me.”

She talk am, voice carry small play. She dey try form vex, but everybody know say na gra-gra.

She no really vex, just carry the bag for shoulder, blow Tobi kiss:

She use hand fan herself, swing bag for shoulder, blow kiss, her stiletto heel tap ground as she dey go. Girls like Amara sabi use style catch attention even as dem dey waka commot.

“I dey go, see you tomorrow!”

She shout am for corridor, voice sweet. I just dey watch, dey count how many girls Tobi dey juggle. Na so city boys dey live.

As she commot, I come out from where I hide for corridor.

I step out, make shoe touch ground well, so my presence go dey known. As Amara dey waka go, her perfume still dey linger. Tobi head raise, eye jam mine. For my mind, I dey ready for any story.

Tobi shock say I don come back—he freeze, then arrange himself quick, act like say nothing dey.

He fumble small, clear throat, arrange jeans. Him swagger no fit hide him shock. Na Naija guy style, always try form control even when e no dey sure.

“Why you no tell me say you dey come back?”

Voice try dey calm, but e betray am. Hand dey pocket, eyes dey dodge mine. You go know say e no expect wahala today.

I look am for eye.

I no blink. I stand like Iroko tree, dey measure am with my eye. For this Lagos, na who get mind dey win.

“E late, I no wan disturb your sleep with call.”

I talk am gentle, but e carry weight. No time for drama, no time for beg. For my mind, I dey score one point for maturity.

The red mark for Tobi neck still fresh, but the guy no even send, just drag me inside with one hand.

My eye catch am—lipstick mark red like palm oil—e no even cover am. I bite tongue, tell myself say I no go cry for ordinary lipstick. Still, e carry me inside, like say na only him and spirit dey house.

“I dey hungry. Abeg cook something for me.” He crash for sofa, on TV like nothing happen.

He lie down, remote for hand, dey flip channel like king for palace. I dey wonder if na me dey mad, or if na him craze pass.

As I no move, he squeeze face:

Face squeeze like agbalumo, he eye dey find my own. E want make I beg or shout, but I just dey stand. For this kind moment, you go know if woman get power.

“Wetin happen?”

He talk am with small impatience. Like say e no dey understand why my leg still dey ground.

Then e be like say e don reason am, small lazy smile flash for him eye:

I see as the smile dey crawl enter him eye. That kain smile wey dey confuse babe. E go look like say na love, but deep down e just dey play game.

“You miss me?”

E talk am soft, voice low, hand dey waka my waist as if e dey test my resolve. Na so these city boys sabi manipulate mind.

He stand, hug me from back, him hot breath dey brush my neck, hand dey waka enter my shirt.

E press body, make heat transfer from him skin enter my own. The way him hand dey move, e sure say he sabi road. I close eye, dey feel every touch, even though my mind dey far.

“Make I chop you first before food—”

Voice deep, hand rough. E dey try use pleasure confuse me. I bite lip, dey hold myself. Na so e dey always do when e want make I forget fight.

The guy finger rough, e dey scratch my skin, e sweet and pain at the same time.

The pain dey mix with small sweet. My skin dey shiver, but my mind dey reject am. Na this kind wahala dey make woman confuse. I dey fight my body, dey reason why I still dey here.

I close eye, push am commot, tired.

I use small strength, push am away. I no even get voice to shout. Inside my heart, I dey vex say I dey weak for am.

I no go lie, I like Tobi body. Na him fine face even make me chase am that time.

If I talk truth, na Tobi body make me lose guard from beginning. For Naija, everybody sabi say fine boys dey wicked.

But maybe na flight wahala, or that girl wey just commot—anyhow, I just tire, nothing dey move me.

I sigh, drag body go sit down. My mind dey run, e no gree settle. Wetin I see for corridor just scatter my mood. The tiredness dey my bone.

Tobi no dey use to make I push am. E shock small, face come hard.

He pause, face strong like say e wan vex. This kain reaction no dey sweet him at all. He dey always expect say I go dey available.

“Wetin dey worry you?”

Voice small, but e carry warning. I dey look down, dey pray make I no talk pass myself.

I look down, see one black thing for carpet.

My eye catch am—one torn black stockings. The thing dey there like evidence for police case.

One pair of stockings, don tear finish.

E tear sotey, you go fear say person use am climb fence. Na designer own too. If na village, dem go say juju dey involved.

Tobi see am too. He click tongue, face come dark.

He look am, hiss, eye darken. That kain face wey dey make person fear say fight go start. Na so man wey dey guilty dey act.

Everywhere quiet. He bring out cigarette, press the menthol ball, light am.

For a moment, the only sound na click of lighter and small sizzle from menthol ball. The air dey heavy. Even mosquito respect us, keep quiet.

“Her house rent finish. She no get where to sleep, so I say make she crash here one night.”

Tobi talk am like say e dey explain to police. Voice flat, eyes no dey meet mine. For Naija, when story long like this, e mean say e dey lie.

“Nothing happen between us.”

He add am quickly, voice sharp. I just look am, dey weigh every word. The lie dey smell for air like ogiri.

I look Tobi. Our eyes jam through the smoke, both of us dey hide our mind.

We dey size each other like say we dey play chess. Eye contact steady, nobody wan blink. For my mind, I dey count all the times e don do this kind thing before.

But we know say that excuse no hold water.

Even goat for backyard go sabi say story no add up. For Naija, this kind lie no dey ever end well.

No be today Tobi start this waka. Guy man just like woman—na so e be since I know am.

I dey remember how dem dey warn me for beginning, say Tobi hand no dey stay one place. Me, I just believe say maybe my own go different. See me now.

That time, my bestie drag me go one rock band show, dey shout how the lead singer fine, say ticket hard to get.

Sade no gree rest that year. "Zee, you never see Tobi band? Na so so fine boys dey there!" She buy ticket, drag me like goat for slaughter. The day still fresh for my head.

Me, I no send rock, just dey my own.

I dey side, dey look people. All those rock people dey do mosh pit, I just dey reason suya for outside. I dey my lane.

Until Tobi climb stage.

As Tobi waka enter stage, everywhere quiet for one second. All eye fix on am. Even bouncer for gate pause remote.

He bend head dey play guitar, black hair cover him fine face, small small hair show him pink eyelid.

E dey lost inside music. The way e bend head, fingers dey move for strings, you go think say jazz dey control him spirit.

For all of them, na him dress pass normal—black T-shirt, jeans—but na him everybody dey look.

Simple dressing, but e own swag get as e be. The T-shirt hug body, jeans sharp. All girls dey trip, dey shout up and down.

That face na correct luxury.

Some girls dey snap picture, dey whisper. I no blame dem, na money and beauty dey do magic for Lagos.

He look up, stage light shine for him brown eye, small smile for mouth.

The smile small, almost hidden, but e sweet die. The brown eye dey catch all the stage light, I swear, even the sound guy dey trip.

Na my first time for band show. My bestie and other girls dey shout like mad, wahala everywhere.

E be like say na stadium. Everybody dey shout, dey jump. Some dey climb chair, dey record. Na so Lagos girls dey craze for fine boy.

He look crowd. One second, our eyes jam, then he look away.

That one second na like electric shock. E no even smile. Just look me, look away. My heart do one kain.

Music sweet that night, but me, I no hear anything.

E be like say na only wind dey blow for my ear. My body dey there, mind dey another place.

Because that moment, everywhere just quiet. Na only my heart dey beat like drum.

The rest of the night, na only that eye contact dey replay for my head. I no even know when show end.

After show, all the girls rush backstage for contact—I join too.

You know as Lagos girls dey do. Dem rush, dey push. I join queue. My mind dey shake, but I no fit dull myself.

I don single reach 23, that day na the boldest thing I do.

For my mind, I dey hype myself. I never do this kind thing before, but if you no try, how you wan take know?

Tobi no dey reject anybody. Any girl wey want him WhatsApp, he go give am—me join.

Na so Tobi just dey distribute contact like flyer. Girls dey smile, dey collect. When my turn reach, I collect with small smile. E no even look me twice.

One year later, all the girls don tire. Na only me remain.

Others don waka, but I still dey hold on. Sade dey tease me say na only me get endurance. Maybe na me get coconut head.

I no know if na pity, or e touch am, but Tobi just allow me dey. I turn him babe—till now.

From there, things dey slow, but steady. Before I know, I become the main babe, the only one wey dey stand test of time.

But I know, all these years, Tobi never really like me.

E dey show for small small things. The way e go ignore my text, or forget my birthday. I dey always dey reason am.

Or maybe he like say I dey reasonable, dey generous, no dey do wahala.

Sade talk say na because I too dey calm. I no get wahala, I dey forgive quick. Maybe na why e dey stay.

He go cheat, I catch am, but once he yarn one small excuse, I go forgive am.

E go say, 'Babe, no be as you think.' I go form hard, but last last I go forgive. Na my weakness be that.

He don tell me many times say I no be him type, say na because I treat am well he dey with me.

Sometimes, e go laugh, say e like me because I no dey stress am. E dey talk am with that play-play voice, but I dey hear am well.

He even joke say if he find true love, he go dump me.

Na that kain joke wey dey pain pass slap. But I go laugh, hide my pain. For my mind, I dey prepare myself.

Na only because I dey always bend, our relationship last reach now.

True talk. If to say I no sabi endure, e for dump me since. Sometimes I wonder if na love or just fear of starting again dey keep me here.

“You promise say you no go cheat again. Abeg, no make me look like mumu for this compound.”

My voice low as I dey look the torn designer stockings for ground.

I talk am soft, almost whisper. For my mind, I dey beg him to respect me, but e no dey enter.

Small mockery flash for Tobi eye. He no even try pet me.

He just smile, one side mouth turn up, eye cold. No sign of remorse. E pain me.

“You really believe that one?”

E talk am like say I be small pikin. The thing cut me deep, but I still dey hold myself.

He come close, blow mint smoke for my face, eye wicked:

E step closer, blow smoke gently, like say e dey do magic. The menthol smell strong. E dey look me straight, no blink.

“You no fit handle am?”

Voice low, challenge full am. Like say e dey dare me. I dey vex, but I no gree show am.

“If you no fit handle am, we fit break up.”

He talk am like say na football match we dey play, anybody fit waka anytime. He don talk this thing to me tire.

I dey count for mind. Every time wey we get small fight, na this threat go land. The thing dey pain but I dey act strong.

And every time, na me go beg am.

My chest dey heavy. I dey remember how many times I don kneel, beg, just to keep peace. E dey make me weak.

He sabi me finish. Once he talk am, I go lose guard.

He know my weak point. Once e threaten break up, I dey soft. Na so e dey control me.

I turn face. “I dey tired. I dey go sleep.”

My voice dry, no energy. I just want peace. E no worth fight again.

Tobi hold my hand, him brow bone high, face dey fear person when e no smile.

E grip my wrist, face sharp, eyebrow raise. That kain look wey dey intimidate. I no gree show fear.

“Zainab, abeg, enough.”

He talk am like warning. For my mind, I dey gather strength, no let am see my pain.

I free myself, enter bedroom.

I shake hand, enter room, lock door gentle. Tears dey my eye, but I swallow am.

Small time, I hear door bang for outside.

Big bang, as if e wan scatter frame. I know say e vex well.

Tobi don commot.

E no talk, just waka go. Na the first time I no chase am.

E dey vex—I know.

I fit feel am for the silence. The tension thick like ogbono soup.

Na me dey always pet am, dey follow am, I never do am like this before.

Na me always dey rush go beg, call, text. Today I just dey my lane, dey count ceiling.

I roll for bed, carry phone.

Bed cold, my mind dey do marathon. I hug pillow, open phone, dey scroll WhatsApp.

For family WhatsApp group, my mama tag me.

Na so notification dey jump. "Zainab, hope you dey hear me o!" My mama dey everly tag me with full name when matter serious.

“I never rush you before, but you don reach 27. E good make you begin reason marriage.”

Her message long, like weekly sermon. She remind me say time dey go, say all her mates don dey carry grandchild for back. Even my papa join, drop his own two kobo.

“My colleague son dey okay. I see am, e no bad. Try meet am when you come house for Christmas.”

She send picture join, say the boy get work for Shell. I just shake head, laugh small.

I check my boss message.

As I dey scroll, see my boss own. E short and straight to the point. That kain woman wey no dey waste time.

“Zee, branch office dey need people. With your sense, deputy manager no reach you. You go like manage new branch? E go hard small, but you fit run am.”

She yarn me well, say my head correct for management. Na good offer, but the wahala be say e dey for my hometown. She talk am like say na only me fit save the place.

Mama want make I come house for blind date.

E clear for me now. Mama plan don set. I no fit dodge again. My boss own na bonus.

Company just open new branch—inside my hometown.

The irony dey funny me. For this life, sometimes you go run from wahala, still jam another one for road.

Right time, right place, right people. I no get excuse to remain here.

God just dey arrange things. No more excuse to stay for city. Na time to face reality.

I sigh. To talk true, I really like Tobi.

My mind dey heavy. No be say I no love Tobi. The feeling dey my chest like stone.

E fine, body set, we dey gel well for bed.

If na only physical, Tobi tick all the box. The chemistry dey, the touch dey sweet. But life pass body matter.

The main thing, e wicked reach.

E dey show for small small things. Sometimes, na that wickedness dey even attract me. Crazy, abi?

To dey with am easy—I no need reason responsibility or future.

Tobi na escape for me. I fit forget all my problem when I dey with am. No future talk, no responsibility. Just dey chop life dey go.

When I start work, I dey stress, just need person to help me forget wahala. But as I no too fine, and I dey craze for fine face, I no see anybody I like till Tobi.

Work dey chop my soul that year. Lagos wahala, boss matter, salary never reach. Tobi show, e balance me. I no get beauty like Amara dem, but at least Tobi notice me.

He spend him best years with me, help me release stress while I dey hustle.

E dey always show up when I need am. Sometimes, na only him dey make me smile for week. For that, I dey grateful.

Even though him woman matter no straight, at least he dey careful. Before I dey with am, I hear say all the girls wey sleep with am must show medical test within three days.

E dey strict for that side. Before you near bed, you must show paper. E talk say e no wan carry wahala. Na one thing I respect for am.

I dey use protection, so I no dey fear disease.

Every time, na double protection. I dey pray make nothing cross line. That one self dey give me small comfort.

To find another guy wey go satisfy me like am go hard.

I dey reason am. For this Lagos, men wey get Tobi spec dey rare. If I waka commot, who go balance me again?

But wetin man go do? To date na one thing, marriage na another.

I fit chop boyfriend like rice, but for husband, na better soup I dey find. No be only sweet, but peace of mind join.

I really like Tobi.

E dey pain me to admit, but na truth. I dey hooked.

But I clear for eye, he no fit marry.

No matter how I twist am, Tobi no be husband material. I dey see am now.

Now, na choice remain for me.

I lie down, dey count ceiling. For this life, woman must choose herself sometimes.

But for this Lagos, sometimes to choose yourself na real war. I no sabi if I dey ready.