Chapter 2: Hidden Papers, Hidden Pain

Na inside car I find the visa. I get one habit of keeping cash inside envelope, just in case.

Rain just finish that evening, everywhere still dey wet, and I dey arrange car booth, dey find my transport change. Na so I see envelope wey I no too remember, I say make I check if small cash dey inside. Na woman for Naija, you gats dey smart, hide your own small emergency money.

Absentmindedly, I open one of the two envelopes. When I see visa, I confuse small.

My mind fly. I check am well, think say maybe na mistake. But as I look the pages, I just dey shake head. Which kind wahala be this?

Especially as na Russia the visa be for.

Russia! Cold pass Jos, wahala pass Lagos traffic. Na place wey everybody dey avoid these days. War, cold, wahala, everything join. People wey dey go Russia now, e be like say dem dey find extra stress.

Everybody sabi say Russia dey wahala—anybody wey go there now dey find trouble.

If you waka for market, even radio dey talk am: make you no try cross go that side. My heart cut. Which kain man go gree carry family trouble put for head?

I still see some thin papers inside the envelope. I pull them out check well—na job offer letter and some ID documents.

My fingers dey shake as I dey check am. I dey pray say maybe na scam, or maybe na mistake. But everything legit, all the stamps correct.

Every page carry "Auwalu Musa" name clear.

No be say na another person o. Na the same Auwalu Musa wey I marry, him passport photo dey there. I just hold the paper, dey look am like say I fit burn hole for the page with my eye.

Auwalu Musa na my husband. We don marry for twelve years, get one six-year-old son and one three-year-old daughter.

People for our area sabi us well. Even church and mosque people dey hail us say we dey try. Our son, Sulaiman, dey sharp; our daughter, Aisha, na real wahala pikin, but she dey sweet everybody heart.

The offer letter talk am straight: from next month, Mr. Auwalu Musa go start work as chief engineer for the group’s Russia office, five years contract.

Everything dey plain. Five years no be five days. I just dey imagine how life go be, as I dey read all the grammar for that letter.

That day na 24th. Meaning, latest by month end, my husband go enter plane go Russia.

I check calendar for phone sharp sharp. E remain just small time, and I no know anything. See how life dey take people by surprise.

And all these things—as him wife—I no know anything.

I feel my throat dey dry, sweat dey my palm even as breeze dey blow. Which kain marriage be this one?

As I throw the visa for Auwalu front, my hand dey shake, but I no gree show am. Him face just pale like person wey see masquerade for night.

E shock am well well. Him eyes big like torchlight. E no even fit talk; him mouth open small, but no word come out.

The man rush go meet our daughter wey dey play with her plastic blocks for floor, like say she dey build new Lagos. Say, "Aisha, come here, Daddy go play with you. No be so dem dey build am."

Na so he carry pikin use style dodge wahala. I just dey watch am. Na so e dey dodge wahala. He sabi me, say once children dey, I no go fit vex openly.

He sabi me well. He know say I no like quarrel for front of children or elders.

That one dey pain me sometimes, but na wetin my mama train me. She talk say respect elders, no disgrace your husband, no scatter family for front of pikin.

So for the next few days, I no get single chance to talk to am alone.

Na so so run up and down—carry Aisha, arrange Sulaiman uniform, go market with him mama, sit for parlour dey gist with him papa. I dey try corner am, but he always dey slip away like water for hand.

Na so so to dey pamper our daughter, put our son for bed, or dey gist with him papa and mama.

For that period, e dey overdo. Buy sweets for children, dey play chess with him papa. Even him mama dey notice say him too dey helpful.

Not until the last night before he travel, he finally carry the children go give him parents, come sit quietly for edge of my bed, dey look me with silence.

That silence dey heavy like rain wey no wan fall. He sit down, dey rub him hand, eye dey shift from me to wall. I just dey look am, dey wait make he talk.

We start dey together at twenty, marry at twenty-three, know each other reach fifteen years. Na that night I first realise say the man fit selfish reach like this.

E shock me. Person wey I believe say we dey reason together, see as him dey hide big thing from me. My heart dey bitter, like bitterleaf soup wey dem no wash well.