Chapter 5: Standing Up

When I started college, I began to care about my looks and figure.

I’d shop sales at Target for new jeans, try new hair colors, experiment with eyeliner I’d seen on YouTube tutorials. I let myself imagine a different future—one where I could be wanted, not just needed.

That’s when my relationship with Caleb truly changed.

Maybe he remembered what I’d done for him. Maybe the lighting that night was too ambiguous.

He suddenly grabbed my hand and asked, "Do you still like me?"

I was so nervous I couldn’t even look at him.

He cupped my neck, lowered his head, and kissed me.

That was my first kiss.

He tasted faintly of mint.

The day we made our relationship official, Caleb took me to Mrs. Young.

"We’re together now."

At that moment, he seemed more relaxed than ever, as if a stone had finally dropped from his heart.

Looking back, I finally understand—what I thought was sincerity was just him repaying a debt.

The realization stung more than I cared to admit. All those years, I’d confused relief for love.

When I arrived, Caleb was playing pool with Derek.

His face was cold as ice, silent.

Derek, as usual, kept stirring things up: "Lillian’s back. Why don’t you just break up with her?"

"You really can’t let go?"

"Hey, I still remember the first time I saw her—all that fat, clutching a plush toy to give you..."

I clenched my fists so hard my nails bit into my palms. The old humiliation came back like a wave, and I fought the urge to shrink away.

"You ever get tired of running your mouth, Derek? Because I’m damn tired of hearing it."

"Aren’t you annoying!" Caleb slammed down the cue, about to say something, when the door opened from outside.

Everyone froze.

Caleb panicked for a moment, but seeing me as usual, he calmed down.

I handed him the folder. "What you wanted."

"Thanks." He paused, wanting to explain, but then he saw me hand over the journal.

"Was it fun?"

I couldn’t hold back my tears, my voice hoarse. "Was it fun, Caleb?"

I threw the journal at him, hard.

He didn’t move, his eyes flustered again, as if wanting to reach for my shoulder.

Derek stepped forward and shoved me. "Are you crazy!"

Smack. I slapped Derek across the face. "I’m talking to him. Why are you butting in!"

My palm stung, but for once, I didn’t feel small. The sound echoed in the quiet room, Derek’s eyes wide in shock. A flush rose to his cheeks, and for once, he had nothing to say.

"All these years, you’ve never given me a break—‘fat pig,’ ‘ugly girl’—aren’t you tired of saying those words? Because I’m sick of hearing them."

"What, I’m a weightlifter. Is gaining weight for my career something to be ashamed of?"

"Who are you to look down on me? My parents never criticized my weight or my looks. Who the hell are you to judge?"

"You’re like a piece of duct tape that won’t come off. People might think you’re obsessed with me, that’s why you cling like a dog."

I was furious, my eyes red. Derek froze, speechless.

Caleb tried to pull me into his arms. "Natalie, calm down."

"I’m calm enough." I shoved him away, picked the journal up off the floor, and thrust it at him.

The more I looked, the paler Caleb’s face became. He mumbled, "Let me explain."

"Let’s break up." I smiled, glaring at him. "Really... just thinking about it makes me sick."

My hands shook as I brushed away tears, shoulders squared. For once, I felt strong.

I turned and walked out without looking back.

Caleb tried to chase after me. I stopped him again.

"If you come after me, do you really want to marry me?"

He froze, standing where he was, not moving again.

He watched as I walked away, step by step, until I finally disappeared from his sight.

The cool night air rushed to meet me as I stepped outside, my feet crunching gravel on the driveway. I didn’t look back—not this time. My heart hurt, but I felt lighter, like I’d finally set down something I’d been carrying for years. Somewhere behind me, a door slammed. But for the first time, I didn’t flinch.