Chapter 2: Journey to the West, Naija Style

Five hundred years later, I discover say Yusuf too must go fetch scripture from the West.

The years pass like dry season. I no even count days again, but when the time reach, everything change.

This guy always dey Heavenly Chief side, God of Justice, carry nephew title, sharp to plan and advise. He say the prophets wan spread their teaching, Heaven want merit, journey west important, fight plenty. Nedu get prophet connection, stubborn, better to send am to the prophets than keep am for Heaven.

Na true political move. Yusuf sabi politics, sabi how to shift people like draft piece. Me, I just dey watch.

Heavenly Chief frown. "If Nedu and Sun Wukong dey together—no be wahala be that?"

The Chief face wrinkle, fear dey show. E know say to put two rebels together na recipe for gbege.

Yusuf say, "No worry, Uncle. Send me follow. I go hold them, watch the prophets make dem no plot against Heaven."

Yusuf calm, voice steady, e dey play chess, not ludo.

Heavenly Chief remember Yusuf good record, how he burn mountain, nodded small.

E nod like old chief wey dey approve marriage. For Yusuf matter, e get trust.

That time, Yusuf split Palm Mountain for him mama, scatter Heaven, kill nine Golden Eagles—all still fresh. But Heavenly Chief understand: Yusuf young that time. Young people dey do mistake.

For Naija, dem go say, "small pikin dey spoil cloth, na play." The Chief dey forgive, but no forget.

Now, Heavenly Chief happy, smile for Yusuf. "You don mature, willing to carry my wahala. Good. As for your mama, I sef dey pain—she be my only sister. But she go get affair with mortal, and heavenly law clear, so she press under mountain. You, anyhow, split mountain to save her... now you be God of Justice, you suppose know: Heaven dignity no fit spoil. Since you split mountain, your mama no fit live. I fit only send Golden Eagles burn her..."

The pain show for e voice, but law na law. For Heaven, family dey come last.

"Uncle, old matter don pass. I young, do mistake, kill people, my sect cover me. You show mercy, na why I survive. I suppose serve Heaven."

Yusuf dey humble, but pride dey inside. E sabi the score.

"Good. But everybody wey dey go west get crime. As God of Justice, which crime you get?"

For Heaven, nobody clean. Everybody get file. The Chief dey probe, but Yusuf ready.

Yusuf think, salute: "Your Majesty, abeg forgive my offense."

E kneel down proper, head bow, hands for ground. For spirit world, respect na big deal.

Heavenly Chief: "..."

Silence, breeze no even blow. All eyes dey Yusuf.

Yusuf third eye open, freeze Heavenly Chief for one second. Heaven bell ring—the Heavenly Chief attack, Spirit Hall array rise, ten thousand swords fly, all for Yusuf head.

Na so battle burst. For blink, world dey change. Bells dey ring, sword dey fly. All the spirits dey rush come see.

Yusuf blade flash, waka through sword array, black robe, white shirt, blood stain everywhere.

E dey move like shadow, blade dey sing. Blood splash for floor, e no shake.

He reach Heavenly Chief front.

In the middle of the storm, e appear—calm, ready.

Heavenly Chief eyes wide, all power gather, finally break Yusuf divine light.

E throw all power, shout, but Yusuf still dey kneel.

With one thud, Yusuf kneel for Heavenly Chief front.

The sound heavy, echo like drum for palace. Blood dey drip, but Yusuf no shake.

Blood splash Heavenly Chief, make him face twist.

The blood land for face, e shock the Chief, e remind am say nephew no be small pikin again.

Yusuf say, "Nephew offend Your Majesty, abeg forgive me."

E voice steady, but pain dey hide. Pride and shame dey dance together.

Outside, footsteps rush come, Chief Musa lead, all dey shout to protect throne. All the spirits dey look, Heavenly Chief look Yusuf, no get choice.

Wahala dey outside, but all eyes dey this family drama. Na spirit politics.

Only two options: punish Yusuf, kill am, or send am journey west.

The tension thick, choice no easy. Death or exile—na ancient punishment.

After plenty think, Heavenly Chief no wan lose better hand. Nephew get calm madness, but when wahala land, him dey useful to fight big spirits and prophets.

Practical sense dey always win. For this world, talent na rare thing.

So he wave, send Yusuf to Yumen Pass.

Na so destiny shift. Journey west set.

So when Father Tunde dey chop palm fruit, dey recite scripture, pass Yumen Pass, he pick him first disciple, Yusuf the Just. Father Tunde look Yusuf, Yusuf look Father Tunde—one fine like jade, clean; one get sword brow, star eye, one pure like glass.

The meeting dey awkward, but respect dey. Two wise men dey size each other, the air thick with future wahala.

Father Tunde click tongue, all pastor aura scatter. "With your level, I no go give you holy name."

Pastor wey no dey for formality. E sabi see original when e see am.

Yusuf smile. "Holy name na just code, no need another."

E dey humble, but pride still dey hide under smile.

Father Tunde give thumbs up. "I notice—these days, except for the bald prophets for the hills, everybody get wisdom root."

E dey laugh, but e truth. Spirit people dey sharp now.

Yusuf say, those wey suffer pass no dey lack wisdom root.

True word—pain dey teach better pass any school.

Father Tunde eyes shine. "Your wisdom root na like seven, eight storey building."

Pastor dey joke, but e see say Yusuf don suffer reach. E sabi pain.

Yusuf laugh. "Yes, I don suffer many years, grow my wisdom root reach here. E go do."

Na laughter with shadow. Wisdom na by how you survive, not by what you read for book.

Later, for Five Elements Rock, Father Tunde rescue Sun Wukong, who dey eye Yusuf anyhow, dey bounce, say 'Eldest Brother' title na him own.

Monkey dey boast, spirit dey high. For him mind, na him suppose lead. But the wahala never even start.

Me, I dey Flowing Sand River cell for five hundred years, every day sword pass my heart, Chief Musa dey watch, dey pretend say he be loving papa, dey say if I gree, punishment go stop.

The pain dey old, e dey fresh. I dey wait for day wey chain go break.

I roll eye, no even get time for am.

Na so I dey bone. Musa go talk, I go look another side.

Near the end of five hundred years, Mama Peace come river, recite script, just dey do as usual. I no dey act. As Father Tunde and co land, I burst out, body full of sword wounds, Odu Ribbon dey fly. "Abeg, enough talk. Make we just dey go."

My patience don finish. I dey ready for anything, as long as e mean freedom.

Father Tunde say, make we at least fight, else we no go get eighty-one tribulation.

The talk sound like play. For journey to west, fight dey important pass sleep.

I say, fine, I go fight you.

Anything to move. Even fight dey better than prison.

Father Tunde snap him Journey to the West book shut. "As pastor, I hate formality pass. Make we go. Make we hurry west."

Na so we move. No time for long story.

We four, all set.

I look all of us—each get him own wahala, but for this road, we go try together.

Oh, and one horse—though I no know why, the horse dey shiver anytime e see me.

The horse dey eye me like say e see demon. For my mind, I dey laugh. Spirit horse no dey lie.

Of course, for road I notice Monkey different from us. Me and Yusuf head dey free, but Monkey still get golden hoop.

Na real chain, no be small play. The pain dey real, e no fit hide am.

I point am. "Wetin be that?"

I dey curious. For this world, na only chain dey remind spirit say e never free.

Monkey say, "Prophet and Mama Peace carve am. Use monkeys from Monkey Hill. When pastor chant, e dey drill my head, no fit open, no fit remove, and dey follow mental attack—the cry of my monkeys dey ring for my head."

Monkey voice heavy, eye red. The pain dey deep, not only for body, but for soul.

I understand. No be just upgraded pagoda-papa be this?

Spirit chain dey get new name, but the pain na the same.

I laugh. "Congrats. From today, you get your own hoop-papa."

The laugh dey sharp, but also dey sad. For this journey, all of us dey carry our own yoke.

Then two of us look Yusuf.

The silence sweet, but also tense. Yusuf dey smile like man wey sabi secret.

Yusuf smile too. "I no need hoop or pagoda. I no be like una. Your monkeys and mama don die, nothing remain. My brothers and dog still dey Heaven—wetin I need hoop or pagoda for?"

E dey subtle, e dey proud. E no need chain, because e dey trust system small.

I get am, laugh wicked. "So na three ways to train dog be this?"

Na joke, na truth, na pain inside.

Yusuf look me, no talk.

E just bone, e eye dey tell me say story never finish.

Monkey just dull, no be like before wey e dey scatter everywhere.

The chain dey work. Even spirit go bend if chain strong.

Hands for pocket, dey waka between them, I just feel say something dey off. "Three of us—nobody rebellious pass us for Heaven and Earth. So why we dey go fetch scripture like mumu? No right. Why we no just fight? I don dey lock for five hundred years. If I no fight, body go scratch me."

For street, if you no fight, body go dey itch. For spirit, na the same.

"Fight make dem lock you another five hundred years?"

Yusuf dey tease, but na warning dey inside.

"No. This time, fight to finish. Chief Musa and Burning Lamp must die, or I go die."

For this one, na vow. No turning back.

"Then go na."

Monkey voice flat, but I sabi say e dey wish same thing.

I sigh, tilt head look Sun Wukong. "No choice. Real man dey pay kindness before revenge. I must help this Monkey finish him own before I start mine."

In this journey, loyalty dey come first. Na code of the street.

Monkey fall back, no answer, change topic. "Make pastor carry load and lead horse by himself—no dey right?"

E dey use joke cover pain. Sometimes, na only joke fit cover deep wound.

We three waka far. When we look back, Father Tunde dey sweat, dey drag horse and bag.

Pastor face dey red, sweat dey flow. Horse dey drag leg. Na real comedy.

I blink. "This big horse, why e no fit help pastor?"

I dey pity pastor small. For journey, even horse get mind of e own.

Monkey quiet small. "Na dragon horse—a dragon. E no dey fit near you. Walk small, pastor must drag am."

Na so I understand. For this world, even horse dey fear demon.

No wahala. I turn, continue waka.

Journey long, but I no dey fear.