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Her Mama’s Love, My Own Shame / Chapter 6: After She Disappear
Her Mama’s Love, My Own Shame

Her Mama’s Love, My Own Shame

Author: Ann Smith


Chapter 6: After She Disappear

I wan find her, but she disappear, no trace at all.

No text, no call, no message. Her locker empty.

Class teacher talk say she transfer.

Everybody dey wonder. Even teacher look surprise.

How person go just transfer so?

No announcement, nothing. She just vanish.

After she comot for class WhatsApp group, I notice she no add anybody as friend.

Group chat dry. Her number no show, her DP blank. Nobody sabi where she dey.

I remember for junior secondary, she dey beg make we sign her notebook, nobody answer am.

One day, I see her old notebook, the page empty. The memory pain me.

I really regret am.

I dey wish say I fit turn back time. If I know...

I go her area find her, spend one thousand naira rent dispatch uniform, knock her door, think of many excuse, knock tire, dem don move.

I waka the whole estate. Sun burn my head. People dey look me like thief. I no care.

Neighbour talk say dem move one week ago, say the girl change school.

I dey ask, dey beg make dem explain. The gist long.

I ask which girl?

Aunty purse mouth, who else? The one wey you like?

I shock. The aunty sabi talk. I dey blush.

My face red, I quick deny am.

I dey stammer, dey shake head. But everybody know.

She talk say Halima mama dey always shout for compound, everybody know say she dey date early. She see as I dey look suspicious, she know say na Halima I dey find.

Na true, the gist spread for compound. Some dey look me with pity, others dey gossip.

I talk say I no dey date early. I come collect my money, Halima owe me.

I dey form big man, dey act like say I come collect debt. But my mind dey heavy.

Aunty sigh.

She look me well, her face soft. She dey reason how to talk am.

She say she watch Halima grow.

The aunty begin yarn story. Her voice slow, she dey look sky.

Na there I hear the real story.

She talk am soft. Neighbours dey gather. Na long gist.

Before Halima mama marry her papa, she get first husband. The man fine, but na drunk, gambler, dey beat people.

The man na local champion. For street, na him get biggest voice.

Her mama collect beating, run leave her daughter wey just be baby, divorce.

Dem talk say the beating too much, her mama no fit stay. She pack go, leave her baby for first man people.

Later she marry Halima papa, start to miss the first daughter.

Na so life waka. After she born Halima, her mind dey with first daughter. Sometimes, she go dey quiet, dey remember old days.

When Halima small, she dey learn all kind skill.

Halima na sharp girl. Dance, sing, draw—she sabi everything. Neighbours dey praise am. Her papa dey boast for meeting.

Later, as her sister come for JSS3, her mama begin stop all her own.

As the first daughter return, everything change. Her mama focus shift. Halima no understand.

Her sister no sabi dance, no sabi sing, no sabi draw, if she see her sing or play instrument, she go cry.

The competition high. Her mama dey compare dem. Halima dey lose for her own house.

Her mama talk: “All Musa family pikin, no special treatment.”

That talk dey heavy. For compound, everybody dey hear am.

That time Halima still small, shout at her mama.

She get mouth, she no dey fear. One day, she challenge her mama for parlor.

“No! She no be my papa pikin! Her papa na gambler, she no be Musa! If she no fit learn, me too no go learn, why?”

The words loud. Neighbours dey open window.

Her sister no talk that time.

She quiet, dey look ground. Tears for eye, but no sound.

That night, heavy rain fall, her sister run comot for house, wear only nightie, no money.

The rain wicked. Thunder dey strike. Neighbours dey peep from window, dey watch drama.

Her mama almost craze, Halima run go with umbrella find her, her mama collect umbrella throw am, curse her say she be ungrateful.

Na serious night. Rain dey beat everybody. Halima dey kneel for corridor, dey cry.

Halima fear, cry say she wrong, her mama kick her, make her kneel for rain, curse her.

Neighbours dey beg, her mama no gree. Halima just dey shiver, dey beg.

—“If we no find your sister, you go kneel here till you die!”

Her mama dey shout, voice loud. The rain dey drown everything.

—“Why? Because I be your mama! You owe me! You owe your sister!”

Halima dey beg, no food, no dry cloth. Neighbours dey pity am.

—“So stingy, you think I go depend on you when I old? Wicked child!”

The curse dey loud. Halima just dey cry, dey shiver, dey cough.

Halima cry for rain till she almost faint, house dog run come drag her cloth, pull her go house.

The dog na local dog, but that night, e get sense pass everybody. Na him save am.

She hug dog cry, no fit move even if dem call am.

She dey cling to the only thing wey show her love. Neighbours dey wipe eye.

Later, for morning, her mama and sister come back.

Dem waka in, face hard. Her mama no greet anybody. The air cold.

Her sister dey for her papa hospital.

Dem talk say her mama see her kneel for her stepfather empty hospital bed.

Halima papa sick, e dey fight for life. Family dey panic.

Halima papa get attack, just enter emergency.

Her sister dey cry. Her mama dey restless. The whole house dey tension.

Her sister cry for her mama, say she come see papa, she always see uncle as her own papa, many night she wish she get papa like Halima, she no want papa wey dey beat people, but she no get, her mama leave before she reach one year.

The pain for her voice strong. Even neighbours dey feel am.

Her mama hug her sister, both of them cry.

For corridor, people dey watch. That day, even stubborn children calm.

That night, her papa no make am.

The house quiet. Halima dey kneel, dey look ground. The rain still dey fall.

Halima wait all night, hear her papa don die.

Her body cold, her mind blank. She dey shake.

Her mama carry her sister go house, no look Halima face.

Halima dey cry alone, the whole street quiet.

Aunty talk.

Her voice crack as she dey talk. Neighbours dey sigh.

“This girl, before, her papa and mama love am pass anything, treat am like egg, but suddenly from princess she turn to person nobody want. Her mama dey talk every day say na she kill her papa, if she cry, her sister go cry pass. You no know, her sister sabi pretend, she dey use trick pass snail, dey bully am. Her mama force her say na she kill her papa, how she go admit? Her mama just hate am, no care for am—sigh—”

She shake head. Everybody dey pity Halima.

She sigh, talk talk. Last last she ask me.

Her voice low, her face soft. “How much she owe you?”

“I go pay for her.”

She reach inside wrapper, bring out two blue notes, hand am to me. Her hand dey shake.

I dey wonder if I ever go see her again, or if my own heart don follow her waka.

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