Chapter 4: Sacrifice and Street Sense

Because of all this, I lose twenty pounds during my postpartum period.

My friends dey notice. Dem dey hail me say I don slim, but na only me know say na midnight tears dey dry my body. I dey wake up for night, dey stare window, dey ask myself if all my sacrifice go waste.

I no even know if, when the baby reach one year, na so my marriage go take end.

As I dey carry baby, dey rock am sleep, my mind dey wonder: will I still get this home when the child grow? Or I go dey answer "single mother" for PTA form?

To talk true, I no dey fear to stay without man. But I get three children.

Na dem be my main reason. If na only me, I for don waka since. But three pikin no be beans. To train child for Lagos, na another level.

My first son just start university, still dey study finance. For that line, if e no get him papa connection, e go too suffer.

If you see how Obinna dey treat am, you go know say pikin na passcode for success. Without papa network, my son fit graduate enter market, still dey hustle small job for Ojuelegba.

My second daughter dey one international secondary school—school fees na millions per year. She wan go study art abroad—if you no get serious money, you no fit make name.

Na her dream to be big artist. I no wan break am. But as pounds and dollars dey fly every term, my own pocket dey shake. Only Obinna fit carry this kind burden without sweat.

The last one, na mistake belle, still boy. Only him first month bill fit reach person one year salary.

Sometimes, when I dey see hospital bill, I dey ask God say, "Abeg, na me really born this pikin?" All the same, na my flesh and blood. I no fit let another woman enjoy wetin I suffer for.

My side too, I get old parents. Last year, small cold carry my papa enter ICU—over a hundred thousand naira per day. He spend six months there. If not for my money tree husband, maybe I for no get papa again.

Na that ICU matter open my eye. Family no be only your husband and pikin. Extended family dey depend on you too. One sickness fit swallow three years savings.

All these reasons mean say I no fit leave Obinna.

No be pride. Na survival. If I waka, na hunger and shame go follow me. I gats fight this battle to the last.

If I fit, who no go like be main character for her own life, fit handle anything, no dey depend on anybody?

If to say life balance, I for dey my own lane. But Nigeria hard, and I no get soft landing. Na God hand I dey.

But I be ordinary woman. I no get sense reach UNILAG or UI, my papa and brothers no get money, I no get special talent or luck.

I dey try, but as life be, some people get luck, some people get connection. Me, I just dey float for middle—no magic, no charm.

The only thing wey I get—my beauty—don waka too.

Mirror no dey lie. The stretch marks, the tired eye, the saggy skin—na evidence say I don fight war for this family. If na beauty contest, I for don carry last.

But make nobody look down on mother wey dey fight for her family. If I no fit move Obinna, I go face the side chick, Zainab.

I ready. I no be small girl. E get time for every woman to show say na lion she be. Wetin I no get for book, I go use street sense hold my home.