His Heart Was Never Mine / Chapter 1: The Cold Truth
His Heart Was Never Mine

His Heart Was Never Mine

Author: Randall Conrad


Chapter 1: The Cold Truth

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I was the last to know that Ethan Caldwell had already given his heart to someone else.

The realization slammed into me like a November wind, the kind that sneaks up just as pumpkin spice fades and football season is winding down, when you’re thinking about Thanksgiving plans and suddenly remember what’s missing. I never saw it coming, not really. It was the kind of truth that sits heavy in your chest, hidden until you realize you can’t catch your breath.

He gave me passion and desire, but his love and devotion belonged to that woman.

It was like he handed me fireworks—bright, hot, fleeting, with a touch that burned like the heat of July—while the steady flame, the one that warms you through December, was never mine. I got the sparks; she got the hearth.

Later, when he got drunk and clung to me again, I pushed him away for the first time.

That night, the air in his apartment was thick with whiskey, regret, and the faint scent of stale beer. As he reached for me, the same way he always did, my hands shook as I pressed against his shoulders, heart racing. It felt like breaking a pattern, like stepping off a treadmill that never stopped.

"Ethan, I have a boyfriend."

My voice sounded steadier than I felt, like I was auditioning for a role I hadn’t quite mastered.

"From now on, I'm done playing with you..."

He lit a cigarette, grinning with reckless abandon. "Fine, Mariah. If your guy can't keep up, you know where to find me."

The flame from his lighter flickered in his eyes, almost daring me to call his bluff. He leaned back, smoke curling from his lips, acting like nothing could touch him—his favorite defense: cocky and untouchable.

Inside, I felt a tangle of anger and sadness, frustration bubbling up. How could he treat my feelings like a game? Did he really think I’d always be there, waiting for scraps?

He thought I was playing hard to get, trying to force him to make it official.

He was sure that the one who couldn't let go, the one tangled up, must be me.

He saw every boundary I drew as a challenge, not a line in the sand. To Ethan, I was just upping the ante, making him chase me. He never believed I could walk away for real.

It wasn't until much later, when a friend told him, "Mariah got engaged yesterday. You two are so close, and she didn't even invite you," that Ethan was so stunned he shot to his feet, crushing the wine glass in his hand.

The sound of shattering glass echoed through the room, sharp and final. It was the first time I'd ever seen Ethan lose his composure, the mask slipping just enough for the pain to show.

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