Chapter 3: Rock Bottom

Tears of heartbreak and humiliation burst forth uncontrollably. The sobs racked my chest, and my hands pressed over my mouth to stifle the sound, but it felt like my ribs might snap in two.

Derek’s words echoed in my mind again and again, shattering what little self-esteem I had left. Every syllable felt like a slap. I could almost hear the sneer in his voice, the way his friends ate it up like it was a joke for everyone but me.

If I hadn’t heard it with my own ears, I never would have believed that the person who was so passionate with me last night could be so heartless today. I squeezed my eyes shut, wishing I could scrub the memory away, wishing I could un-hear every word.

So, it’s possible to do something so intimate even without love. In the fluorescent glare of the bathroom, everything felt cheap, even my own reflection in the warped metal stall door.

Even in the heat of the moment, people can still lie and deceive.

The happy ending I’d foolishly dreamed of was nothing but a cruel joke to others.

The more I cried, the sadder I became, but I didn’t even dare to make a sound. I pressed my forehead to my knees, rocking back and forth, praying nobody would walk in and hear me fall apart.

After a long time,

my phone buzzed with a text. The vibration startled me out of my daze, almost making me drop the phone.

It was Derek.

Hey, grab an Uber home. I’ve got plans with the guys. Can’t give you a ride.

I didn’t reply. The screen glowed bright in my hand, burning a hole in my heart.

He sent another message:

Don’t forget to buy the morning-after pill yourself. I don’t have time today. Make sure you take it, okay?

I stared at those two messages, silent for a long time. My thumb hovered over the screen, but I couldn’t muster a single word to send back.

From dusk till dawn yesterday, Derek had worn me out again and again. By the end, we were both exhausted. Before he fell asleep holding me, he’d even whispered twice:

"I wasn’t prepared for your first time. I’ll remember to get you medicine during the day."

He’d told me that girls should protect themselves, that the morning-after pill was important and skipping it could be harmful.

At the time, I thought he was being responsible, that I’d finally found happiness. I’d even felt a flicker of pride—like maybe he cared enough to look out for me.

But now…

Everything became clear in an instant. The floor under my feet seemed to tilt, and I gripped the toilet paper dispenser for balance.

I dug my nails into my palm, forcing myself to stop crying. It hurt, but it helped me focus, just a little.

I wiped my tears, tidied myself up, and walked out of the bathroom. I avoided my reflection in the mirror, not wanting to see my red-rimmed eyes.

Too embarrassed to go to the pharmacy, I ordered the medicine on Amazon. I triple-checked the delivery instructions, terrified my parents would get the package first. I even Googled “how to hide Plan B in your room.”

After the delivery was dropped at my door, I waited a long time before daring to sneak out and pick it up. My heart pounded as I crept into the hallway, glancing over my shoulder like a criminal.

I swallowed the pill with tears, feeling completely drained, sitting numbly on the carpet, staring into space. The scratchy beige carpet was warm from the sun, but I felt cold all over. My phone buzzed again, but I didn’t look.

Ever since I’d moved from Derek’s house to next door, I’d followed him around like a little shadow for ten years. We spent every July chasing fireflies and eating bomb pops until our tongues turned blue. I’d never been without him for more than a weekend.

I’d never imagined what life would be like without him.

And I didn’t dare to.

But from now on, it would just be me. Just Natalie. I whispered it to myself, like a secret incantation.

Outside the floor-to-ceiling windows, the city lights flickered on one by one, then gradually faded into darkness. Somewhere, a siren wailed and died. The world moved on, uncaring.