Chapter 1: Wahala Don Land

For SS3, I run mad cruise—pretend say I be fine babe, dey chop one UNILAG top student brain online. I just dey chop his brain work—he even dey tutor me for free for one whole year. After JAMB, we gree say we go meet face to face. But my cousin wey score 350 come block am. She come dey run mouth: "Na the top student for UNILAG physics department be that—how one ordinary arts student like you wan reach am?"

Those days ehn, catfish life just dey sweet me pass as Akara dey hot for morning. I go dey giggle for midnight, dey plan how I go code my voice for WhatsApp, all because I no wan spoil the fantasy. Sometimes, na small guilt go catch me but, my people say, "when pepper rest for hand, you no dey feel the heat." I just dey enjoy the ride, dey soak the free lesson like garri wey swell inside cold water.

Na so I dey flex, dey reason say, if wahala land, I go dodge am.

I no enter UNILAG; na University of Ibadan I go instead.

As life dey run, na so e be. Sometimes your dream na Oshodi, your bus go drop you for Dugbe. I collect UI admission with small pride, tell myself say, anywhere belle face, I go survive.

When semester start, UNILAG and UI do joint event. One senior, wey dey form hard guy, dey sit opposite me. Dem ask am about his relationship history. The guy just reply calm: "One babe play me strong thing. E pain me sha."

The AC for the hall dey blow, but as he talk, I feel sweat dey gather for my palm. Everybody just dey look am like say na Nollywood film star. Him own calm sef get weight—voice no high, no low, just steady like Naija police checkpoint.

After he talk finish, he look me direct. "Abi no be so, junior?"

For that moment, time just freeze. If say laugh dey my mouth, e for jam cold breeze. I smile small—shy laugh, like person wey thief meat for soup. The hall light just dey shine for my forehead, na only me and am dey that corner for spirit.

I go survive. Na so I package myself, tell God say, anywhere I land, I go make am shine.