Chapter 4: For This Life, I Go Try

I no sleep well all night, early morning I carry my things go downstairs.

Sleep no enter my eye. I dey toss for bed, dey listen to generator hum, dey count cock crow. Early momo, I arrange box, balance everything, tie scarf, waka down.

He dey eat bread and tea, phone for hand. As he see my bag, e pause small, eye flash, but e bone face sharp sharp. E no talk, e no ask.

Na Mama Ifedike ask:

Mama Ifedike dey arrange fruit for tray. As she see my bag, she drop tray, voice sharp.

I try dodge answer, no wan bring talk. But e no work.

E phone dey ring loud, ringtone na Davido new song. E pick am sharp, talk with small voice.

He stand, adjust coat, check mirror, no even look my side again.

She still dey play caring mama, voice soft, even though she dey worry.

Nobody send my answer again.

I for cry, but I laugh instead. Life don teach me lesson. I waka outside, hail keke, balance for back seat, dey watch town dey pass.

Even as dem get car, driver dey wait, I dey do like say I no need am. I dey protect small pride.

I dey do home lesson for neighbor pikin, dey sew small small. My money na sweat, no be gift.

I dey use am take comfort myself. At least, I no dey beg. I dey try.

Mall dey full, music dey play, Christmas light never come down finish. People dey buy, dey pose, dey snap for entrance.

I dey check price, dey reason how much remain for my account. I wan buy correct thing for my friend.

Voice sharp, giggle follow, like say person dey play love.

The voice get wahala, na Simi. I know am, even if she dey whisper.

My body stiff, but I gree turn. Heart dey beat fast.

People dey look them, dey nod. E be like say na magazine couple—Ifedike and Simi, two correct people.

I dey try dodge am, but e catch my eye. For a second, e look like e surprise see me.

E face harden, brow dey tight. I fit see say e no happy.

His voice dey cold, like harmattan breeze. E dey talk like say I no suppose show.

I sabi as e dey reason. Before, if he see me outside, e go feel say I dey spy am. I dey always act like shadow.

Dem dey waka for town, dey buy suya, dey gist. I dey follow small, dey watch from far.

She go beg me, ‘Ngozi, abeg, follow Ifedike, make sure e no dey sick.’ I no fit say no.

Dem dey mock me, dey call me house girl for back. But I swallow am, dey do wetin mama want.

I go waka for back, dey pretend say I dey buy pure water. I dey invisible for their eye.

If he catch me, I go dey fear, dey talk, dey apologize. My leg go dey shake, my hand go cold.

I no shake, I no stammer. I just point my bag, nod to the sales girl, act like say nothing dey happen.

My voice clear, my mind calm. I no dey beg, I no dey explain pass myself.

He dey try judge me, but e no get anything to hold. He just bone, face front.

But I no disturb am, I no talk anything again.

I pick my bag, smile for the sales girl, waka slow commot. I no look back, I no rush.

From beginning to end, e just be like say I see person I sabi for mall, no be person close to me.

If person dey watch us, e go think say na stranger. I dey proud of myself for that.

People dey look us, some dey whisper, dey reason who be the real madam. I waka pass am, head high, my spirit dey shine like morning sun.