Chapter 4: Shame, Pain, and the Spirit Wife

After candle burn finish, madam and Oladimeji get up.

Dem waka like people wey dey float. Madam dey smile, Oladimeji dey hum small tune. I watch from window, my heart squeeze like when garri soak for small water.

I go back my room rest small, then come set breakfast.

I light fire for kitchen, use my hand grind pepper, fry egg, boil yam. Pepper smoke dey bite my eye, oil dey jump for pot, yam sweet smell dey fill air. My body dey pain me, but work no dey finish for housemaid.

Oladimeji look me. “Why you dey wear this kind cloth?”

Him eye sharp. My wrapper high reach neck, cover everything. I no wan make anybody see mark.

I no know wetin to talk, just press my lips, dey look ground.

My palm dey sweat. If I talk, dem go suspect. Na only silence be my cover.

Oladimeji rough, him always dey leave mark. Na why I dey wear high collar, make e cover am.

Last night e bite me, e scratch me. My skin still dey burn. But I just bone face.

Madam gently push am. “You forget, chief? Kaiye no dey talk.”

Her voice calm, but small warning dey inside. She no wan make chief notice anything.

I quick nod.

My neck dey pain me, but I bow small. My eye no gree look anybody for face.

When I dey serve madam, I go jam Oladimeji sometimes. To hide, madam say make I no dey talk. Everybody for chief compound believe say I no fit talk.

Na so the gist spread for house. Some people even pity me, say 'Na so God make am.' Only madam know the truth.

Oladimeji raise eyebrow, look interested. “This your small mute maid for your side, she fine and pitiful o.”

He smile like person wey dey tease wife. Madam eye catch am, her face just dey change.

Madam just vex, “Husband, wetin you dey talk? You don dey look her?”

Her eye cold, small anger dey inside.

She press her lips, hand grip spoon tight. Even small pikin fit sense her vex.

Oladimeji reply, “I never blame you, you dey blame me?”

He roll sleeve, dey smile. “See—no be you do this last night?”

Him show him arm, teeth mark still fresh. He dey use am play, but warning dey inside voice.

He show teeth mark for him hand.

The red bite mark dey stand out for him brown skin. I see am, my body just dey shake.

My body just stiff.

For that moment, my leg no dey ground again. My hand cold, my heart just dey race.

Oladimeji rough last night. I cry tire, out of fear, I bite am.

I no fit remember when my teeth even jam him hand. Na fear, na pain, na confusion.

Him na general, body full of war scar—this one no reach anything for am.

He dey laugh, no send at all. For him mind, na play. But for me, na shame.

Now, e just dey use am play.

He dey look madam, dey wait her reaction. Like say na game dem dey play.

I kneel down, hand and leg cold.

I press my knees for cold ground, my finger dey shake. My breath dey fast.

I no even know how long I kneel.

My mind don travel. I dey pray for small mercy. Make God just look my side.

Suddenly, hot tea pour for my body.

E burn my chest. I shout small, tears rush my face. My wrapper wet, the tea dey soak me.

I look up, see madam face full of anger.

Her eyes red, lips tight. She no dey pity me at all. For her mind, na my fault.

Next thing, she slap me. “See this girl! You bite chief, you dey craze? Na me you wan disgrace?”

Her palm land for my face. My cheek hot, my ear dey ring. The other maids waka comot, nobody wan put mouth.

No chance for me to talk.

My throat dry, my tongue heavy. Even if I talk, who go listen?

Madam tie my hand and leg, drag me go store room, no give me food or water.

My hand dey pain me as she tie am with old wrapper. She drag me go dark storeroom, lock door, leave me inside. Darkness thick, hunger dey bite me.

Oladimeji travel go check soldiers for outskirt, e no go come back for some days.

Even the night guard dey talk, 'Chief don travel, make una lock everywhere.' As e commot, nobody to stop madam wahala.

As long as he no dey, na so I dey lock inside.

No food, no water. Only cockroach and rat dey keep me company. My mouth dry, my stomach dey bite me.

When I near faint, Halima bribe old woman for door, bring me pepper soup.

She smuggle small bowl inside, hide for wrapper. The smell alone give me small hope.

Na my younger sister be that, she follow me as madam maid come chief compound.

Halima na my only blood for this place. She dey fear, but she go risk am for me.

She no sabi say I dey replace madam every night.

I hide am from her. I no wan make she dey fear or carry my wahala join her own.

“Sister, wetin you do wey make madam vex?”

She whisper, voice low, dey look left and right like rat for trap.

Halima lie for ground, dey look me from under the door gap.

She stretch her neck, her eye wide with worry. Small pikin voice dey her mouth.

I shake head, just ask when chief go come back.

My voice weak, but I gree ask. If chief come, maybe I go get peace.

Halima talk say, “All the madams for compound dey talk say chief go come back tonight, and e go sleep for madam room.”

She dey smile small, like say e be good news. She wan make I get hope.

I breathe small relief, then ask how outside dey.

I want hear if any hope dey for compound. My mind dey restless.

Halima answer, “Eldest young master body don worse. Even the herbalist talk say e no get hope again. Dem dey prepare for burial.”

Herbalist wey dey come compound every day don talk say 'Hope no dey.' Some women dey cry for back yard. Burial cloth don dey ready.

Oladimeji get one elder brother.

That one heart no strong from birth, but manage survive reach now, but e don dey die, na so Oladimeji get title.

Some elders dey say 'Na God hand am.' But every eye for compound dey red.

“Eldest master never marry. Old mama no want make he go grave alone, so she dey find spirit wife for am.”

Na tradition for some family. Spirit wife go follow am, so him no go waka alone for land of ancestors. People dey fear am, say if you no get spirit wife, your soul fit lost for bush after death.

Halima just sigh.

She close eye, rest her chin for arm. Her own wahala too much, but she still dey pity eldest master.

After spirit marriage, the woman go remain widow for life.

People dey fear am. Once you do am, your life don tie for grave.

Eldest master get only few days left.

Na so people dey avoid old mama. Nobody wan go grave so young.

To become him spirit wife na to remain widow forever.

Halima voice low, 'Sister, na true talk. If you do am, you no fit marry again. You sure?' My mind dey shake.

Even maids and old women for compound no gree, not to talk of young ladies.

I hear say even the herbalist wife run when dem mention am. Fear catch everybody.

For night, dem release me.

Old mama send small boy, he open door. My body weak, but I manage stand.

Madam tell person make dem give me food, say make I rest, make I serve chief well that night.

She send me rice and fish stew, with hot water to bathe. Her own mouth sweet, but I sabi her mind.

She smile, voice soft and gentle. “Kaiye, I too rush punish you. I just wan lock you for half day, but house busy, I forget. No vex.”

She touch my shoulder like mother. For her mouth, na beg. For her eye, cold dey inside.

I answer soft, say I no fit blame am.

My voice low, my eye dey ground. I no get power to complain.

Madam nod small.

She lift her chin, act like say e no concern am. She check her bangles, arrange her wrapper.

After small silence, I no fit hold myself, I talk about leaving the compound.

I clear throat, voice like broom sweep sand. I talk am slow, no wan vex anybody.

Her face change sharp sharp. “You wan comot?”

Her smile vanish, eyebrow high. She no believe say I fit talk am.

I answer careful, yes.

I dey fear her reaction, but I talk am all the same. For my mind, I dey beg God.

Her fine hand dey turn teacup cover, voice just casual. “My body never strong. Chief no fit do without you.”

She dey spin cup cover round and round, like her mind dey plan something. Her voice no show her real mind.

I shock.

My breath catch. I remember wetin she promise me. I dey fear say I go die here.

She promise me three years—

Na that hope I dey hold since. But now, everything don scatter.

Madam just smile. “If you wan go, I go let Halima replace you. Two of una be sisters, voice and body resemble.”

The way she talk am, e cold like stream water for December. My mind just freeze.

Cold just enter my body.

I feel am for my bone. I grip my wrapper, fear catch me. I dey think, 'Make she no drag Halima into this thing.'

After long time, I hear my teeth dey shake. “So... chief fit give me proper position?”

My mouth dry, but I still try. For my mind, na only that chance remain.

“You wan become madam?”

Her laughter sharp, almost wicked. She look me like say I be goat.

Madam hiss. “If I wan chief take side chick, I fit choose hundred. You no go ever be one of them.”

She snap finger, mouth twist. For her, I be nothing.

“No even think say you fit follow chief way. For him eye, you be just plaything. Even if you finally dey for him bed, I fit use finger commot you.”

She stretch her hand, make small sign for air, like say she fit sweep me commot any time.

Breath no gree me. “But... maid suppose marry one day.”

My voice low, like wind wey dey blow for dry season. My chest dey pain me.

Na so I go dey do bed replacement forever?

My mind dey ask God, 'Na so my life go be?'

Madam just talk anyhow, “That gatekeeper pikin dey your age. Next year when you reach sixteen, I go marry you give am.”

She no even look my face, just dey arrange her bead. As if say she dey talk about market list.