Chapter 5: Taking Risks and Drawing Lines

I act like say I no notice, just dey enjoy every time Sani dey arrange to meet me.

I dey act like say na mistake anytime he show, but my heart dey jump. Even small touch dey make my body dey tingle.

For crowded canteen, empty gym, Sani always manage show where I dey, like say na coincidence.

If I sit down for back, he go sit near back. If I dey fetch water, na that time he go show for tap.

He dey stay near me longer and longer, eye dey follow me up and down, till one day, he push enter crowd come meet me.

His boldness shock me. For front of everybody, he waka straight, no fear. Girls dey look with side-eye, boys dey hail am.

“Halima, I like you. You go be my babe?”

For inside me, I dey dance. Na my dream dey come true, but I act cool, try form small shakara.

As I rush enter him arms, I pretend say I no see the small disgust wey him dey try hide under him long eyelashes.

I sabi read people face, but I lock that one for back of mind. Even if na play, at least na my play.

I just close my eye, deep breathe that sweet smell of mint and soap wey dey him body.

That smell, e be like home wey I never get. I go remember am reach old age.

Dem say for book, you go find house of gold, you go find beauty.

Na so dem write for storybook. But me, na human being I see, na real Sani I hold.

Our elders no lie.

If person talk say beauty dey sweet pass honey, believe am. I dey feel am for bone.

But I sabi say this beauty go only belong to me for small time.

I dey use timer for my mind. E no go last. But while e last, I go chop my own share.

Maybe he go soon tire for this revenge play, dump me for everybody to see, just to help him childhood friend.

If na that one, I go gree. At least I chop my own, I no dey regret.

Or maybe he go wan play am longer, make me fall deep, then just end am one day.

Whatever way e wan play, I dey ready. This life na turn by turn.

But wetin I no expect be say, this Sani wan scatter my own house of gold.

I dey protect my small joy, but e be like say Sani get another plan. I dey fear wetin fit burst.

The first time I see am na for internet café.

That day, NEPA no bring light, so everybody dey cluster for café. Generator dey hum for back, the air smell of roasted corn and sweat. I dey one corner, dey read past question, Sani dey play FIFA for computer.

I dey quietly dey solve ‘Exam Success’ practice book by Sani side, as him dey play game, when the guy just vex, pull off him headset.

The sound of the headset jam table, even café manager look up. Sani face strong, e no dey smile.

I look up, ask am wetin happen.

My biro pause mid-sentence. My voice small, I dey try gauge him mood.

He just dey look me, then talk, him eye cold.

Eye red, mouth tight. The whole café go silent small.

“I no like when you dey solve test paper when you dey with me.”

Everybody pause. I blink, dey wait make e talk more.

Because of fine boy, I no argue. I just pack the book, throw am one side.

At first, my hand pause as I remember my mama voice: 'Halima, book na your only escape.' The feel of my old, dog-eared maths textbook heavy for my palm. I hesitate, thumb the corner, my mind dey drag me back. But the way Sani eye dey look me—e strong pass. I finally put the book away.

I gree, just because na Sani. My mind dey shout, but my mouth quiet.

“Okay, I no go do am again.”

I talk am gentle. I gree, even if e dey pain me for bone.

He still dey look me, him face dey cold.

Na the kind look wey dey make person dey fear, but I still dey look am back, dey wait.

“I feel say the gap between us too much.”

The words heavy, hang for air. E pain me small.

“I no like am.”

True, the gap dey there. But na which gap Sani dey fear?

My heart begin beat.

My heartbeat loud for my ear. I dey try arrange words for mouth.

“So, how you want make e be?”

I open mouth, my own voice dey shake small, but I try hold am strong.

He just lean come near, our forehead almost touch, him voice almost like beg.

The closeness dey make my stomach turn. Na only we two dey for that moment.

“Why you no just be bad student like me?”

The blue light from the screen just dey shine for him eye, as if say na spirit dey call me come, he invite me:

Him voice low, like secret. "Halima, abeg, drop all those book thing, just join me dey free."

“Halima, enter my world. Stay with me forever.”

He stretch hand, like say e dey offer me ticket enter new life. That moment, na big decision I make.

That moment, my joy nearly burst.

I nearly jump for chair. The thing sweet me pass sugar. I dey high like say I drink zobo wey dem put extra honey.

So na this him dey find.

So na this Amina dey find.

Everything clear for my eye. Na play, but I dey inside.