Chapter 2: House of Absence

Na the third day after I return from abroad, I finally reach the house wey me and Chuka dey stay together for Palm Grove Estate.

The estate gate still get that loud security, with them big dog wey go bark like say e dey do extra shift. As I reach the house, e be like say dust and silence dey compete. Even though I dey drag my small Ghana-Must-Go, my heart dey beat one kain. Na so I open door, take deep breath, let that Naija heat welcome me proper.

As I open door, e clear say nobody don stay there for long. NEPA don take light again, so the air inside thick with heat and the faint smell of candle wax. You know that type of emptiness wey get smell? Not dirty o, but that absence, the kain one wey you go feel for your chest. Even my slippers echo for the tiles.

Even though the woman wey dey come help clean dey try keep everywhere neat, person presence get one kind feeling.

The house still get that faint smell of Jik and Dettol, but human presence, no dey. Even the curtains dey look tired. My spirit just drop as I dey waka round.

I carry my bag enter, check the CCTV for the door.

I quick put my things for parlour, wipe sweat from my forehead, then waka go check the CCTV. You know as Naija dey—security matter na serious thing. I just dey pray say I no go see nonsense for the footage.

The recording only reach one month back, and inside that time, Chuka never show face for house even once.

Na only me dey appear, sometimes the cleaner. I check am well, rewind, fast forward—Chuka shadow no even near.

No wahala.

Na so I just sigh, tell myself say I no go let this matter disturb my mind. After all, I still dey try balance jetlag.

Midnight reach, the stereo for master bedroom still dey blast: "My heart is beating, love dey burn like fire, you dey laugh, na me dey craze..."

The music just dey jam. I even forget say the speaker dey set on auto-play. You know those old Naija love songs wey dem remix anyhow, na im dey fill the air. E just dey make my mind dey waka to old days.

I just dey play game for bed.

Me sef, I dey play Candy Crush dey wait sleep, phone for hand, leg dey tap to the rhythm. I just dey try distract myself.

The music loud sotey I no even hear when person enter.

E reach one kain stage, the song loud reach, I no even sabi say person don enter. Na so my mind dey far.

Na when the music just stop anyhow, I come dey reason say maybe the house get spirit.

As the music off, I come shock—who off am? My mind first fly: "Abeg o, I no get strength for spiritual wahala." You know Naija house, once sound cut like that, fear fit catch person.

I turn look, na Chuka I see, silver-rimmed glasses for face, the guy just dey stand for bed edge like correct big boy.

I twist neck, see Chuka just dey stand dey look me. The guy get that swag—silver-rimmed glasses, face cold as ever, but clothes neat, as if he just waka from one seminar. My heart jump small.

"So you don come back?"

His voice no loud, e just dey steady, almost like e dey ask casual question, but na that Chuka coded style.

I face my game, answer am, "Mm, I don reach three days now."

I no even bother look am, just dey tap phone. Na pride dey hold me, but my heart dey pound like generator.

Chuka no talk for long.

Na so silence just fall, the air thick. If to say light dey blink, e for fit join the awkwardness. I just dey wait make he talk, but nothing.

When I finish my round, I see say the guy still dey stand there dey look me.

I look up, see say e still dey stand there, like statue wey dem put for shrine. The guy get patience sha.

Chuka talk say e dey busy recently, next time e go follow me travel go see exhibition.

He finally talk, say work wahala plenty, but next time, he go follow me go see art for abroad. Na him way to patch things, you know as dem dey dodge real talk.

I look up. "No need. I enjoy myself well-well with my girls."

I just bone, force smile. I no want make am feel say I dey beg am, so I just dey act strong. For my mind, I dey para.

Na when Chuka finish bath, come lie for bed near me, na im I turn back face the other side without even think am.

Na so he go bath, come lie for bed, the two of us just dey for one bed but space dey like river Niger pass between us. I no even send am, turn face wall.

Na there e hit me—I no sure say I still love Chuka again.

Na that moment my chest begin dey heavy. All the things wey I dey suppress just land for my head. I dey reason: this thing, e don tire me?

Tears just rush come, soak my pillow.

Before I know, tears just dey drop, soak my pillow, I dey try muffle the sob. For Lagos, to cry sometimes dey relieve, but I no wan make am hear.

Before, I dey think say to just dey near Chuka dey okay, but human being heart get as e be—e too greedy.

Before nko? I go dey near am, dey happy say I get person. But now, my heart dey ask for more. E no dey do me again, to just dey there like statue.

I want make Chuka love me too.

I want make am look me, see me, choose me. No be only to dey survive for the same house. I want that spark wey dey for film.

For outside, Chuka be like perfect boyfriend—until that day.

For people eye, na so—Chuka, correct boyfriend, get sense, get work, sabi book, no dey find wahala. But me wey dey inside, I know say the thing no balance again.

Na that time I see say wahala dey between us wey nobody fit cross.

That day, my eye clear. The kain gap wey dey between us, no be only language or hearing—na heart too. Something dey block us, I no even fit describe am. You know those things wey prayer and fasting no dey solve?

E no gree make I near am reach.

He no go ever open up, no go ever let me enter fully. My mind just dey shake, tears dey flow steady. Sometimes love dey be like say person dey drag cold eba—e no sweet, e no go down.