Chapter 4: Guilt, Hustle, and Jealousy

8

After WAEC, for two years, I hustle anyhow, dey send money to Jide account to pay debt.

I do all kind menial job. Sell recharge card, sweep salon, hawk for street. I dey count money, dey send. Each transfer na prayer.

Every time transfer fail—

Pain dey my chest. I dey try reach him, bank go say failed. E dey vex me.

He hate me, hate me sotay he no wan collect the money.

That na wetin my mind dey tell me. But something inside me dey hope say one day, e go forgive me.

We no get contact again, until this empathy doll matter.

Na small thing start am. Na so fate dey play dice. Life get as e be.

One night, I dream of his scattered bed and strong thigh.

Dream wey no get head or tail. I wake up, dey sweat. I dey curse myself for even remember that kain thing.

Nonsense.

I hiss, turn face wall. I dey talk for my mind, see as my brain dey run anyhow.

Next day, one classmate link me part-time job.

Na so hustle show again. I no dey ever tire. God dey open way.

Dog walker for rich people house.

I happy say at least money go enter, even if na small.

I reach one big duplex, na Jide open door.

As I see am, na so my heart jump. I try form, act like say I no know the house. Jide don grow, e face set, e dey look like all those fine boys for GTBank advert.

After two years, the guy don grow, face sharp, nose straight.

Na man he don be now. Confidence full body. E stand for door like landlord.

I quickly say: "Sorry, I fit don miss road."

My mind dey beg God make ground swallow me. I dey squeeze bag for hand.

Jide just cold: "You no miss road."

He talk am like say na police man. Cold, but e no rude. Na just wall dey between us.

No shock for him face, just dey look me hard.

Eyes sharp, e dey try read my mind. E no dey smile. I dey feel the tension.

"Coco dey my room."

Him voice just dry.

He turn go, no want talk more.

E dey act like say I be stranger, but I sabi say e dey pain am.

That red ear for video last night, e be like dream.

Me sef dey confuse. Na dream or reality? The way e look me, I no fit talk.

I pause, then follow am.

Na small corridor, the air cold, I fit smell air freshener. My leg dey shake, but I still waka.

Room door small open, light no too bright.

Jide room na typical boy room. Bedsheet never lay well, book dey everywhere. Poster for wall, football boot for corner.

Coco dey sleep for crib.

Dog just dey snore, e head soft for pillow. E resemble small baby. I almost laugh.

As I wan carry dog, I see my empathy doll near Jide pillow.

Wearing Ankara dress, gold hairclip, coral bead necklace.

The doll fine pass before. Jide really decorate am, e even wear am small gele join. I dey surprise.

Fine like small princess.

Ah, no be say he talk say the doll na Coco toy?

E get as e be. If Coco na dog, how e go dress doll with bead?

I wan check well, Jide sharply carry am, hide for him hoodie pocket.

Speed sharp sharp. E even hiss, eye me.

Him face hard, talk quick: "Funto, abeg, no dey feel yourself. Na just rubbish wey Coco tire for, e force me dress your doll, I just decorate am."

Bullet comments flash again:

[Abeg, heroine no ask anything, who dey vex I no go talk.]

[Coco: groundnut for me]

[Oya, I be scavenger, give me coral bead necklace abeg.]

People online sef, dem no dey rest. Every gist na cruise for them.