Chapter 1: The Udara Palava Begins

I dey fear make my supervisor no vex for me, so I begin find everywhere for replacement sapling.

The fear grip me like midnight witch, sun dey roast my neck, sweat dey soak my back—like say NEPA join hand with my village people. My mind dey jump like danfo for pothole, body dey hot, but I still dey comb every corner, dey ask anybody wey fit help. Na so this Naija wahala be—if you like, make you carry two heads, you go still dey worry.

As wahala dey my mind, I drop ten desperate messages for campus WhatsApp buy/sell group: "Abeg, who get udara tree, DM me price!"

As I dey type the message finish, hand dey shake, my eye dey check if person go laugh me for group. But when wahala hold you, shame dey comot through backdoor. I even add small prayer: 'God abeg, make miracle happen for me today.'

Before long, person message me privately: "Udara tree, eighty-eight thousand, I go deliver am reach your door."

The message land like police knock for night. I first pause, rub my eye, reason say na joke. But as I see the price, my heart cut. I even check the number two times, make sure say no be 419 be this one.

E cost small, but as e be, I no get choice. My finger dey hover for transfer button, heart dey beat like generator wey no wan start. I buy am sharp sharp.

After small argument for my head, I just sigh. For Naija, when wahala big pass you, na to swallow am like fufu. As e be so, I do transfer, reason say make this stress end quick.

No too long after I pay, the seller tell me make I come downstairs.

As I reach downstairs, na only one fine guy I see. No sign of any udara tree.

The area quiet, breeze dey blow, but na only this guy stand for corner dey press phone. My eye dey search everywhere—no single sign of leaf or small sack.

I waka go meet am, ask: "Abeg, where my udara tree dey?"

E pause, point himself, come talk: "My name na Uche Udara."

I nearly laugh out, but as e talk am, face serious, I begin reason say Naija wahala pass my own. For my mind I dey think, 'Which kain cruise be this one now?'

E just dey rub forehead, dey look sky. As I dey watch am, I dey pray make ground open swallow me—because tomorrow, wahala go mature.