Chapter 3: Pride, Pain, and Goodbye

I no even know when I cry sleep.

The sleep come like thief. Even dream sef run leave me for that kind sadness.

When I wake, I see Ifedike dey sit by my bed.

He cross leg, chin rest for hand, just dey study me. Sunlight dey enter through window, shine for him face. He look tired, but him no go talk.

He dey look my swollen eyes, like say e wan laugh but still dey vex.

The corner of him mouth bend up, like say, 'See this girl.' But eye red, I sabi say e pain am too.

So na me slap am, na me still dey cry?

Na Naija woman wahala be this. As I dey think am, I feel small shame, but pride no go let me show.

Him face no show anger again. Maybe person don already console am.

I dey wonder if na Nnenna call am, or maybe him just decide say fight no worth am again.

I turn my back give am, I no even wan see am.

I hug pillow, face wall, pretend say sleep still dey my eye. My heart dey harden, no wan gree for am.

If we no dey break up now, na to dey play two sides e dey plan?

I dey calculate, dey measure all the signs wey I miss. Na so dem dey start, small small, before you know, your place don change from madam to visitor.

So as he try touch me, I slap him hand commot again.

The way my hand take brush him finger, e show say my anger never cool. Sisi, the cat, hiss, waka go under bed.

“Abeg, no use your dirty hand touch me.”

My voice sharp, I no even look back. For my mind, na war zone.

Ifedike vex, stand up point himself.

Him chest rise, eye wide like say I accuse am of something big. He go front of bed, hands akimbo.

“Me dirty? Amaka, I no suppose buy you medicine sef.”

E pain am, I fit see am. The way him voice take rise, na real vex.

Wait, medicine?

I pause. E get as e be. I look my hand, dey wonder if na sickness I get wey I no know.

I look my hand, true true, small yellow Robb dey on top.

The smell of menthol strong, na Robb I use rub my head before sleep yesterday. I rub am forget to wash hand.

But so?

I no care if na Robb or balm or anything. For my mind, the fight don pass ointment matter. E get as e dey do me.

Na last bus stop be this for this our relationship.

E no matter if medicine dey or no dey. If love don spoil, no amount of balm fit heal am.

Since he no wan talk, make I talk am myself.

I dey gather courage, my voice no dey shake. E shock me sef.

“Ifedike, make we break up.”

The words heavy, but at least I talk am before him. My pride still dey, even as my heart dey scatter inside.

[I no expect madam wahala go talk break up first. 😂]

[But later, when Odogwu hammer, na she go still dey find way come back. Las las, heartbreak na breakfast.]

[Abeg make una break up. Two of una no fit last.]

All those people for WhatsApp and Facebook go soon celebrate say the wahala girl finally show her true color.

Ifedike shock, e be like say e no believe wetin he hear.

E mouth open, eye dey blink like person wey see juju for junction. My own still dey pain me, but I hold face strong.

“Wetin you talk?”

He voice low, almost like whisper. I sure say e never expect am.

“I talk say make we break up. I don taya.”

My chest dey tight, but na so I spit am out. Na today I decide say tears no go kill me.

Ifedike look me, him voice calm pass normal.

Na the kind voice wey person dey use when e dey swallow bad news. E dey try gather himself, no wan show say e pain am.

“Tell me why.”

He look my eye, like say answer dey inside.

I sniff, talk,

“Because I no wan dey wait for you every night till one, two o’clock, sometimes I no dey even see you for days. You sabi say I dey fear darkness.”

My voice dey break. I dey confess my heart, even though pride dey struggle with me. I remember all the times I light candle, dey check phone for his text, dey pray say nothing do am. Nobody understand how e dey be to dey lonely with person wey suppose be your own.

The main thing be say, instead make I dey wait for am to dump me, make I talk am first, at least my pride still dey.

As I dey talk, my mind dey race. I dey wonder if I fit survive without him, or if na just my ego dey drive me. But at least make I no dey last for table of heartbreak.

[This madam wahala too funny. Odogwu dey hustle for future, she just dey reason herself. She deserve to dey broke.]

[Odogwu no propose na correct move. Fine geh like this go just hold am down.]

[Main babe better pass. She dey help for career, still dey support emotionally.]

For social media, everybody get opinion. I just dey wish person fit see inside my chest, know say I no be bad person.

Ifedike sef go dey reason am like that.

E fit dey compare, dey think say Nnenna dey support, dey understand am. I dey hope say e go miss me, but I no sure again.