Chapter 5: Clash, Confession, and Hard Lessons

My mind dey tell me make I go house.

My spirit dey beg me, 'Amaka, leave here before you disgrace yourself.'

If not, I go just dey wound myself.

But leg no gree. The street light dey cast my shadow long for ground, as if my wahala dey follow me waka.

I carry my phone call Ifedike.

Hand dey shake, voice dey low, but I press dial. Na the only thing wey fit give me small closure.

He pick quick.

His voice sharp, like person wey no want story.

“You don calm down?”

He dey talk like say na small matter we dey settle. My mind dey vex, but my mouth dry.

From the way he dey talk, e be like say him dey happy.

I dey suspect maybe alcohol don calm am, or maybe new babe dey ginger am.

“So, I fit come house tonight?”

I dey expect him go say no, but I ask anyway.

......

My mind blank, but I dey look the room door, dey hope say miracle go happen. I no answer, just dey wait.

I just dey look the room door, I no answer. Instead, I ask, “Where you dey?”

My voice low, but my heart dey pound. Na test I dey give am.

He pause. “Wetin happen?”

He dey dodge, like say e no want answer.

He dey fear to talk?

The way he take pause, I fit hear small music for background. My suspicion dey grow.

Noise dey the phone. Ifedike voice dey break.

People dey shout, music dey play. Him voice dey fade in and out.

“Wetin I go dey fear talk? Amaka, you no fit stop all this your suspicion..."

He dey vex, but I dey hear small guilt inside. E clear say e get something wey e dey hide.

Na that time, Ifedike wey just commot from the room see me.

He see me for corridor, surprise flash for him face, then he lock up quick.

He keep phone, waka come my side.

His steps strong, face dey serious. Na like person wey no expect to see you for him dream.

“Wetin you dey do here?”

His voice loud, e dey try form control, but e shock say I fit reach here.

“If you fit come, why I no fit come?”

My eye sharp, I stand my ground. For my mind, na question and answer.

[Madam wahala don start again. If only she sabi communicate, she for no dey push Odogwu away.]

[No way—two of them no be official couple. Dem go just dey miss each other anyhow.]

[Actually, no be only madam wahala fault. Odogwu no dey talk true. If una dey together, anything wey happen, make una talk am. For this relationship, madam wahala don already lose her security, but Odogwu no notice.]

Even for group chat, dem dey analyze. For this life, everybody dey judge from outside.

I just bone face, no gree shift.

I fold hand, stand like wall. Nobody fit push me unless I ready.

Ifedike just dey laugh me.

He shake head, small smile for him face, but I sabi say e dey mock me small.

“Okay, okay, na my fault. Just chill. I go carry you go house soon.”

He talk as if he dey do me favour. My pride no go let me agree.

Before I know, I just talk,

My mouth sharp, before I fit control am.

“You no go introduce your friend to me?”

Even me shock say I talk am.

I no believe say my voice fit strong reach like that. Maybe na pain dey push me.

Wetin I dey do?

I dey ask myself, but pride no go let me back down. I dey feel like market woman wey dey fight for front of her shop.

That day, he hide the ring, even all those comments talk say nothing dey for us again.

All my mind dey replay that WhatsApp gist. I dey hope say na lie, but e clear say ground don shift.

But to know say he go dey with another person, I no fit accept am.

I dey fight for the last small respect wey remain. Even as my heart dey cut, my face dey form hard.

Three years together, over one thousand days and nights.

No be beans. Our story get chapters, no be only one page. Na why e dey pain me.

I know say to forget this relationship no go easy.

Na real fight to delete all our old pictures, to clean memory pass Akamu for morning.

I begin dey panic, I dey lose myself.

My hand dey shake, my throat dry. My own self dey run from me.

Because I care too much, I wan make person value me.

Na the problem be that. Love dey sweet, but e fit turn you to mumu if you no careful.

I hold my tears, talk, “If e no convenient, no wahala. I go find keke myself.”

I dey form strong, but my voice dey tremble. I no wan make anybody pity me.

Ifedike grab me as I wan go, him eyes dey shine.

He hold my hand, grip firm. His own eye dey red, but e dey try cool down.

“Amaka, abeg, no vex. Na hustle dey worry me, I swear. You no dey like crowded places, especially when people full everywhere. You dey always feel awkward. I reason say you no dey like this kind place, so I no dey invite you...”

His voice soft, almost like apology. He dey look my face, dey search for sign say I go forgive am.

Ifedike hold my hand, carry me enter the private room.

His hand warm, I no fit pull am. He open door, step inside like say na him dey lead procession for church.

About seven, eight people dey inside.

Noise dey everywhere, laughter, music. The smell of pepper soup strong for air. Some dey play draft, others dey argue about football.

Ifedike introduce me to all of them one by one. As we finish, na that time he remember to introduce who I be.

He raise hand, clear throat. 'Make una hear, this na my Amaka.' Pride dey his voice.

One guy put hand for my shoulder.

He smell of dry gin, but he dey smile. 'Welcome o, madam.'

Ifedike talk loud, “Na my girlfriend be this. Una never see her before.”

He talk am like say he dey claim me for everybody to hear. My heart beat slow, small pride dey enter me, but wahala still dey.

My mind just focus on the only other girl for the room.

She fine, skin smooth, nails red. She cross leg, dey sip malt. I dey suspect say na she be Nnenna.

Na the same girl wey follow Ifedike enter before.

Her perfume still dey hang for air. She no dey smile, just dey size me from head to toe.

First time wey I dey see her. So this na Nnenna.

So na this babe dey threaten my place. My spirit dey boil, but I dey try hold myself.

As she notice say I dey look her, she look me back.

Her eye cold, no smile. E be like challenge dey inside.

But e no be friendly look.

She dey use style, dey show say she no send me. I bone face, no wan lose guard.

Or maybe na my mind dey play trick.

Sometimes, pain dey make person see wahala wey no dey. But my heart no gree.

[Wetin dey happen? Fine geh and madam wahala don jam? We go still see any hot scene tonight? 😂🔥]

[Of course! With madam wahala kind character, she go still find trouble.]

[You no see jealousy for her eye when she see fine geh?]

Group chat dey hot, all those social media spectators dey wait for fight. Na so our life turn soap opera for other people eye.

I touch my face. E really show like that?

I try arrange my face, use hand smooth eyebrow, look for any sign of wahala. My heart dey beat, I dey feel exposed.

To confirm, I run go toilet.

I dodge all eye, waka go corner toilet. I lock door, breathe in and out, try compose myself.

The me wey I see for mirror no different, just small tired.

Eye red, nose swell. I try smile, e no reach my heart.

As dem dey talk, wahala for mind dey heavy pass mountain.

The kind heaviness dey choke me. I rub powder, wash face with soap. My hand dey shake, but I dey fight to hold ground.

I wash my face with cold water, dey go out, na so Nnenna show.

She lean for wall, arms fold. Her eye dey sharp, like cat wey dey eye mouse. She snap finger for my front, eye me from head reach toe, like say she dey size Ankara for market.

She no waste time: “You and Ifedike no fit. If you really care for am, you no suppose dey hold am down like this.”

Her voice low, but e strong. She dey speak as if she get authority over my life.

I ask her with cold face, “Wetin you mean?”

I bone face, try form big madam. No time to show weakness.

“You know about Ifedike project for Jos, abi? But because of you, he no wan go. Even few days ago, I follow am meet client. Even as he rub Robb, the slap mark still dey show for him face. You know say wetin you do fit scatter all him hustle since? If you really love am, free am. If na money or any other thing you want, we fit talk.”

She dey list all the things like say na me dey hold Ifedike destiny for pocket. The way she talk, e pain me.

I hold my fists tight, my nails dey dig my palm.

I dey fight to hold my tears, my inside dey shake. But I no wan show weakness for her front.

“Na Ifedike send you come talk all this?”

My voice sharp, I dey challenge her. I want know if na real or na play.

I know say Ifedike recently catch one big project wey go bring money.

People for office dey talk say him get luck this period. I dey pray say e go use am better.

Anything pass that, I no too sabi.

He dey hide plenty things from me, but na now everything dey clear.

As for those two slaps, I never still understand why I do am.

E pain me, but I no fit explain am. Love dey turn person head.

That day na my birthday. I cook, wait from seven reach eleven at night for Ifedike to come back.

I make jollof, fry plantain. I even buy malt for myself. The candle wey I put for table burn finish before he show.

Na so fight start.

First na small voice, then shout, then everything burst.

Ifedike tell me make I no dey wait for am again.

He say work dey, he dey try hustle. But for me, na neglect I feel.

As anger catch me, I no fit hold myself, I slap am.

E shock me, e shock am. Silence fill room. Sisi run hide under chair.

Na the first time for my life I ever slap person.

My hand pain me, my chest pain me. I dey cry even as I dey vex.

I no vex because he come late or forget my birthday.

No be just the lateness, na the way he just talk as if my feeling no matter.

I just feel say the way he take act no good.

The kind way him dey wave my pain, e enter me deep.

Now as I think am, he no really do anything bad.

I dey try reason am, maybe na me overreact. Maybe na stress, or fear of losing am.

Na me force am.

Love dey blind person. I dey act like say if I no hold am strong, another person go snatch am.

I dey always put love for head, forget myself.

Na my problem be that. For this Naija, dem dey talk say woman suppose get pride, but I carry my own give man finish. Today, I dey learn say love for this country na real wahala—e fit turn even correct girl to mumu if you no shine eye.

God, abeg, make my heart no break finish. If na test, help me pass am.