Chapter 6: Cold Words and Warm Tears

That reunion night, time reach 11:30 p.m.

The whole city quiet. Traffic don die, but my mind no calm.

Olumide never come house.

I dey look clock, dey bite my nail. My phone dey my hand like say I dey expect call from heaven.

I dey reason if I go text am, but he message me first.

My heart skip as the message land. I rush open am.

[Drink too much, no safe to drive, I go sleep for Suleiman lounge tonight. No wait for me.]

The grammar too neat, I dey suspect. Olumide no dey slur, even for text.

I just get one idea, ask Suleiman for address, say make I go pick Olumide surprise am.

I dey form James Bond. I dey hope say I go see am dey smile, make we laugh go house.

Too bad, my brother travel go London last week for work.

If to say e dey, I for carry am follow body. We for do am like family rescue mission.

If not, I for just ask am for gist.

My brother sabi all their movement. E go just laugh, say, 'Abeni, you don dey spy?'

I guess when party go end, drive go Suleiman new lounge.

My heart dey beat fast. The road dark, but my mind dey focused.

I waka look, just as I wan call Suleiman, I see Olumide shadow.

E dey stand for bar, the light dey low. My eye dey try adjust.

For the dim light, Olumide lean for bar, him back straight, fingers dey play with glass of palm wine.

E dey swirl the drink, face calm. If you see am, you go think say e dey model for magazine.

E still dey look posh and fine.

E fit wear anything, still look like person wey dey come from photoshoot.

I smile, dey watch am before I waka go meet am.

I dey enjoy the view, dey wish say I fit capture am for my mind forever.

But na then I hear Olumide just talk, "...Marriage arrangement wey no get feelings na the most stable."

My smile freeze. The words cold like ice block. I no believe say na my own Olumide talk am.

My smile just freeze.

I dey try balance. My leg dey weak. E pain me pass as if person pinch me for market.

The cold words just cut me for heart.

Na so my chest twist, my body cold. I dey try form strong, but my eye dey red.

My eyes just full with tears.

I dey try hold am, but my eye betray me. I fit feel one drop escape.

I no fit hear again, I just run comot.

I dash enter corridor, dey wipe eye. I dey pray say nobody go see me.

I no know say I miss wetin Suleiman talk next:

E get as e be. Sometimes, na small thing dey change story.

"Abeg, Olumide, even you no believe that one. How you go dey use am convince me to marry for arrangement..."

Suleiman dey talk truth, but I no hear am.

I rush enter bathroom.

I lock door, sit for cover. I dey feel the tile cold for my leg. The place dey quiet, only sound of my own breathing.

Salty tears and cold water mix for my mouth.

I use tissue clean eye, but e no dry. I dey lick the salt, dey think of home.

Human heart dey greedy.

No matter how much person get, e still dey want more. Na so love dey be.

Olumide dey treat me well after marriage—

E dey try. E dey cook sometimes, e dey buy small small gifts, dey surprise me.

He dey tell me him plans, remember my likes, know say I dey fear dark so he dey leave rechargeable lamp for me every night...

I dey wonder how e dey remember small things. E dey make me believe say maybe e get hope.

So I think say him sense of duty na love.

I dey deceive myself, but e dey help me sleep for night.

After some time,

My heart calm small. I dey ready face the world again.

I look up, force one kind ugly smile for mirror.

My smile crooked, but I manage am. I dey try reassure myself.

"Abeni, you suppose dey content," I tell myself.

I dey preach to myself, dey form strong woman. I dey reason say other people dey suffer pass.

I just hope Olumide no go ever know say I dey love am.

I dey fear say if e know, e go use am against me, or e go run.

When I finally compose myself and wan comot,

I dey arrange my face, dey rehearse smile. I dey pray say nobody go ask me question.

I see Suleiman and him people dey waka come.

Dem dey loud, dey laugh. My mind dey skip, dey prepare for drama.

Olumide dey look him phone for back.

E dey scroll, dey pretend say e no notice me. But I dey sense tension.

Suleiman see me first, wave, greet me.

E act like say nothing dey happen. E dey try cover for me.

"Abeni..." Suleiman talk, then nudge Chuka wey still dey talk.

He wink, dey signal make Chuka behave.

But Chuka no get sense, just dey run mouth:

E dey loud. Everybody dey hear am. I dey frown, dey hope say ground go open.

"Abeni, we just dey talk say Ifeoma don come back and dey find work."

The name dey loud for air. My heart skip again.

"You feel say if she return early, Olumide..."

The matter wey I dey run from, e come land for my front like NEPA bill.

I wan shout, but my tongue heavy. I fit stay fight, but Lagos woman pride no gree.

I rush enter bathroom, lock door, and just whisper, 'God, abeg, make this pain no last. Make Olumide see me one day.'