Chapter 7: Ashes and Seeds

I go sink, wash my hand slowly.

The water cold. I dey scrub hand, dey think all the things wey pass. My reflection for mirror look tired, but my spirit dey stand.

“Wetin? Una self wan try oga hand?”

I talk am calm, but my tone sharp. I dey warn dem make dem no try nonsense.

Dem push each other run, leg dey make noise for corridor.

Dem nearly fall. I see dem shadow for door. My mind calm small.

“Tch, wetin dey there to carry shoulder…”

I hiss, shake head. People dey quick forget good deed. Na so life be.

I bring out cigarette, light am.

I no dey smoke, but tonight I need am. Na my own small rebellion. I inhale deep, hold breath.

Smoke just dey waka go up.

E swirl like my thoughts, lost for ceiling. I just dey stare, dey count how many dreams don fade.

Hehn.

Life na turn by turn. I dey tell myself say better day go come.

Tobi still be the same Tobi.

Man wey no dey change, just dey shift love as e like. I remember the first time I meet am—him mouth sweet, but na same pattern.

If he like person, he go pamper am die.

He fit wash your feet, cook for you, carry you for back. But when e tire, e go move on quick.

Just yesterday,

he dey tell me make I no use my position disturb Halima for office.

Na me he dey warn, like say na me dey do evil. I just laugh, dey pity myself.

But sharp sharp, he use him own power take push me down.

Now na Halima dey benefit. E no cost am anything to betray me.

And this society—

E no get pity for woman wey fall. Everybody go move to the next gist. Na so e be.

na real yeye.

I flick ash for sink, stand straight. I tell myself say I go rise again. Dem fit bury me, but dem no know say I be seed.