Chapter 8: The Car and the Past

As I waka comot from company, one big car park for front like say na film.

Headlights dey shine, music dey low. My shoe dey click for pavement. I see the plate number, my chest tight.

I know that car well.

Na Tobi own.

E fit buy new babe, but car still dey remain. He dey like show status. I dey wonder wetin him dey wait for.

As he see me, he flick cigarette, lean for car door, wave make I come.

Him style na the same—cool guy, always in control. I pause, dey calculate whether to cross road.

I pause, but still waka go.

I tell myself say I no go fear anybody for this life. I gather bag, march with confidence.

As I reach, na that time I see say Halima dey for passenger seat.

She dey adjust mirror, dey check makeup. She no even look my side. My chest pain me.

That seat—

Na my seat before. All the jokes, all the road trips—dem now be memory. I remember that time wey Tobi go play Asa “Jailer” for car and we go shout the chorus together, laugh until tears come out. Na only me sabi why he always off AC for Lekki tollgate because I dey fear the cold. All those inside jokes, na only me and am get am. Now e lost, now another person dey there.

Wey before, na only me dey sit there.

No woman ever sit there unless na my cousin. Now Halima dey enjoy the ride.

Plenty times before, she go stand where I dey now, dey look me for that seat, dey talk:

She go dey act like fan, dey hype our love. My mind never suspect anything.

“Aunty Amara, your boyfriend dey treat you well o.”

She dey always smile, dey make me feel special. Now I know say na game.

“Aunty Amara, you suppose shine eye for all these small small girls. No let anybody collect your boyfriend. No worry, I go help you dey watch am.”

I trust her that time. I no know say na she be thief wey I dey fear.

One time, after work, I see Tobi car for downstairs. I think say he come carry me, but from nowhere, Halima rush pass me, open passenger door, wan enter.

I remember, I just laugh, no suspect anything. I just dey happy say my team dey bond.

I just call her name.

My voice loud. She freeze, eye big.

She freeze, then quickly close door, talk,

Her voice tremble small, but she recover fast. She sharp.

“Ah, Aunty Amara, I think say na you dey inside car.”

She dey quick form story. I just wave am off, no know say e get meaning.

Then she hold my hand, talk say she wan carry me go chop after work.

She dey act like my pikin, dey drag me for suya joint. I just dey smile, dey enjoy her company.

That time, even Tobi face no show anything.

He just dey press phone, dey nod. I no see the signs. Love blind me.

That small doubt wey I get just disappear quick quick.

I convince myself say everything dey alright. Na me dey deceive myself.

If I look back now, no be just say I naïve—

I fit blame myself, but I know say I try. Sometimes, life just dey plan another script for your head.

I no even dey aware at all.

Now, I dey see everything clear like harmattan morning. My eye don open.

As I waka go front, Halima smile greet me, “Aunty Amara.”

Her smile broad, her voice high. I just nod, no talk. For my mind, na prayer I dey say—make God give me peace.