Chapter 4: WhatsApp Wahala and Hard Girl Moves

That night, I check Teacher Folarin WhatsApp status.

I dey expect maybe small joke or meme, but na disappointment. The status just dry.

Abeg, who dey use WhatsApp for only assembly timetable? Na wa.

Result: Boring die.

E no even post inspirational quote. Na pure work info—exam timetable, assembly schedule, nothing juicy.

Apart from reposting school info, nothing personal. Na pure work account.

Na so some teachers dey do. Dem dey guard personal life like police guard bullion van.

So I open chat.

[Good evening, Teacher Folarin. I fit add your personal account?]

My thumb dey shake small, but I no wan show say I dey desperate.

He reply sharp: [No vex, e no go work. If you need anything, holla me here.]

Sharp, no waste time. E no gree open gate at all.

I purse mouth.

For my mind, I dey calculate new strategy. This man na tough nut.

This guy cold o.

I dey reason—e be like say e no dey laugh for chat at all.

Me: [But you fine sha, I wan see your status.]

I dey use small butter. Maybe e go melt. But e no even send.

Teacher Folarin bone am.

No emoji, no dot, just blank. I fit feel am through phone.

I try again: [Teacher Folarin, you get babe?]

Na direct question. Sometimes you gats ask as e be.

Teacher Folarin: [No concern you.]

Omo! Sharp response. E no dey play.

Me: [But you too dey attractive.]

I drop am, dey wait response. My mind dey do race. I dey laugh small for pillow.

Teacher Folarin read am, no answer.

I no surprise. Na who wan reply that kain cruise?

I just laugh, mention Chibuzor.

I dey use threat style. Sometimes e dey work.

[If you no reply, Teacher Folarin, I go make Chibuzor buy food for me again tomorrow.]

That one touch am.

E be like say na student welfare dey hungry am pass.

Teacher Folarin: [You don old, why you dey bully student? Instead of dey waka up and down, find work make you fit feed yourself.]

Chai! E pain me. E dey try talk sense inside joke.

I shock. This guy really think say he fit change my life—wan turn bad girl to better person.

He dey see himself as motivational speaker. I just dey imagine am for radio show, dey give life advice.

So I play along: [You dey right.]

Sometimes you gats agree, just to see wetin go happen next.

Maybe he think say I dey hear word. He begin send plenty message:

The thing no even tire him. Motivational talk dey rush like UBA alert.

[Mm, I know say you be better pikin. No be shame if person no too go school. To work for yourself good. No dey compare yourself. Try get peace for mind...]

As he dey send, I dey reason say this man get future for church counseling.

Plenty motivational talk.

If dem put all the advice for paper, e go fill one JAMB answer booklet.

The thing literary, my head dey turn.

As I dey read, my eye dey close. But I dey enjoy the attention, no lie.

But I catch three words—better pikin.

Those words sweet me pass honey. If na home video, I for dey blush now.

I just dey smile, dey imagine am dey talk ‘better pikin’ with that serious face.

Na so my heart dey do kikum kikum. But na cruise.

I type quietly: [Better pikin? You wan dey discipline me?]

Na so I drop am, dey wait reaction.

Teacher Folarin: [......]

E shock. For chat, e resemble person wey swallow eba and the eba hook for throat.