Chapter 3: Losing and Finding

My cousin and Musa marriage na rush dem rush am, even wedding date na sharp sharp.

No long talk. Elders gather, fix date, say make we no waste time. Everything just dey happen fast.

Family dey busy dey prepare dowry for her, nobody get time to dey watch me.

Everybody dey focus on Zainab, her new wrappers, gold, yam, and goat wey go follow her enter Musa house. Me, I just dey background, like person wey no dey important.

These days, my body dey vex, I no dey rest.

Any small thing dey trigger me. Even food for my mouth, I no dey taste am. My mind just dey waka everywhere.

See all those red decorations for house, e just dey choke me.

The way them hang red cloth, blow balloon, tie palm fronds everywhere, e dey do me one kind. My spirit no fit settle.

So as my mama travel go church go pray, I give the gatekeeper small money, wear man cloth, sneak comot.

Na so I dress like boy—trouser, cap, even tie scarf hide my hair. I just tell gatekeeper make e collect this small change, close eye.

I pass Mama Chika akara stand, the smell of hot oil nearly blow my cover. I ride waka waka for town, no get where I dey go.

From main road to small corner, I dey just move. Nobody know say na me. I fit even waka pass Musa and Zainab, dem no go recognize me.

As I look outside, na late dry season again, breeze dey blow, flowers dey fall everywhere.

Dust dey rise small, but the kind breeze dey cool. All the flowers for road, e just remind me say time dey go, nothing dey permanent.

I remember say, inside that dream, many dry season days dey like this.

Every time I dey recall those days, na the same picture come my mind—me and Musa dey waka for empty field, hand dey brush each other by mistake.

First time we meet, na love at first sight.

Na so my heart jump, even my friends laugh me say I don dey lose guard.

When we jam again, my heart dey beat anyhow.

I dey try hide am, but my body no fit lie. Any time Musa close, my body dey answer present.

When we close, na smile wey mean something.

Him go just look me, mouth go curve small, as if say we dey share secret nobody fit decode. Na happiness I dey feel that time.

Me, Morayo, wey dey always pride myself say I get sense, na Musa fake love finish me, I carry my real heart give wrong person.

I dey tell myself, "See Morayo wey dey always advice other girls. Na you come fall mumu for love." The thing pain me, but na my cross.

"Zainab, the flowers wey dey front fine pass—make I carry you go."

I hear that line like say na arrow shoot me. Musa voice just dey echo for my head, dey scatter my body.

Through my tears, e be like say I hear Musa voice.

I fit swear say e dey call me, but na only shadow I dey see. My heart dey beat fast.

I quickly clean my tears, begin pursue the two shadows wey resemble them, pursue tire.

My leg dey weak, but I still dey follow, hope say I fit catch up. My mind dey tell me say if I see them, maybe things go change.

But last last, I still lose them.

Dem just waka enter bush, disappear. I stand, dey breathe heavy, tears don wet my face again.

As I look around, nobody dey, I just squat down, bury my head, begin cry seriously.

No shame again. I squat there, tears and snot mix for my face, as if ground dey beg me to enter inside.

"You this liar! If you no like me, why you no talk?"

I shout am for air, hope say breeze go carry my pain go. If person dey near, dem for think say I dey mad.

After I pour my mind finish, I waka dey go house.

No more energy. I just dey move slow, no send anybody, no even care who see me for road.

As I pass one fish pond, I stand near one fisherman, dey look the water lilies wey full everywhere, I talk:

My eye catch the lily, beautiful but lonely. I just dey talk out loud, "Nobody dey take care of this place, so all the fish don die inside the weed."

The fisherman turn as he hear me, come call my name:

The man just twist, look me well. Small smile dey him face, e say, "So na Morayo disguise as that ghost wey I see for bush just now."

Na that time I recognize am—

I shock! The face familiar, but e don lean. Na memory from long time ago wake up.

Na the Fourth Prince, Sani Bello, wey die young, suffer join.

I remember all the story for palace. This na Prince Sani, the one wey people talk say jazz no fit touch, but sickness carry am quick. E waka dey drag leg, like person wey okada jam for express. E still dey alive like spirit for my eye.