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My Dead Wife Lives in Our Mansion / Chapter 1: The Numbers No Dey Add Up
My Dead Wife Lives in Our Mansion

My Dead Wife Lives in Our Mansion

Author: Katherine Brooks


Chapter 1: The Numbers No Dey Add Up

After my papa disappear, na me come take over him small shop.

The thing weak me that year, but wetin person go do? For this life, if you no stand up, hunger go flog you like kobo wey fall for gutter. I still dey remember how Papa go whistle Bob Marley every morning, e voice crack but e smile wide. Every morning, I go sweep the front, arrange the stones for doorstep, and greet the elders wey dey pass. Even small boys for street dey hail me: 'Lingling, make I wash glass for you?' I go just smile, dash dem small change, make dem no go swear for my business.

That day, one man waka enter and ask me one kind question.

The way he take enter, e no be like customer. E stand dey look me, eye sharp like Baba Lawal for mosque—like say e dey weigh my spirit. The air cold small—like harmattan just brush through shop. My skin goosebump, zobo cup shake for my hand. I hold my breath.

"If you wake one day come notice say people for your house no dey tally again, wetin you go reason?"

Our shop na small place for the middle of old street.

If you dey pass there every day, you go sabi say the road no dey ever quiet. Market women dey shout price, bike men dey drag space, and children dey run upandan with corn for hand. Sometimes, goat fit waka enter, go chop small from tomato basket for front.

To the left na Mama Sade's snacks; to the right, Okoli's suya stand.

By nightfall, the smell of puff-puff and hot suya dey fight for air. Even ogiri and fried fish dey join the wahala, everywhere just dey hungry person. Even the flies dey confuse where to stay. Mama Sade sabi talk say her akara dey bring luck; Okoli go laugh, say na him pepper dey chase evil spirit.

Na our own, Lingling Jade Shop, with that big, old wooden signboard, dey for middle. E just dey there like say e no belong.

Sometimes, people go waka pass, pause, look the sign, then look me. Dem go shake head, whisper, 'Na juju dem dey do here?' But once dem see say na only stone and bead dey my front, dem go relax.

I dey sit for counter, dey chop gizzard dey sip zobo.

Zobo wey my papa teach me how to brew—ginger, cloves, pineapple peel. If you taste am, you go know say e pass ordinary. The zobo cold, ginger dey bite my tongue, e sweet pass Fanta. Gizzard dey warm for hand, pepper dey my tongue, I dey relax dey watch people waka.

I dey squint look the man wey stand for front of me—tall, dress correct, you go know say money dey him hand.

Na so some people dey shine, you go just see say them dey used to AC life, no be sun. Im shoe fine pass wetin I dey see for Instagram influencer hand. Im shoe clean die, wristwatch dey shine. I wonder if e ever trek for muddy street before.

Five minutes ago, he waka enter, introduce himself as Mr. Kamsiyochukwu, say na old customer for Uncle Musa, na Director Bassey refer am.

That Director Bassey, anybody for our area go tell you say e dey trust people with sense. Once you hear e name, you go sit up. I nod, keep eye for this Kamsiyochukwu, dey wait make he drop why e come.

"Mr. Kamsi, how your primary school maths be?" I slurp my zobo ask am.

Everybody for shop pause, even the small girl dey buy ring light. She stare. I like to test people, see whether dem get patience or pride.

Kamsiyochukwu look surprise small, like say he no understand why I ask, but as person wey get sense, he answer politely, "I dey teach advanced mathematics for university."

Then he come look confused. "E get wetin connect am to this matter?"

I notice as him eyebrow raise, but im voice still calm. Men wey sabi book no dey like make you doubt them.

"No really, haha." I pull my mouth corner, ask again, "You talk say the numbers no dey add up—which number exactly dey miss?"

"Na the number of rooms."

He keep quiet small, confusion show for him fine face, then he lower him voice.

For Naija, if person lower voice like that, you go know say matter get as e be. Some gist no dey for public ear.

"Na last week I just realise am."

"As I dey talk about house renovation with the designer, dey look the house plan, I just remember—upstairs, second floor, we get seven bedrooms."

"But since, na eight people dey live for the compound, one person, one room, e always balance before. I think say maybe I dey forget, so I go upstairs count the rooms one by one—na true, only seven dey. I come count the people wey dey house, e still reach eight."

The way he dey talk, e voice dey tremble like motor wey no get fuel. The thing dey worry am.

"So as e be now: eight people dey live here every day, each one get their own room, the house structure never change at all..."

He look me, fear flash for him fine face reach one second.

I notice the way e hand dey shake small, like say cold catch am. I just hold eye, dey watch am, dey wait make e finish.

"How e take possible say the numbers no dey add up?"

He talk this last one like whisper.

For that moment, if pin drop for shop, everybody for junction go hear am.

Outside, the music loud and happy, no dey rest at all, make our small shop come dey dull and quiet, like say e dey another world.

Even the generator for Okoli suya stand stop for one second. Only the sound of my zobo straw dey echo for inside.

"Nobody for house notice anything. I no wan cause wahala, so I never talk. I hear say Uncle Musa sabi this kind matter well well, na why I come."

As he call Uncle Musa, my heart pinch me small. People always dey look for solution but fear dey hold them.

I shake my head, sigh small.

"You just waste your time. Uncle Musa busy. Abeg, try dey go."

But as I talk am, I dey feel sorry for the man. E look like person wey life dey beat anyhow.

Kamsiyochukwu no even shock. He nod. "Uncle Musa na master—dey hide for city, no easy to find."

He remove him leather gloves, bring out card, press am for glass, push am come my side.

That kind gesture, you go see am for only people wey don see life. E no rush, e no beg. The card self heavy—money dey back am.

"Na two million naira I drop as advance. I just want make Uncle Musa come my house check am. Even if nothing happen, just take am as transport money. If you fit solve am, I go pay extra eight million."

If person say money no dey sweet belle, na lie. My eye shine like headlamp. My hand no even shake as I grab the card.

I throw my zobo for dustbin, stand up.

This na the kind opportunity wey fit change my level. I wipe my hand for jeans, look am face to face.

"Oya, make we dey go."

"Go where?"

"Your house."

Kamsiyochukwu shock. "You no be just receptionist?"

The thing sweet me for belle. Na so I shine teeth, give am that kind grin wey dey scatter market.

I grin, give am better smile.

"From today, na me be Uncle Musa."

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