Chapter 4: The Breaking Point

All the fear wey dey inside our son for days just pour out at once.

The parlour scatter, everywhere dey echo with cry. Even the wall clock stop to tick for one minute, like say time pause.

No matter how Morayo and I try pet am, he no gree calm down.

I try bribe am with sweet, Morayo try sing small lullaby, but Chijioke no even blink eye at all.

Normally, pikin wey be seven no too understand death, so dem no dey fear like this.

Morayo dey look me, her own eye red. "Ifeanyi, this one don pass my power." I dey nod, no fit talk.

E be like when we small, we fit jump from two meters high, but as adult, we no fit—because we no know danger that time.

Now, I dey wonder if Chijioke dey see something wey we no fit see. My own body dey cold, my wife hand dey shake.

But that time, I no even care why pikin dey fear death. I just wan make him stop to cry.

I dey ready do anything, call anybody, just make peace enter this house again.

I no know why, but the way he dey cry dey make me vex more and more.

My chest dey burn, the sound dey loud for my head. I dey feel one kind strange anger wey I no understand.

For my mind, I dey beg God, "No let me do wetin I go regret." For one moment, I even feel like say make I cover him nose and mouth—just make he quiet, even if…

My hand dey shake, I dey reason say, "No be me go harm my own pikin na."

My hand don dey reach him body before I shock, come back to myself, fear catch me. I jump from chair.

I look my own hand, dey shake. I dey pray for forgiveness, whisper, "God abeg, help me."

I no mind Morayo complain, I just dey look my own hand with surprise.

Morayo dey shout, but her voice dey far. I dey feel cold for my skin, my leg no dey ground.

The pores for my hand just open, cold from fan rush enter, my body begin shiver.

Sweat dey my back, but my skin cold. I no fit explain am, na only God know.

"Ifeanyi! You no dey hear? Come help calm Chijioke down!"

Morayo voice crack, she dey look me like say I be stranger.

How I go near dem like this?

I dey fear myself, dey fear wetin I fit do. I just dey stand, dey look.

But our son dey cry so teyy he no fit breathe.

The cry dey like siren, neighbors sef fit hear am. I dey panic.

As e be so, I remember say I fit call emergency number.

I grab my phone, finger dey shake. I dial, dey wait make dem pick.

As I explain the matter, the nurse pause for phone. "Eh… oga, make I confirm, na because your seven-year-old pikin dey cry you need ambulance?"

I dey shame, but I talk true. "Yes, madam, abeg, e serious."

"Yes." I try calm myself, explain everything well.

I talk all the story from beginning, my voice dey high, I dey beg for help.

The nurse talk me through first aid, I manage help our son catch breath.

She say make I rub him back, blow air small, give am water. E help small, the boy calm small.

Still, I call ambulance.

I no fit take risk, I dey fear say something fit happen.

As we dey wait, Morayo finally make our son stop to cry.

She dey sing small song, the same song her mama dey sing for her as pikin. "Obioma, obioma, dry your tears, my child." Chijioke breath dey slow down.

Everywhere quiet, heavy.

Mosquito fly pass, but nobody fit chase am. The silence loud like bell for church.

Nobody talk till we hear ambulance for outside.

The sound of siren bring small hope. I grab bag, Morayo carry Chijioke, we rush out.

Three of us go UCH Ibadan.

We sit for plastic chair, nurse dey sip Lipton for corner, generator hum dey background. The nurse dey ask question, Morayo dey answer, I dey hold Chijioke hand. The smell of hospital always dey make me fear, but today, I dey pray make dem talk say nothing dey do am.

Pediatrician hear our story, run some test, but everything normal.

Dem check eye, check breathing, even ask Chijioke some question. The boy just quiet, dey look ground.

For that time, our son dey look everybody face wey pass, I notice say he dey check if people dey blink.

He dey focus on nurse face, doctor face, even cleaner. Sometimes, he go touch him own eyelid like say e dey test something.

But after thirty minutes, he no look anybody again, no talk again.

He just fold hand, dey sit for chair. My heart dey break, but I no fit show am.

I think say maybe he see say nobody dey blink, fear catch am.

Morayo whisper, "Maybe na juju for that lake follow us come." I just sigh.

So the doctor think say maybe na psychological matter.

The way doctor dey twist pen for finger, I sabi say he no sure wetin to talk.

The hospital get special clinic for children and youth mental health, so dem refer us.

Dem give us paper, talk say make we come next morning. My leg dey heavy as I waka out.

I feel guilty, remember how I almost harm my son, so I dey try make am happy by all means.

I dey promise heaven and earth. "Chijioke, we go buy you ice cream, new shoe, anything you want."

I promise say we go mall later, buy that toy wey he dey always want, chop him favorite puff-puff.

The boy just look me, no smile. My chest dey heavy.

Morayo look me somehow, but no talk.

Her face show say she dey blame me small, but she just hold mouth. I dey pray make tomorrow better.

Maybe she dey think say if our son really get wahala, na our fault as parents.

Me sef dey ask God if I do something wrong, if na me make Chijioke dey suffer so.

Morayo dey sprinkle anointing oil for doorpost, whisper Psalm 91 under her breath. Both of us na teachers—maybe we dey too hard on am, dey pressurize am too much.

I remember how I dey force am do homework, even when e wan play. Maybe e too much.

After two hours, psychologist ask Morayo carry our son go out, leave me for office.

The office cold, one poster for wall talk say "No shame for mental wahala"—but shame still dey my chest. The doctor look me, ask many question about family history, dream, travel.

The doctor talk say, from the test, our son no get mental problem. About his fear say people no dey blink, dem check am well, and the root na that strange thing for my village.

He even show me drawing wey Chijioke do. E draw one big eye for middle of water, people stand for side dey look.

But Chijioke describe wetin he see different from us. He say na one big eye he see—not vortex—and he even look am face to face.

He talk say the eye blink once, then open wide, dey watch am till e disappear. The thing give me goosebumps.

After the vortex thing, we stay for guesthouse in my village for another ten days, nothing do our son. Na when we leave hill the wahala start.

I dey try remember if we see anything strange for road back, but nothing dey my memory.

The psychologist even check photo of the vortex. He think say Chijioke see am as eye because before the vortex show, the moon reflection dey middle of the lake, and when the vortex just start, from some angle, e resemble eye—white pupil, black eye.

He show me the picture, twist am for light. True true, I fit see how small pikin go think say na eye.

E be like that primary school drawing of agbalumo: na how you look am matter.

I laugh small, remember how we dey cut agbalumo for half to check star inside. The doctor smile, but still dey serious.

But doctor never see photo wey really look like eye online.

He say, "No worry. Sometimes, pikin dey mix memory and imagination." I just nod.

Since test show nothing, doctor no give any medicine, say the thing go clear by itself with time.

I happy small, but for my mind, I dey fear say this one different.

I feel relief.

For the first time in days, I fit breathe well. Morayo just hold my hand, we dey thank God say at least nothing dey show for test.

But e no go as doctor talk.

I no know say worse dey come.