Chapter 2: The Price of Second Chances

I force smile, pretend say I no fit do anything:

I pull mouth, form strong woman. If I show pain, dem go use am laugh me for family meeting. I just dey arrange face like nothing dey worry me.

"You don reach sixteen, you still dey behave like small pikin. When I marry your papa, your real mama don born another pikin already dey waka."

I talk am calm, but my voice dey shake small. I dey remind her say life no start and end for where she dey think.

Aunty Ronke mouth just shift small.

She surprise, but she no wan show am for face. Her eyebrow rise like say she dey judge me from inside her heart.

"Now wey you don grow, I gats respect your wish. No wahala, I no go follow you read again. Make we swear here now, how you see am?"

I try look her with soft face.

I drop my voice, try cool the matter. For my mind, I dey plan how I go take protect myself for this house wey no be truly my own.

Amara, wey think say she don win, just dey happy. "Better so. But you gats keep your promise o."

She raise head, her face bright. She dey wait make I fall hand. I force smile, but for mind, I dey say God dey see all of us.

"No wahala, no wahala. All these people here go witness am."

I look round, some people nod. Others dey pretend like say dem no hear anything. For Naija, na so people dey behave when family wahala dey boil.

Just small talk like this, everybody for there see say I no get mouth for Okafor family at all.

I feel am for the way them dey avoid my eyes, like say my presence na small wahala wey dem no wan touch. Only one old aunty squeeze my hand under table, whisper, "Ndo, Ngozi. Na so this life be."

Aunty Ronke come dey worried as she hear me agree:

She fold arm, voice low: "Sister-in-law, no vex, but you dey talk like person wey don tire. Amara na pikin o. Make you no vex for am."

"Sister-in-law, Amara still be pikin o. She no understand—must you really follow her talk…"

I cut her short: "Today na Amara graduation party. Make we do as she want. Abeg, everybody, make we raise glass for Amara wey carry first for city!"

I stand, lift cup, force laugh. Small children clap, one uncle raise bottle, shout, "God bless Amara!" For my heart, na only God know wetin I dey feel.

You know wetin e mean to dey follow secondary school pikin read?

Na real work o! No be say you go just sit down. Your eye go red, back go pain, you go dey run lesson like say you be conductor for danfo. Sometimes hunger go wire you, but you gats cook, clean, even dey help mark assignment.

E mean say you go wake pass fowl, sleep pass dog. You go dey carry her go lesson up and down, dey cook better food, still dey hear Amara dey insult you every time.

Even if your eye dey close, you go dey hear, "Mama, you no try, Mama, you dey slow," as if you no be human being. Sometimes I dey ask myself if this na real life.

For my last life, I follow her for three years, but I old reach ten years join.

Na so my skin begin change, grey hair full my head, all because I wan make person wey no send me get better future.

She get her spot for University of Ibadan, but na insomnia and wahala I carry for body.

Even when doctor tell me make I rest, na Amara wahala dey press my chest like stone. Sleep disappear, body tire, yet nobody see the pain.

Now dem want make I turn her free nanny again?

This one pass play. I just dey laugh inside. If I try am again, na my own grave I dey dig with my hand.

Lie lie—especially after I die because of her last time.

For this my second chance, I no fit do mumu. God no go shame me twice.

But I know say for this house, even small smile fit turn to big wahala. Peace dey run from my compound like goat wey see knife.