Chapter 6: Soft Hand, Strong Heart

Because I be big criminal, dem no remove my handcuff, and everybody for station dey look me like say I be disease.

As I enter, people just shift, dey hiss. If I cough, dem go cover nose. I see one old cleaner cross herself, dey pray under breath. My shame dey heavy, but I hide am.

Nobody wan help me baff—na only Aunty Morayo.

Even policewomen avoid me. Only my teacher gree touch me. Her heart big, her spirit no weak.

She stay, even gree help me baff.

She no rush, she dey wash me like mama dey wash small pikin. For her eyes, na her own still dey there, not killer.

She just dey wash me quick quick, like say her mind don die.

Her hand dey gentle, but her face dey blank. She no talk, no smile. I fit see say pain dey hold her spirit.

She use old Omo soap scrub my back, her hand dey gentle, but her face no smile. I fit hear her small prayer under breath.

As I dey look her, I force small smile:

I wan break her, make she tire, but my smile no reach my eye.

"Teacher, you still dey do oversabi?"

I dey tease her, dey push am. For my mind, I dey hope she go leave me alone.

Aunty Morayo no talk, just dey wash me gently.

She concentrate on my hand, dey scrub the egg, the shame, the dirt. Her eye wet, but she no let tear drop.

But some female cleaners no fit hold am, dem dey look me with wicked eyes:

Dem stand for corner, dey whisper. If eye fit kill, I for don die two times.

"Aunty Morayo, why you dey stress yourself for this kind pikin? People like her no dey remember better thing. Even if she die hundred times, e no reach."

One of dem, big woman with gold tooth, dey talk loud so I go hear. She dey try wound me with word.

"True talk, leave am make she rot with her own smell!"

Another one snap finger, roll eye. Her own anger na like person wey dem cheat for market.

I think say Aunty Morayo go ignore, but she just throw towel for ground.

Her hand strong, her back straight. Her own patience don reach finish line.

Her gentle face vex:

For the first time, her eyebrow stand, her mouth tight. Even me fear small.

"Dem don close case?"

She raise voice, eye dey shine. Everybody stop.

"Ehn?"

The big woman pause, confuse.

"I ask, dem don close case?"

Aunty Morayo voice sharp, no pity. For my mind, I dey proud small.

The women look themselves, no understand.

Confusion full room, nobody talk.

Aunty Morayo talk again:

Her voice calm, but na anger full am.

"Una dey work for police station. Una no sabi rule? Even if my student do bad, na law go judge am. No be your work to dey gossip."

The words cut through room like blade. For our culture, na elder get right to correct wrong. She use am well.

Everywhere quiet small, then dem start laugh like say she dey mad.

The laugh hollow, empty. But I see small respect for their eyes. They know say truth dey for her mouth.

"See, I think say she get sense, na another mumu."

Dem dey mock her, but inside, dem know say she get point.

"Leave her, no mind her. She no even appreciate your help."

One small cleaner talk, her voice shake. E be like say the matter don touch everybody.

"Just dey do oversabi. Who ever hear teacher raise this kind student?"

Na so dem waka, their shoes dey make noise for corridor. I look the back of their head, dey wonder who raise dem.

Dem waka comot.

I look Aunty Morayo head, wan talk rubbish.

My mouth dey heavy, but I still wan test her patience one last time.

But she just come behind me, use her hand comb my hair. The small flower band wey she dey wear, she use am tie my hair well.

Her hand gentle, she no talk. Her own love stubborn pass my wickedness. I feel am, but I no show am.

She no mind my attitude:

Her own motto be say: "No pikin dey lost for my hand." Even as I be who I be, her heart still dey big for me.

"Teacher for one day, na parent for life. Whether you gree or not, as e be so, na my fault say I no teach you well."

Her voice low, but strong. For our culture, na true parent dey carry pikin wahala for head, no matter wetin. E pain me small.

Time for baff dey finish. She just dey talk about school gist—small small things.

She dey remind me as I win spelling bee, as I help old woman cross road. Her voice dey soft, dey try heal my wound.

She even remember as I save dying plant for biology class.

Na small memory, but the way she talk am, e make me want cry. I remember say my heart no always dey dark.

Very annoying.

For my mind, I dey vex say she still dey see light for my wahala.

"Ngozi, time don finish."

Police call from door.

Na young sergeant with big voice. Time don go, judgement dey wait.

She stop to comb my hair.

She arrange my collar, pat my back. Her own hand dey warm, her heart dey pure.

Again, I waka go face judgment, cold iron tight for my wrist.

My leg dey heavy, but my chest dey light. For my mind, na finish line I dey cross.

"Ngozi."

Aunty Morayo call me suddenly:

Her voice tremble, but na love full am. Everybody for room pause.

"Teacher get last thing to talk."

I no stop, just dey think say she too dey worry—see as I wan die, she still dey talk.

I roll my eye, but I still dey listen. Inside, something dey move.

"Happy birthday."

My body just freeze.

For my culture, birthday na big thing—even for criminal. Her voice soft, her heart open. For that second, I be small pikin again.

"Ngozi, teacher dey wish you happy eighteenth birthday."

Her voice gentle, years of caring inside. The whole room quiet, even police dey look am with wonder. For corridor, one woman cover mouth, dey cry.

Her soft voice, full of care and years, cut me deep like knife.

Na this kind talk dey break stone heart. For my mind, I dey ask: wetin I do to deserve this?

The police wey dey follow me stop, look me one kind.

E shake head, e eyes soft small. "See better teacher—how she come get student like you? E no make sense."

I no answer am. Na when I feel warm water drop for my hand, I know say I dey cry.

Tear just drop, no sound. For my mind, na rain start inside house.

I close my eyes, laugh for myself for mind.

For once, I dey feel small peace. I dey ask God if maybe na this be last forgiveness.

Looks like I don lose.

For my mind, the wall I build don fall. Soft method dey win pass cane.

Na soft method dey work pass.

Even my spirit gree. Soft word fit break big stone.