Chapter 1: The Hot Slap and the Red Line

Na small play I dey play, I bite my wife neck sharp sharp—next thing, the same gentle woman land me hot slap wey reset my brain.

The slap no be ordinary one o; e loud sotay my left ear begin dey ring. For that split second, I even forget wetin carry me bite her. Na so person dey collect hot breakfast from woman wey dey your own house. I just dey look her, my hand cover where she slap me, dey try gather myself. For my mind I dey ask: which kain wahala be this?

I no understand wetin dey happen. Confused and pained, I just waka enter our WhatsApp group to pour my mind.

I dey shake, dey type my story with one hand, dey hope say maybe boys for group go get better advice. Na so everybody begin dey drop their own mouth. You know as e be, for Naija WhatsApp group, everybody be adviser, nobody dey gree dull.

Everybody for the group dey advise me make I just leave her, say make I no try patch anything. Dem dey laugh say na wahala I enter:

"See ehn, your wife get one 'white moonlight' for her mind."

One person even drop gif of Nollywood actress wey dey cry for unrequited love.

Another person reply am with meme: "Na only first love dey bite that neck!"

"Na so! Dem dey talk say na woman neck side dey most sensitive. Na only who she love well well fit touch am."

Another guy type: "If you bite her neck and she vex, e mean say your leg don dey outside. Be careful o!"

"Guy, you don turn spare tyre be that! Hahaha."

Another guy type: "Guy, abeg no vex. I no dey laugh you, but this kain thing dey pain. Na why dem talk say marriage na strong thing."

Shame just catch me, my face hot. As I wan reply, I see one message wey hook my eye:

"Your wife get red line for her neck?"

The way the message land, my mind just pause. My thumb still dey above keyboard as another message land:

"If she get am, abeg, start to dey arrange who go help carry your dead body."

That one enter my body like cold water for hot afternoon.