Chapter 3: Lies, Rivalry, and Breaking Free

I come down from the iron bed wey dey make noise.

The bed dey creak, e dey announce my shame. Even the rat for ceiling no gree quiet again. My leg dey weak, but I drag myself.

The sound wey dey sweet before, now dey shame me, my face hot, my heart dey jump.

Last night, every movement na joy. Now, every noise na judgement. I feel like say everybody know wetin happen.

Now, na only shame dey my body.

I wrap myself like person wey get fever. I no wan look mirror. If my mama call now, I no fit pick.

The cursing for corridor loud pass before.

One man dey shout about money, another dey quarrel with aboki about change. The wall too thin, everything dey enter my ear.

I hold my waist wey dey pain me, lock the door, jam one chair for the back, na that time I feel small safe.

The way I arrange chair for back door, e be like film. I dey fear say anybody fit burst enter. My mind no rest.

Computer screen still dey on; before Tobi Adekunle comot, he open movie download page.

I remember the way he dey press download, dey explain film wey he wan show me. "Morayo, you go like this one, na correct love story," he yarn. Now, e just dey look empty.

He talk say day like this, wey person no fit go out, na for cuddle watch film together.

I imagine us two, him head on my lap, we dey watch film, dey laugh, dey gossip. That dream just dey far now.

That time, my belle just dey sweet me. I dey imagine us two, rain and wind outside, we dey inside dey kiss dey watch film.

I dey imagine say we go order suya, drink malt, do like say na honeymoon. I dey reason say, "Na so couple dey start story."

But now, as I look this smelly, dirty room—no private bathroom, just dey smell—I just dey vex.

The smell dey choke me—old towel, wet socks, cheap soap. I gawk, my eye dey turn.

Cold just dey my chest.

Even with wrapper, I dey shiver. My heart cold pass my body. I close my eye, try calm down.

I open the university application system, upload new form.

My hand dey shake as I type, but I stubborn. I no fit let my future dey follow another person dream.

For the top, I write the federal university wey I always dream—Ahmadu Bello University.

I dey imagine myself dey waka for ABU campus, dey wear my fine Ankara, dey form 'big girl' for Kaduna.

Nobody sabi say I get two different university applications.

I dey hide my moves. For Naija, you no fit too trust person with your plan. I keep am coded.

Because, apart from me, nobody sabi my real exam score.

I hide my result like say na ATM PIN. Nobody fit see am, even my bestie no sabi.

All through secondary school, me and Tobi Adekunle dey struggle to enter our dream school.

We dey read together, dey chop gala together, dey gist about future. Na real hustle.

Him own na University of Ibadan, because e far from house—he wan run from him parents.

He dey complain say e papa too strict, dey flog anyhow. He want freedom, want city life.

Me, na ABU I dey target.

I dey dream say I go join debate club, dey do big things. Kaduna na adventure for my mind.

But when Tobi Adekunle ask, I just talk say na UI I wan go too.

I no wan wound him, so I follow dey claim UI. Na so lie dey start.

We dey encourage each other, our grades dey go up, small small we dey reach our goals.

We dey challenge each other—who go get pass mark, who go get chicken pox excuse. Our friendship dey sweet.

But day before the exam, Tobi Adekunle mama play ayo all night, no cook food for am.

Na so he dey vex say e mama love ayo pass him. Food no dey, only cold rice. No motivation.

He chop cold rice from last night.

E dey blow nose, dey complain, "Morayo, my life dey somehow." I just dey pity am.

From the first English paper, him belle start dey pain am, e dey rush toilet.

He miss invigilator twice, nearly fail. For exam hall, I dey peep him face—e pale like chalk.

When result come out, he just break:

"Morayo, I mess up. I no fit go UI with you."

He no fit look my eye. Him voice break small. My heart just dey heavy.

I ask, "You go repeat?"

I dey fear say e go blame me, but I still ask, just to show say I dey care.

He shake head. "Morayo, I no fit stay for that house again. I for like run now now. Repeat? Never."

He dey look window, dey count tree for outside. I know say him mind don tire.

Because my parents support me—food, advice, everything—I perform well, even pass my usual by 20 marks.

My mama dey pray every night, dey anoint my head. My papa dey check my timetable, dey drop transport fare. The support sweet die.

I enter UI easy.

I dey thank God, dey celebrate small small. My papa buy me small phone as gift.

Even ABU dey possible.

I see my score, I shock. I dey reason say, "God, na you run am."

But that time, I no know wetin I dey think.

My head dey mix—love, pity, confusion. I dey fear to lose Tobi Adekunle.

Maybe na pity for Tobi Adekunle make me lose sense.

I dey look am, I dey pity, I dey fall deeper. My brain just dey play trick on me.

I pat him shoulder.

I use small smile try cheer am up. For my mind, I dey plan wetin next.

"Sigh, na the same boat we dey. I still mess up—score almost like you. So we fit still go the same school."

I lie with straight face. For Naija, sometimes you go lie for love. I dey protect him ego.

Tobi Adekunle eyes just shine.

E look me with surprise, hope dey dance for him eye. As if na miracle I just perform.

He sigh, then smile give me.

He relax small. "Thank you, Morayo," he talk, voice dey soft.

"Better, Morayo. We fit still waka together."

He pat my hand, dey nod. Na so boys dey show say dem appreciate you.

Later, when my parents ask my score, I minus am by 60.

I print fake result, show dem. My hand dey shake. My mama just dey look me, eye sharp like market woman wey catch thief. Disappointment just show for my mama face, but she no talk—she just finish lunch, enter room, lock up.

Na that kain silence dey pain pass. I know say I wound am, but I no fit open mouth talk true.

My papa try smile, hug me, dey encourage:

He rub my head, dey say, "My pikin, you strong, you go make am. Na so life be."

"Exam no be life. Our Morayo go still enter better graduate school—you go shine."

He dey raise me up, dey dance small two-step with me. I wan cry, but I bone.

Guilt just dey eat me.

For night, I dey roll for bed, dey wish say I fit rewind time. But I no fit.

But at the end, I no talk anything.

I bury my face for pillow, dey pray make all this pass quick.

Now, all those worry don finish.

I breathe deep. The old pain dey dull, but I dey ready to face my truth.

So, at the last minute, I change my mind.

I submit the ABU form. I wipe my eye. I no go let any boy dey decide my destiny again.