Chapter 2: Shame and Secrets Burst Open

As I wake for morning, my head still dey dull, Aunty Amaka dey my hand, dey look me. Sun dey shine small for window, she dey rub my face, dey smile weakly. She dey look me like say she dey sorry, but e sweet her.

She hold my face, talk soft, “I don really sin.”

Her voice dey shake, like say her mind dey heavy. She no fit look my eye. I dey feel say na society talk dey her head.

I no wan hear am, so I hug her tight.

I no wan make she dey regret. I press her body, whisper for her ear, “No worry, nothing spoil.” My hand dey rub her back, dey try comfort am.

I wan know more about Aunty Amaka. I try ask Uche, but he no dey talk about him mama.

Uche dey always dodge mama matter. For school, if dem talk anything about him mama, he go change topic. E be like say he dey vex for her.

I ask other classmates, come hear say Aunty Amaka na just thirty-two. I shock.

For my mind, I reason say she old pass me, but when I hear say na only thirty-two she be, e shock me. E mean say na only small age dey between us. My head spin.

She be like us before—young, stubborn. She born Uche at fifteen—not illegal, but no be normal.

For our area, if girl born at fifteen, na story full ground. People go dey point finger, dey gossip. I reason say the thing don pain her well.

People dey make mistake, but some mistake dey cost too much.

The way her life bend, na from that one mistake. People go dey use am dey judge her every time.

Aunty Amaka pay price well well. The man run leave her, her family shame, disown her.

Her papa no gree, her mama cry taya. Na so she enter street life, hustle alone. Even Uche dey grow up dey hear insult.

She raise Uche alone. Men don break her heart, and because of Uche, she no date again for seventeen years.

Seventeen years no be beans. No boyfriend, no serious man, just work and pikin. The thing make her strong, but e wound her for inside.

But the person wey hate Aunty Amaka pass for this world na Uche.

Uche no fit hide am. He dey always para for her, dey act like say she be stranger. If you see the way him dey talk to her for public, you go pity her.

Since small, parents no dey let their pikin go Uche house. People dey gossip, so mother and son no get better relationship.

People for our street dey always warn their pikin, “No go that woman house.” Even for church, dem dey use her matter preach. E pain her, but she no fit change am.

Her life no fit restart, she just dey manage under people bad eye.

She dey try live, dey hustle, but shame and gossip dey follow her everywhere. She dey try hide her pain with smile.

But me, I wan treat Aunty Amaka well.

My mind dey made up. I go love her with my whole chest. If to say I get money, I for carry her go obodo oyibo.

She no gree make people know about us, dey hide am. As I don get job after school, every night I dey go see her.

She dey hide us like say na criminal we be. She go lock shop, wait till everybody go, then I go sneak enter. But na the only time I dey really happy.

Woman and girl no be the same.

Other girls dey disturb boyfriend for gift, Aunty Amaka dey link me with mechanic boss, dey beg drafter make he teach me, dey help me arrange certificate.

She dey run around for me, call people, beg them make dem help me get work. If I fall sick, na she go buy drug, cook food, stay with me till I strong.

Funny enough, I no dey hear my papa and mama, but if Aunty Amaka hold my hand tell me make I stop game, prepare for technical exam, my mind go just dey say I must make her proud.

I dey imagine her face any time I wan slack. Na she dey ginger me. Even my own mama no fit talk reach her.

Every night, I dey read for her place till I sleep. Every morning, I dey wake for her hand.

She dey cover me with wrapper, dey pet me like small pikin. If I wake, na her smile dey greet me. My own house no dey give me that peace.

She no want make people know us. She always talk say she don old, say God just dash her small sweet love.

She dey always dey repeat, “I no wan spoil your future. I just wan enjoy small.” Her voice dey soft, but e dey pain me every time I hear am.

She just wan see me become better man, no be her own man.

Na so she dey reason am. She go say, “I wan make you big. No be say you go tie yourself to my mistake.”

I dey vex anytime she say she old, but I no fit prove otherwise by mouth. Aunty Amaka teach me say, man wey no get level, anything wey he talk na empty talk.

Her word dey echo for my head. I dey pray make I get money, status, make I fit stand for her.

Mechanic boss say I dey learn fast, if my oga gree, dem go employ me.

My chest dey rise. Mechanic boss dey hail me. I dey see hope for future. I dey plan how I go take surprise her.

I happy die. Because of Aunty Amaka, I dey move from apprentice to drafter, I think say I fit finally show her say I get sense. But who know—bad thing dey quick pass good thing.

For Naija, good news no dey too last, bad news dey rush come like rain.

Aunty Amaka get belle.

That news land like thunder. I dey reason say na dream, but no be dream.

She no tell me.

She dey waka around like say nothing dey sup, dey greet customers with her usual shine. No sign, no gist. I dey think say maybe she dey hide am because she dey fear.

I dey bar, wan tell my teacher make he change my internship, wan snap some document for my oga. My phone don off, so I go borrow her own.

My mind no dey even suspect anything. I dey look for charger up and down, she just hand me her bag.

As I search her bag, I see hospital paper for belle checkup.

The thing shock me. My hand stiff. I open paper, see her name, see pregnancy test result. My heart cut.

Apart from belle paper, I see another note—doctor schedule abortion for next Wednesday.

That one weak me. I nearly collapse. Doctor don already write appointment, her name dey there. My hand dey shake—wetin I go do now? Na my life and her own dey hang for one thin paper.

Mature woman dey sweet but dey fear person too.

Na so fear and respect mix together. I dey reason say I no know her finish. Mature woman fit plan everything, no tell you.

She wan quietly remove our pikin, no tell me anything.

Na there I realise say, even with all the love, she still dey plan alone. She dey try save me from wahala, but she dey break my heart.

Aunty Amaka come, smile as she carry come give me her homemade groundnut soup.

She enter with tray, soup dey hot. She dey smile, act like say nothing dey happen. Na the same woman wey dey plan abortion for my back.

But as she see the paper for my hand, her smile freeze.

Her face change. Her hand stop for air. She dey look me like say she see ghost.

She try collect am, but I hold am tight. I ask why she no tell me, she just turn face, talk low:

Her voice drop, she dey look ground. "I no wan disturb you. I wan make you focus for your future."

“Na that time, when condom tear. You still young—I no wan hold you down.”

She talk am like say she dey beg. Her voice dey break. My own heart dey tear.

I look her, my chest tight.

Tears wan commot for my eye. I dey reason say after all the love, she still see me as small boy.

She dey help me find connect, dey plan my life, dey call me ‘small husband’ for bed.

All the nights wey she hold me, dey encourage me, dey treat me like say I be her future. Yet, she dey plan remove my pikin without my voice.

But she talk say she no ever think to spend life with me.

E pain me. E weak me. I dey reason say, all my hope just vanish.

I ask, “I no good reach for you?”

My voice dey crack. I dey beg, I dey reason say maybe if I talk am, she go change mind.

She bite her lip, whisper, “Na me no good for you.”

Her eye red, tears dey shine. She no fit look me. She dey blame herself, but the thing dey pain me pass.

I too dey childish. I shout for her.

I lose control. I dey scream, my hand dey shake. I dey forget say na her pain I dey add join.

She stand, dey hear me shout.

She no talk, no cry. She just dey look me. Her own eye empty. Na like person wey don tire for life.

The more she calm, the more my anger dey rise. I knock table.

My hand dey pain, I knock table, cup fall. I dey para, but she just stand dey look.

She just talk gentle, “You wan beat me?”

Her voice steady, but sad. E pain me. I no fit even answer.

How I go fit beat her?

Tears fall for my face. I bend head, dey shake. My hand dey weak.

My heart dey break.

I dey feel say my life don scatter. The love, the hope—everything just dey melt.

I carry the belle paper, waka commot.

I no look back. I just waka, cold dey bite me, my hand dey shake. My mind blank.

But that move come spoil Aunty Amaka own.

The way I waka out, na that one begin all the wahala. She no fit cover the thing again.

Internship day—na like graduation for us wey dey technical school. Most people no dey come back after.

Graduation for technical school dey heavy. Everybody dey celebrate, dey snap picture. Boys dey reason life, dey plan how dem go hustle.

And graduation day na confession day.

Na that day boys dey talk their mind, dey confess love to babe, dey fight old beef. Everybody dey form big man.

Many parents come help carry load. Boys and girls dey confess to their crush, people dey hail, parents dey happy.

The whole school dey full. Everybody dey waka up and down, dey pack bag, dey hug, dey take picture. Noise dey everywhere.

My papa and mama dey eye me, like say dem dey wait make I show say I get babe.

Dem dey stand for corner, dey expect make I bring one fine girl come. I dey dodge their eye, dey reason wetin I go do.

Aunty Amaka come too, but she no talk to me. She just dey help Uche pack, dey wait.

She dress simple, face cap, big shirt. She no look my side at all. Na only Uche she dey follow, dey pack bag dey help arrange note.

Uche dey waka dey check people bag. Any love letter wey he see, he go shout, read am out. He no get plenty friends, so he dey do clown to get attention.

E dey act like say na MC for event. Any time he see one letter, he go shout, "Ah, Jennifer, see as Peter dey write your name!" Everybody go laugh.

But then, he see the belle paper for my bag.

I no know how the paper land for my bag. Uche hand sharp. As he dey find snacks, he jam the folded paper. He dey quick to expose person.

The paper fold, Uche think say na love letter. He shout, “Ah, you sef write love letter!”

Everybody begin turn face. Na so school people dey like gist.

Everybody look our side. Aunty Amaka freeze, her body dey shake.

Her hand stop for bag, her eye wide. She dey pray make wahala no burst.

I rush try stop Uche, but he don stand on top desk, everybody dey look am.

I dey beg, "Uche abeg, no open am!" But him stubborn head no dey hear word.

He open the hospital paper. The classmates crowd round, tension build, the whole place quiet before Uche open am.

The smile for him face vanish, him face pale, he dey look Aunty Amaka like mumu.

As he read the result, e be like say world pause for am. Him mouth dey open, but no word dey come out. Everybody dey look two of us.

Uche faint for desk. The paper fall with am, land for ground.

His body just collapse. Blood rush from him head, e land for sharp edge. Everybody scream. Wahala don set.

Everybody fear, rush come. The paper dey ground, blood full Uche head.

Boys rush grab water, girls dey shout, "Jesus! Jesus!" Teachers dey blow whistle. Everywhere scatter.

Aunty Amaka rush hold her pikin, dey beg people make dem help carry am go health centre.

Her voice dey high, she dey cry, "Abeg, help me! My pikin!" Her face full blood, she no care. Her hand dey shake, she dey hold Uche head tight.

Parents and classmates gather round. Everybody see the name and wetin dey for the paper.

Na so everybody begin murmur, dey whisper, dey point finger. Some dey try cover their face, but dem dey peep who get the belle.

Aunty Amaka wey dey always strong and gentle, now just dey cry anyhow.

Her cry no get shame. She dey roll for ground, dey call God, dey beg make Uche wake up. Her wig fall for ground, face full dust.

I waka go, wan carry Uche, but Aunty Amaka turn mad woman, dey slap, dey scratch me.

Her nail dey cut my face. She dey shout, "Na you! Na you! Leave my pikin!" Her eye red. I try hold her, but she throw my hand away.

The woman wey I love pass for this life don turn real madam for street.

Neighbours dey gather. Some people dey record with Tecno phone, others dey shout, but nobody fit stop the wahala.

Her voice dey loud pass every other person own.

She sit for ground, dey shout, “Wetin I do for this life to deserve this kind wahala?!”

Her hand dey beat chest, dey cry, dey look sky. "God, why?!" She dey curse herself, dey blame her life.

Aunty Amaka slap dey heavy.

My face dey burn, but I no fit vex. Her pain dey bigger than my own. I just stand, dey look her, dey wish say life no hard like this.

No, no be only Aunty Amaka slap, na my papa fist dey knock my head join.

Before I fit reason anything, my papa waka come, knock my head. "Na this woman you dey follow? You wan kill me?!" My eye dey see star.

My mama rush Aunty Amaka, grab her hair, spit for her fine face, dey curse her, call her shameless woman.

My mama voice dey shake area. "You dey destroy pikin life! See your eye, see your body. You wan use my pikin do olodo sacrifice?! God punish you!" She pull Aunty Amaka wig, dey drag her for ground. People dey hold her, she no gree. The shame dey too much.