Chapter 2: The Village Chase

She dey request refund for seedlings but no wan return the goods. Na pure thief work be that!

For my mind, I dey remember how dem dey warn person for market: "No carry thief waka for head." Yet, this one na modern yahoo.

I dey look the refund request for my screen, vex just dey catch me, my teeth dey pain me as I dey grind am.

My whole body dey hot. My chair no gree me sit again. For my mind, I dey curse under breath. Na so person go just dey chop you dey go.

For this past one month, one customer wey use the name "Mama Ajoke from Palm Grove" don order five times for my expensive strawberry seedlings.

The name dey sound harmless, but after this her runs, anytime I hear 'Mama Ajoke', my belle go just turn.

Every time she collect the goods, na so she go apply for refund sharp sharp.

She dey do am with style, like say na one kind festival. No time wasted. Once package land, refund go follow am back to back.

Her excuse no dey change: "The seedlings all die."

The way she dey talk am sef, you go think say na rain kill all the seedlings at once. No variation. I dey wonder whether she dey copy and paste message.

But she no dey return anything.

I fit even pity her if she dey return something. But every time, na story. Not even one dead leaf. Nothing. She just dey chop am dey go.

And the platform always dey on buyer side.

E-commerce for Naija be like say seller no get mouth. Once buyer shout, platform go just dey nod like agama lizard. Seller for Naija be like goat—dem go just dey chop you, nobody go ask question. I tire.

Once she involve customer service, refund go land fast.

No need for investigation. Customer service go just send refund sharp sharp. Na so dem dey do, dey fear wahala pass thief.

I just dey watch as Mama Ajoke waka with my money and my seedlings.

I dey look my phone, dey shake head. Na so person go dey lose money dey smile for platform.

As she don taste the benefit, Mama Ajoke no even dey bother form story again. She just go claim say quality get issue and carry platform join body.

First time na small lie, now she don dey confident. Dem no dey born her make she fear. Platform na her backup.

She dey collect correct seedlings free—she no dey drop shishi.

I dey count loss, dey calculate inside my head. Omo, this business na big gamble. She just dey use my shop do awoof.

I try block her from my shop, but Mama Ajoke just open another account come buy again.

I dey wonder if na all her pikin she dey use open account. New email, new phone, different small small details. She stubborn like goat wey see yam.

Because of this woman, I don lose over ten thousand naira for nothing.

If to say ten thousand naira dey grow for tree, I for don climb am. But this one na sweat money. Person go dey hustle, another go dey chop am free.

My mind no fit carry am. I begin check her shopping history, dey find clue.

As I dey scroll her order list, my eye dey red. I dey look for pattern, dey try find sense for the madness. Person dey learn work.

Na so I discover say, as she dey do this refund anyhow, the platform don rate her as low-level user.

Even algorithm don tire for her. Dem give her bad rating but still dey allow her dey shop. Omo, wahala no dey finish.

I ask people for some WhatsApp e-commerce group, na there other shop owners begin complain too.

WhatsApp dey hot that day. Group full everywhere, people dey drop voice note, dey curse, dey vex. 'This Mama Ajoke na wahala!' 'She chop my own last week!' Na chorus.

Turns out, Mama Ajoke no always dey greedy like this.

One old seller yarn say she know her before—say dem dey greet for market, she no be like this before. Hunger and platform policy don spoil person finish.

As I check the refund records wey other sellers share, the thing clear to me.

I see screenshot, I see chat, even voice note where she dey argue. Everywhere, na the same style. Omo, this woman na real businesswoman for refund matter.

One year ago, Mama Ajoke call customer service because plastic bucket wey she buy break. After the platform refund her straight, na so she see say e easy to dey collect things free.

That first taste of awoof, e sweet am like honey. From there, e be like say her eye open. Na from bucket matter everything scatter.

At first, na small small things she dey refund. Later, her eye open—first na few naira, then hundreds, then thousands.

Story long. From spoon, she climb bucket, from there to lamp, now seedlings wey cost thousands. Her greed dey grow pass baby teeth.

Now, she dey chop thousands from my shop, bit by bit.

If dem dey award person for refund, she for win best in Nigeria. She dey collect am like salary.

I beg the platform make dem help, but dem no wan offend buyers because of sellers.

I send them mail, call customer care. Dem just dey dodge me, dey talk say 'we value all our users.' Na sellers dem dey use wash hand.

So, nothing dey work.

Na so I see say, for this Naija online wahala, if you no wise, dem go carry you do mugu. Na me be the mugu today.

But I no fit just leave my money like that. Even if I fit recover half, e go better.

My spirit dey strong. I no wan be person wey go just dey look my sweat dey fly.

I dey reason how I fit make Mama Ajoke return the seedlings or at least pay part of the money.

I dey draw plan inside my head like person wey dey plot movie script. My body dey pepper me.

When I call her, I never even talk finish.

Na so she rush pick call, no even let me land. E be like she dey wait for wahala.

"Hello, na the seed shop owner dey talk, about your refund—"

As I talk, she cut me sharp. No respect, no greeting, just pure fire.

"Refund ke! All your seedlings rot as I plant am!"

The way her voice loud, I nearly shift phone from ear. Sound like generator wey no get silencer.

Mama Ajoke voice loud for phone, rough and sharp like say person dey drag iron pot for my ear.

The anger inside her voice fit break coconut. Na so my ear dey ring.

"You wey get black mind, dey sell fake things! You still get mind dey ask for money!"

I hold my vex, explain, "All our seedlings get certificate. If you no like am, abeg return am, we go refund you."

My voice dey gentle, I dey try hold myself. Inside my mind, I dey pray make she reason am like elder.

"Refund your mama!" she just start dey rain curse like machine gun.

I shock. She no even wait make I talk finish, just dey burst my head with words wey no get brake.

"I don dey farm for thirty years, you small pikin wan teach me? Sellers like you suppose make thunder fire una, make una born pikin wey no get yansh!"

That curse strong, e come with full Igbo woman energy. Even breeze pause for window as I hear am.

For her side, I hear big "ptui"—she even spit for phone.

I nearly wipe my face, e be like say the spit fly reach here. Her madness dey contagious.

I take deep breath. "If you no stop this your refund wahala, I go carry you go chief's court."

I mention chief, make she fear small. For Naija, chief matter na another level. But she no gree.

"Na me you dey fear?" she dey yarn, dey form hard woman.

Her tone dey bounce, chest dey up, like say she dey challenge me for ring.

"Go sue na! You even sabi where I dey? I go show you pepper, you this small boy!"

She dey reason am like say I no fit do anything. Her mouth sharp, her pride high.

Suddenly, I hear dog dey bark for background. She carry phone near am:

I hear the woof woof clear. My ear drum vibrate. E be like say she dey near the dog, make e bite me for spirit.

"You dey hear? I get three big dogs for house. If you try show face, I go release them for you!"

For my mind, I picture big local dog, tongue outside, ready to run person. E get as e be.

She dey vex more, come dey boast:

Her vex dey climb. She dey form local champion. You go think say na her be king for village.

"See, I don scam plenty shops and I never lose! The platform always dey for buyer side—wetin you wan do?"

The way she dey talk, e be like say she dey win medal for scam. No fear at all, just pure pride.

She lower her voice, dey show herself:

She come dey yarn softly like person wey dey confess for midnight prayer but e get pride.

"Just last week, I collect 500 strawberry seedlings free. That shop sef don dey near close, haha!"

As she laugh, the thing dey pain me for chest. The laugh weak me.

Last last, she threaten me:

Her last threat strong pass ogbono soup. She dey warn me, dey prepare for battle. If I slack, she go finish my shop.

"If you call me again, I go open new account every day dey drop bad review until your shop close!"

For Naija, one bad review fit scatter business. My heart dey skip beat.

Beep, beep, beep—

That busy tone just bite my ear. Silence follow. My hand dey shake as I drop phone.

Na so busy tone enter. My hand don full sweat as I dey hold the hot phone.

Sweat dey run my palm, I dey look phone like say e offend me. Person dey lose money dey sweat join.

I for know say this woman no get shame since I see her refund wahala.

But true true, shame nor dey her dictionary. She dey carry am for head. E shock me.

But I still dey try reason with her like mumu.

As I dey think am, I dey laugh myself. Who send me work? Who born mumu for my house?

You no fit talk sense into person like this.

If stone dey soft, na this woman mind go hard pass. E no go enter.

Thank God I record the call. If not, I for just chop curse for nothing.

Recording na my only backup. If dem ask me for evidence, e dey ground.

Mama Ajoke call clear everything for me.

After the call, my eye open. No more Mr Nice Guy. She don show me say kindness na waste.

As she no get shame, me sef no go fear.

If na madness she wan show, I go match her. No retreat, no surrender.

Worst case, I go just close shop. This my online shop no dey bring much money, na insult I dey collect join.

E better make person get peace than to dey collect insult plus loss. Strawberry business sef no be my calling.

If shop close, e no go kill me. I no dey depend on seedling money chop.

I fit go back do other hustle. This one na just side waka.

Na so I dey lose money, dey chop insult join.

If wahala dey pay, I for don rich. But see me dey chop both insult and loss.

The more I think am, the more my vex dey rise. I dey look her shipping address for screen.

Vex just dey boil my head. My mouse hand dey shake. Shipping address dey shine for my eye like say make I fly go there.

With cold laugh, I decide—if na so, make we meet face to face.

I dey plan my next move. This matter don pass phone. E don reach to show.

I pack my small bag, check my money—rain dey threaten for sky, but my mind dey boil pass weather.

I follow Mama Ajoke address, enter bus, travel one full day.

That journey long, like say I dey travel from Lagos reach Sokoto. My back pain me, na pure bumpy road. I carry small bag, plus pure water for body.

After long waka, I finally reach one small village.

Red earth dey stain my shoe, fowl dey cross road like say dem get appointment. Sun hot, but the air pure. The air fresh, but everywhere calm. Red earth, chickens dey waka for road. I fit hear goat bleat from far.

The place remote, as I enter, I just lose direction.

Omo, even Google map tire. I waka small, see say no familiar face. My leg dey heavy.

Under one old baobab tree for village entrance, some men squat dey smoke.

Their faces rough, cloth brown from dust. I fit smell local tobacco. Na their own relaxation spot.

I take deep breath, waka go meet them.

I gather courage. As I dey approach, I dey pray make dem no see me as stranger wey dey find trouble.

"Abeg, how I fit reach Mama Ajoke house?"

I talk am well, voice down, make I no go offend anybody.

The men size me up, no talk anything.

Dem look me from head to toe. E be like say dem dey measure my worth. I dey steady dey smile.

I bring out Benson & Hedges—correct smoke—give them with respect.

For village, respect be everything. Na so I bring out B&H, extend am well. Dem eye light up. You no need prophet to know say dem like better thing.

Once dem see the B&H, the men smile.

Na that time dem relax, their face change. One even clear throat, prepare to talk.

One man nod, say, "You sabi respect. City boy, wetin you dey find?"

One old man ask, "Young man, wetin carry you come find Mama Ajoke?"

E talk am slow, voice deep. E dey look me like say I be police.

I no sure if dem friendly, so I no talk say na money matter carry me come.

I smart. I no wan pour sand for my own garri. I just balance, talk like say na small business talk.

I just dodge, "I get small thing I wan discuss with her."

I smile, shake head small, like person wey dey find lost phone.

Na so the youngest man grin, show him brown teeth.

The boy eyes shine, teeth brown from too much tobacco. E dey laugh, na the type wey dey quick run errand.

"Oya, I go carry you go Mama Ajoke house."

The confidence for his voice make me feel say this one sabi road well. I thank am for inside my mind.

He lead me enter the village. Once we waka small, he stop for front of me.

Him leg strong, him shoe na old bathroom slippers. As we dey waka, him dey bounce small. Village pass me.

"She owe you money, abi?" He lean near me, sweat and ogogoro just dey smell from him body.

As he move near, ogogoro smell hit my nose. I try hold breath, just nod like say I no hear.

I no answer, I just shift small.

I shift leg, dey look another direction, dey pray make talk end for there.

But the guy no even notice.

Him mind dey somewhere else. E just dey laugh, dey reason matter for himself.

He carry cigarette from back of ear, light am, sigh, "This your correct cigarette sweet no be small."

I see as e puff, eyes narrow in satisfaction. I know say I don give am better thing.

I understand, I give am the rest of my new pack, plus one half pack.

No need argument. I dash am everything, make e happy well.

He smile, eyes just dey shine.

That kind smile wey go reach belle. If to say na small pikin, e for don dance.

He begin talk to himself.

As he dey mumble, I dey watch his face. E be like say e dey calculate.

"My name na Sunday Oche, but for village dem dey call me ‘Second Rascal’. You come collect money from Mama Ajoke, abi? Somebody try am last week too."

Dem call me Second Rascal—first one still dey jail. He dey proud of the name. 'Second Rascal.' E sure me say him fit sabi street well.

"But Mama Ajoke no be small matter. The last person wey come collect, she curse am sotey the man run go house."

As he talk, I dey imagine the scene. Village people go gather, old woman go shout, everybody go laugh. Shame dey plenty.

He look me, as if he sure say I go fail too.

I fit see am for him eyes. E be like say e dey bet against me already.

I ask, "So why you wan help me, Sunday?"

I dey careful, I dey test am. For Naija, you must shine your eyes.

He grin, "Nothing dey do me. I don lease my land finish—make I just watch drama."

He talk am like person wey no get wetin to lose. For village, drama na entertainment.

"But if I help you, you suppose reason me something, abi?"

Omo, na Naija we dey. I just nod, understand say e dey find soft landing.

I pause, then give am two thousand naira.

The moment money enter hand, his smile wide like Calabar bread. He no even count am.

Sunday grab am, smile even bigger. "Make we dey go."

With that, e begin waka fast, energy don rise. Money dey work wonders for village.

But after talking with Sunday, my mind calm small.

E get as the guy dey make me relax. I dey feel say I fit get sense for the matter.

Maybe no be everybody for the village go support her. If everybody dey manage and one person dey shine, dem go just dey look?

For Naija village, if you dey chop pass others, e go show. People go dey observe, dey wait make you fall.

"Mama Ajoke get land?" I ask am as we dey waka.

As e hear, e pause small, look me, then nod.

Sunday surprise. "You sabi look o! This year, Mama Ajoke stop to lease her land, build greenhouse begin plant strawberry. Nobody sabi where she see the money."

E be like say people dey talk am for village. From poor to greenhouse, na only God know.

Halfway, I stop. "Wait, make we no reach her house yet."

My mind dey reason fast. I wan confirm something before I knock for her door.

Sunday turn back. "You dey fear?"

E dey look me, one eyebrow up. For his mind, maybe I no fit carry wahala.

I lower my voice. "No, make we check her strawberry greenhouse first."

I wan see with my own eye. Evidence no dey lie.

Sunday shock, then him eyes bright. "You get sense."

E nod head, dey reason am. No be every visitor dey think this way.

He lead me pass different path enter one clearing where plastic greenhouses full ground.

The path rough, but e lead to one big clearing. Plastic domes, shine for sun. Strawberry plantation wey pass my own dream.

Sunday point. "Na here. Mama Ajoke dey come every day—she dey cherish am."

I fit see fresh strawberry leaf from far. Everywhere neat, ground level. E sure me say na serious business she dey run.

As I hear say she dey come always, I frown.

My mind dey calculate. If she dey check am every day, e mean she value am pass her gold.

Sunday laugh, tap my shoulder.

He dey try ginger me. Na street guy, e like action.

"No fear. Mama Ajoke don go house chop."

His tone dey sure, I relax small. No wahala for now.

As I see say she no dey, I waka near greenhouse, lift small corner of the plastic, peep inside.

Plastic for greenhouse dey shine like new nylon, smell of earth and sweet leaf dey fill air. My heart dey beat. I waka gently, bend small, open corner, take my eye observe well.

Inside, strawberry plants just dey grow well—some even don get fruit.

The green for inside greenhouse na another thing. Strawberry red dey shine, leaf green dey burst brain. I swallow saliva.

Wetin shock me pass be say, for one corner, I see packages from my shop.

My brand sticker, my handwriting—everything dey there. My sweat dey inside her farm.

"Chei, na my seedlings be that," I talk through my teeth.

The anger wey rise for my body fit roast corn. I talk am out, voice low but strong.

Sunday come join me. "Na your own true true?"

E dey look me with wonder, mouth open. For his mind, e be like magic.

I show am my phone, display all the records of Mama Ajoke orders from my shop.

I open app, show am receipts, date, everything. Evidence full ground.

"She don buy plenty times, always dey refund, dey claim say problem dey."

I dey explain, dey pour my heart. Sunday just dey shake head, e mouth open wide.

"Which problem? The strawberries dey fresh well well."

Na so Sunday talk am, voice carry shock. No lie inside.

Sunday whistle. "This Mama Ajoke no get shame. She owe you reach like this?"

His whistle loud, pass car horn. E dey reason how woman fit dey chop another person like that.

I talk coldly, "No be only that. Because of her, the platform punish me—my shop rating fall, I don lose over ten thousand naira."

The cold for my voice fit freeze ice block. Sunday dey look me with pity. Na so street dey learn lesson.