Chapter 1: The Talent Show Wahala

As we land for the farm that day, the sun dey roast my fur like akara for frying pan. Everywhere just dey hot like afternoon sun for January. The other cats and dogs just dey waka like say na Sallah carnival, dey eye rat like say na normal play. Their owners dey look, dey adjust their wrappers, dey yarn for corner. Some dey shine teeth for judge, others dey form big man with shades. But me, I just bone them, twist my tail, turn around, and open the cage wey dem put me. The cage sef na old kerosene crate wey Grandma repair with mosquito net. I stretch body, do my small yawn wey dey show my sharp teeth, come dey prepare my special move: catch rat with my bare paw. As I sidon, I dey eye the rats for that farm, my whiskers dey dance like masquerade cane.

Sharp sharp, as one dirty rat just show head from inside maize sack, I no even waste time. I grab am for neck, my paw firm like Grandma dey knead fufu. Before you fit shout my name, all the rats for farm don dey under my paw, dem just dey shiver like fowl wey enter rain. The judges mouth hang, the other pets dey hide face, even the farm children begin shout, "E don do!" Some women begin clap, one even shout, "See as cat dey run show!"

Grandma just dey beam, and as she rush come meet me, she whisper for my ear, "If you win, I go buy you big fish pie!" My heart sweet me, I ready to show more.

For social media, na real wah. Barrage:

[This cat get sense! I go tag my own mumu cat.]

[So after all these years, the pikin still no dey talk, abi?]

[One blow finish! This cat na real boss.]

[I don see this cat before—e sit down behind me for WAEC, even submit paper before everybody.]

[Voice note: See as this cat dey para! Abeg, who get the number for this Grandma?]

Na so, I blow for internet. My face full everywhere—WhatsApp status, Facebook, even Alhaji mechanic for junction know my gist. For village, dem begin call me Cat of the Year. Small time, one local radio presenter dey find Grandma to interview am about her champion cat. The whole thing sweet Grandma, she begin tell everybody say, "Na prayer and ogbon make cat sabi!"