Chapter 3: Cat vs. Dog – Village Drama

Grandma nearly fall as the man push am.

Fish seller aunty rush hold Grandma, whisper, “Na so-so person pikin be that, just come visit him papa. Abeg, leave am. I go help you clean am, make you no talk again…”

Grandma eyes shine. “Leave am? I no fit leave am!”

“Him dog dirty my keke—how that one go make sense? Where justice dey? I no care who him papa be!”

Grandma waka go front, leg stumble, she fall for ground, begin slap her leg dey cry.

“Help o! Dem dey oppress old woman for open eye! My head dey pain me, my leg dey pain me, everywhere dey pain me! I no fit breathe…”

She use her final move: sixty-year-old woman drama plus ‘thunder without rain’ cry.

Her age shock the man.

Grandma act like Nollywood star—her performance na correct.

People gather quick, dey point finger for the man.

Grandma beat chest, talk, “Me I no dey talk plenty, na correct person I be.”

“You go clean my keke tyre, then we dey okay.”

The man pride don wound—face red and white. E grind teeth. “You shameless old woman.”

The yeye dog bark come rush, dey pull leash.

“You wan scam me? You jam wrong person!”

For anger, the man leave leash.

The fierce dog rush like mad goat, tongue out, dey growl, come for Grandma.

“Hey! Hey! Hey!”

Grandma scramble stand, left leg jam right, right jam left, she dey run back. “I no do again! I dey beg! I be old woman, I no sabi talk!”

Everything happen fast—people scatter.

As the dog wan bite Grandma hand, I rush enter, pass crowd.

I target the dog head, jump like bullet, land one correct kick—goat shit and all—straight for e face.

The yeye dog chop my Mighty Paw Kick, cry like say e see masquerade, fly half meter, even though I small reach one-third e size.

No time to waste.

I turn, use my goat-shit coated Shadowless Mimi Punch, knock am for head, make sure goat shit full e face.

“Awooo-woof!”

The dog cry scatter. My juju move make am dey weep.

“Meow meow!”

E dey bark, I dey meow—my voice small, but drama plenty like say na Mercy Johnson dey cry for Nollywood.

The yeye dog run, tail between leg.

I chase am small, just to make sure say Grandma dey safe.

Children begin jump, women dey shout, “Cat wey no fear! E get juju!” People wey dey run before, now dey hail.

“See as this cat get swag! Cat wey sabi fight! That kick na mad thing!”

“You no understand—e dey risk life for Grandma. E know say if fight too much e no go win, but na courage e use. Cat dey form hard man!”

“See, I think say e white, but see black patch for chin. E be cow cat?”

“After e chase dog, e first check Grandma. Once e see say she dey okay, e chase dog again, just to make sure. Na brave and sharp cat!”

...

As people dey praise me, dem begin snap picture.

Me, small like this, stand beside Grandma, raise chin.

Na so! I be the legendary Nkem-the-Cow-Cat!

Grandma look me.

She finally smile, eye dey shine, surprise and happy. She rub my head, her hand soft, even though she try form hard. "Mimi, from today, na Grandma get you."