Chapter 9: Letting Go

I calmly walked out of the classroom, stood in the hallway, and tore up my diary page by page—a diary filled with secret love.

The paper crumpled in my fists, ink smearing under my sweaty palms, each page a tiny funeral for hope.

The first entry was from the summer before high school, when a tall, thin boy explained physics to me. His clear voice made my heart race.

From then on, every diary page was about him—his name, his scores, the little cupcake I secretly gave him, how he never rejected my feelings.

Every page counted down the days to adulthood, planning for the day I'd confess to him.

But at this moment, in my senior year, all my hopes and affection came to an abrupt end.

Caleb wasn't worth another drop of ink from me.

The English teacher passed by with a Starbucks cup, stopped when she saw me, took the free little duck keychain, and handed me the drink.

"Lila, don't tear up your books just because you were punished! Is Mrs. Simmons nagging you again? That mouth of hers is just asking for it!"

She had a way of making even the worst days seem a little lighter. "You got into the top class on your own merit—the school's cutoff score included you. Her dislike means nothing! Besides, I see you always get the math problems right. You're not as fast as them, but you're more careful and thorough. You're not bad at all."

"Life is your own—don't revolve around some guy, and don't care about those strangers! Good luck on the practice exam!"

I smiled in relief, drank the Starbucks in one go, and stood outside listening to the math class.

The cold November wind stung my cheeks, but my chest felt lighter than it had in weeks.