Chapter 1: Welcome to the Jungle

When I first graduated from college, I didn’t have much money, so I could only afford to share an apartment in Chicago.

Back then, my bank account was running on fumes, and every cent had to stretch like a last piece of gum. I scoured Craigslist and Facebook Marketplace, scrolling past basement dungeons and a sketchy listing that promised 'a cozy nook for a night owl, must love ferrets.' The price on one listing was so low, I half-expected the catch to be a haunted toaster or sharing a bathroom with a circus act. Still, when you’re broke, you call anyway.

When I found out all seven of my potential roommates were women, my stomach was in knots. I hesitated, freaking out about what I was getting into. But the rent was so cheap, it was like spotting a unicorn in the middle of Chicago.

The idea of being the only guy in a house full of women made my palms sweat. What if I broke some unspoken roommate rule? What if I accidentally barged in on someone? But every time I checked my near-empty account, reality snapped me back. Rent this cheap was a miracle—if I passed it up, I’d probably be couch-surfing or worse. I paced my room, fidgeting with my phone, and finally told myself: just go for it, you’ll figure it out.

Every day, I’d hear the Netflix theme song blaring from other apartments or catch the smell of Domino’s pizza wafting through the hallway. I’d wonder if I was being punished for some cosmic mistake—like the universe was trolling me for laughs.

Sometimes, late at night, I’d sit by my window and listen to the muffled bass of someone’s Spotify playlist, or hear a couple laughing as they stumbled up the stairwell. I’d imagine having someone to binge-watch with, or even just split a pepperoni pizza on a Friday. Instead, I was about to be the odd man out in a house where I’d probably be the punchline more often than not.

"Ethan, do you want to come with us?"

I pointed at myself, totally thrown. "Me? With you guys? Are you sure that’s cool?"

I could feel my ears turning bright red. I tried to play it cool, but I probably looked like a deer caught in headlights. I hadn’t even unpacked yet, and already the girls were treating me like one of the crew. It felt weirdly awesome—and terrifying at the same time.